"I always got punched as a kid. I never understood it."

"I think my uncle just raped me."

"You want to talk to me like you're a basic bitch, then cool."

IT'S FUNNY CAUSE IT'S true: The story of Little Baby Faggot

"What do I gotta do? Be under my bed fuckin' a cat?"

Keith tries his hand at technical support

"I'm gonna mix it in my mouth."

"90% of people say Mark Sanchez is a douche bag."

"You had to be a little bit of a bitch, huh? Right on, man. Now you know who we are."

"Keith and The Girl has its fiftieth (50) body modification."