Keith and The Girl

1123: Here We Go

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 8 Feb 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I always got punched as a kid. I never understood it."

1122: Diane's Breasts

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 6 Feb 2010 04:59:00 GMT

"I think my uncle just raped me."

1121: The Tits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 4 Feb 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"You want to talk to me like you're a basic bitch, then cool."

KATGtv 31: Little Baby Faggot

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 4 Feb 2010 05:00:00 GMT

IT'S FUNNY CAUSE IT'S true: The story of Little Baby Faggot

1120: Love Your Pet

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Feb 2010 19:00:00 GMT

"What do I gotta do? Be under my bed fuckin' a cat?"

KATGtv 30: Man vs. Machine

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Feb 2010 03:00:00 GMT

Keith tries his hand at technical support

1119: I See You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 2 Feb 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I'm gonna mix it in my mouth."

1118: Who Farted?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 04:59:00 GMT

"90% of people say Mark Sanchez is a douche bag."

1117: Sign Here

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"You had to be a little bit of a bitch, huh? Right on, man. Now you know who we are."

1116: iKATG

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:00:00 GMT

"Keith and The Girl has its fiftieth (50) body modification."

1115: Bad Little Boy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I put a baby in the dishwasher."

1114: Whatchoo Talkin' 'Bout?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 23:00:00 GMT

"When is it appropriate to lie under the forks of a forklift truck?"

1113: Sexpert

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 04:59:00 GMT

"I'm gonna cut the motherfucker's index finger off."

1112: King Arthur's Court

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I was attempting to be serious, but you're unteachable."

1111: I Want to Kill You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I am definitely not blowing up the airport."

1110: Don't Touch the Talent

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I think it was out of my system when I fucked you in my dad's church."

1109: Communication Breakdown

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 04:59:00 GMT

"I tried to get everything to bite me. A dog... I thought I'd be The Wolfman."

1108: Who Needs Dead

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"Stop punching me in the nads!"

1107: We are at War!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 19:00:00 GMT

"I'm the healthiest in this room. I promise you."

1106: 2nd Annual KATGuh Award Winners

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 23:00:00 GMT

"Just like you, I'm another Little Baby Faggot."

1105: Toilet Humor

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 9 Jan 2010 04:59:00 GMT

"For a guy with one ball, this guy has a lotta guts."

1104: Everything You Need to Know About Women

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"I'm trying to sleep with you. I don't know you. Is that disgusting?"

1103: Giving a Flying Fuck

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Jan 2010 19:00:00 GMT

"You can't be crackin' no keg if you ain't hittin' no forty."

1102: Psycho Competitive

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Jan 2010 21:00:00 GMT

"The only way I can lose is if I don't win."

1101: 2nd Annual KATGuh Awards

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Jan 2010 04:59:00 GMT

"I know I'm being recorded!"

BEGINNINGS 36: Potluck

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 1 Jan 2010 05:00:00 GMT

195: Tattletales (BEGIN-17:00) New Year's, wine anxiety, Dick Clark, and the prodigal Chemda visits her folks.

165: The Girl, M.D. (14:30-36:30) Keith's quaint little teen rebellion, the subtle distinction between farts and faaahts, mixing fun pills with funner booze, and WifeSwap.

170: In The Barrio (41:00-54:00) Some Curry controversy, and a drunken night out with The Grabber.

173: Free Booze (25:30-32:45) Dead mouse in the tub, and Chemda takes a trip at the dentist's.

175: How to Kill Your Baby (37:00-46:30) Family planning for shitheads.

178: Find Keith a Job (39:00-48:15) Patrice draws the ire of some "fans," and The Man gets his comeuppance.

192: Cinnamon Bread (8:45-12:30) Keith gets up close and personal with vermin.

193: Spooky Visits (BEGIN-21:30) Spooky's first appearance, home renovation, getting robbed by a dog, dead body stories, bum scavenger hunts, plane crashes.

194: The Desires of Desiree (28:00-34:45) Keith's first holiday season in the big city, and Chemda's alter-ego hits the Limelight.

BEGINNINGS 35: Retail Fail

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 31 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

163: $$$ (22:45-28:10) Outing Sulu, and a listener lends his time to get TGAN printed.

168: Venus and My Cock (35:30-41:30) The sad state of West Coast cuisine.

171: Rockstar (BEGIN-8:30) Los Angeles: Great wrecks, piss-poor Hooters.

176: Apology Accepted (BEGIN-23:00) Apology Monday. Reflections on a shit night out at Jekyll & Hyde, the Dreadtone CD release party and Keith among the hippies, live comedy, and the BroLo syndrome.

188: Encore (3:15-38:30) Johnny Rockets, In & Out, co-op gripes, laptops and laptop crashes, RadioShack has no answers, mic hygiene.

193: Spooky Visits (54:30-1:03:45) TGAN follow-up.

BEGINNINGS 34: A Lotta Spunk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 30 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

175: How to Kill Your Baby (BEGIN-30:00) Patrice's job gets weird...er. More from the fascinating career of hooker booking.

185: I Have a Bomb (35:30-42:00) Britney makes decent jerk-fodder.

186: Love Letters (39:30-54:00) Brad's breakup letter and more relationship origins.

191: So Sue Me (18:45-26:50) Jizz on the carpet, and jizz from above.

192: Cinnamon Bread (2:30-4:30) A brief follow-up from the goo bombardier.

195: Tattletales (47:20-50:00) A touching coming of age story from Ireland, and Keith's tentative jerk-retching.

BEGINNINGS 33: Mary the Cunt

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

195: Tattletales (17:00-41:45) Keith lands an office temp job, and has a bad first day...

196: Revenge (0:30-13:15, 42:30-46:00) ...a worse second day...

197: Mission Accomplished (BEGIN-0:45, 13:30-30:05) ...but a triumphant third and final day.

BEGINNINGS 32: Hitting the Pavement

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 28 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

177: It's Not Me, It's You (7:30-30:00) A critique of the film "Fever Pitch" lapses into a discussion of Boston, ex-girlfriend Kara, and marathon tomfoolery.

178: Find Keith a Job (BEGIN to 34:00) Keith goes temporarily insane, and think he's a douchey morning jock. Topics include interns, money trouble, maid service, job hunting, resumes, and Chemda's chealing chands.

181: Finish Her! (33:15-41:15) The One-Eyed Jedi strikes again.

184: How to Build a Resume (7:00-22:00) Keith's trip to the job fair.

BEGINNINGS 31: Crappy Holidays

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 25 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

191: So Sue Me (43:30-44:45) Christmas re-gifting.

189: Three's Company (BEGIN-8:15) Holiday plans, stamps, and the Old Man wants to sparkle the co-op.

193: Spooky Visits (23:30-54:30) Kwanzaa at the mall, social experimentation on the subway, visiting Keith's brother for Xmas, game night, and family reminiscing.

190: Sexual Content (22:45-26:00) A little gift advice for the love struck.

194: The Desires of DesirÃe (BEGIN-26:30) Patrice's Xmas, and how to shop for gifts at the mall with the very ones for whom you're shopping.

218: Cool (14:45-16:45) The very anticlimactic post-script to the Old Man glitter scheme.

BEGINNINGS 30: Sorry, Larry (Expo, Part Two)

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

171: Rockstar (29:15-50:45) More convention talk, and Chemda runs into an old flame.

174: Smell the Roses (27:15-38:30) The rather interesting story of podcaster Corby of The Twisted Pickle lapses into infidelity talk.

184: How to Build a Resume (22:00-30:00) Podshow wants you to QYDJ, and all it costs is your eternal soul.

173: Free Booze (BEGIN-25:30) Pilfering beverages from all the expo parties, and that BroLo guy again.

BEGINNINGS 29: Expo, Part One

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

168: Venus and My Cock (BEGIN-15:15, 20:00-34:00) From Venice, CA. Keith and Chemda dangerously set up all their gear in the hotel room to bitch about the flight out. Keith does some crippled dancing at a Bat Mitzvah, and SpongeBob meets a one-eyed pirate.

169: Nice to Know Ya, California (BEGIN-17:45) Having had a chance to absorb a first impression, Keith and Chemda talk about LA, meet some fans, and discuss Drinker's Dumps, post offices and politics.

171: Rockstar (8:30-27:30) Expo, redux. Keith calls some shit-talkers out, and meet Dawn and Drew. The Grabber breaks down the tech exhibitors.

BEGINNINGS 28: My Mom Would Be So Proud

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

188: Encore (38:30-40:30) Chemda meets a pretty girl at the airport.

181: Finish Her! (7:30-24:30) Chemda and "Miss X" go for a late night massage.

189: Three's Company (12:15-27:30) "Quizzical in Queens" wants to know how to manage a menage.

190: Sexual Content (11:15-23:00) All about hittin' the ass, and Keith's little friend.

183: Business Solutions (15:00-22:30) Chemda turns thirty, and contemplates her new sexual maturity.

190: Sexual Content (39:45-47:30) More back door action, and getting caught in the act.

BEGINNINGS 27: Johnsons, Greenwich, Dickheads

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 21 Dec 2009 05:00:00 GMT

164: Lo Ya-Fe (5:00-38:00) Classic Clown Monday, featuring Double Dare in a padded room in Connecticut, and the Genesis of Glitter Revenge.

167: Movin' On Up (30:00-46:00) Chemda encounters a group of fragrant pop 'n lockers, and does a Glamour Girl diva-job in a diva-room with no electrical diva-outlets.

180: Idiot Box (1:00-6:00) Keith parties with some young paint-huffers.

186: Love Letters (8:00-23:00) Keith gets promoted to Red Wiggle, experiences more gratuity weirdness, and phones in a pirate job.

1100: Leave It Alone

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 19 Dec 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"Can't grab a dick with a backhand."

1099: Instant Message

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Does Jonas like cottage cheese?"

1098: Dance Party

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"I'll punch you in the fuckin' mouth if you're 18!"

1097: A+

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 15 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"He had to be rougher with me, and I would have fucked him."

1096: Funny Stuff

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"We're gettin' too old for pussy paintin'."

KATGtv 29: Keith Malley

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 02:30:00 GMT

Keith performs stand-up in NYC

1095: How to Be a Vampire

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Don't be a fuckin' jerk off! This place is fuckin' Party Central!"

1094: Jerk Off McGoo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 Dec 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"Just want to suck each other off and get some work done."

1093: Jerk Off from Way Back

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"A dude punches a girl in the face, and I wasn't necissarily on her side."

1092: In the Bushes

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 7 Dec 2009 15:30:00 GMT

âYou hold the door open for the world forever; youâre never gonna get inside.â

1091: Good Morning!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 4 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Sometimes the show makes you discover what a fuckin' retard you are."

1090: How Good Was I?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"He was LOLing all over his stomach."

1089: Disowned

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 1 Dec 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Somebody always wants to jerk off in something."

1088: Father of the Year

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"In court they actually talked about Brumski."

1087: Paris Hilton for President

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"People hate me."

1086: Rules of Engagement

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"I'm not done with you yet. Not by a long shot!"

1085: #3

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Nov 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"Tonight I'm gonna fuckin' suck ya."

1084: Unfriend

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"You're on my Not Allowed list!"

1083: Snake Eyes

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"I'll let a girl know before she's about to go down on me that way it's not a surprise."

1082: Game Over

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"I don't care! You're not sucking me in!"

1081: Excellence in Adequacy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Your marriage is based on a lie already."

1080: Respect My Privacy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"The teachers tell me to put the baby under my seat. That's ridiculous!"

1079: The Real Dough Face

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"I can't even anymore."

KATGtv 28: Pat Dixon and Jesse Joyce

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:00:00 GMT

100 for 30: Pat Dixon and Jesse Joyce

1078: Magic Underwear

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"I actually considered taking my own life."

1077: I'm Happy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 9 Nov 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Don't cut yourself unless it's from a good place."

1076: Perverted Justice

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Nov 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"Ovaries, much?"

1075: Forever More

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Nov 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"You know what? She should be fearful of her life."

1074: I'm Not Your Mother

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Nov 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"I bet you she has nothing nice to say about you, and you fucked her ten times."

1073: Yo Soy Demasiado Inteligente

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Nov 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"You guys jerk off on webcams and stuff now?"

1072: A Killer Surprise

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 2 Nov 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"Don't even answer the door..."

1071: Champions

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Pedro Martinez looks like a koala fucked a retard."

1070: oooOOOooo Scaaarry...

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I know you won't eat me."

1069: Potato Dick

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"I will drink all the shit out of my butt."

1068: Who Got Game?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"Are you a whore?"

1067: On Air

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"I like him a lot. This hurts me."

1066: In This Economy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"This is very offensive to the room. I know you're just half-retarded. And so you're forgiven."

1065: You Said It

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Peace, love and Keith and The Girl."

1064: Help Wanted

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 Oct 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Whose penis is that?"

1063: The Falcon Has Landed

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I'm gonna be upset about this, and at the same time really happy."

KATGtv 27: Victor Varnado

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 03:59:00 GMT

100 for 30: Victor Varnado

1062: I Got Your Number

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"I'm very appalled. I didn't understand. I thought that you'd treat us with respect and dignity."

1061: Come Again?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"He ain't wrong, but he ain't right."

1060: Information Overload

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"You're putting your penis in his daughter's vagina."

1059: Daddy Dearest

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I just got off the phone with your dad, Chemda, and he says you're lying."

1058: The Toilet Paper Diaries

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 Oct 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"I tell you everything. Just some things you can't fuckin' handle."

1057: For My Eyes Only

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"You were gonna watch us having sex. It was kinda kinky, kind of interesting."

1056: The Nightmare

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 5 Oct 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"This is a girl laying on the floor, and you stomped on her."

1055: Never Have I Ever

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 3 Oct 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Nobody's leaving this alive."

1054: I'm Not an Asshole

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 1 Oct 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I'm gonna fight this guy!"

KATGtv 26: The Hot Dog Eating Contest

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 1 Oct 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Keith, Myq Kaplan and Jeremy go for the gold

1053: Family Values

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"Have a sense of humor, Shithead."

1052: Get Smart

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Don't do acid or mushrooms in an artist's house."

1051: Bear the Shame

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"You're not the prick cocksucker that was on Keith's DVD after all."

1050: Cum Together

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Act like a man! Cum like a man!"

1049: Womp Womp

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Why do you do drugs in front of your kids?"

1048: The Mamas & the Papas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"Be careful! Mom just discovered Google!"

KATGtv 25: Myq Kaplan

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 04:00:00 GMT

100 for 30: Myq Kaplan

1047: Hell-A

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I hate doing this talk show! I hate it!"

1046: Chicken Fucker

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:20:00 GMT

"Justice runs on Little Baby Faggot Time."

1045: Oh God, Where Art Thou?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Your lips are a hot dog bun. Want a picnic? I'll bring the meat. Also you're a whore I met on 18th street."

1044: The Greatest

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 20:45:00 GMT

"I do have to say something though about the new intern. This is gonna hurt feelings."

KATGtv 24: Ray DeVito

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 02:00:00 GMT

100 for 30: Ray DeVito

1043: Twitterific

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Which brings me to my next question: Will you get totally nude for $130? That would be pretty wild. Wild and affordable."

1042: Better Than You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"You're a shit-box. How can I be clearer?"

1041: The Love Experience

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"I was nuts, and I was an asshole."

1040: The Branding

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 Sep 2009 01:11:00 GMT

"I do like to get hurt."

1039: Celebrity Robots

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 17:00:00 GMT

"Ever wake up with your foot in the toilet?"

1038: Five-Finger Discount

info@KATG.com — Wed, 9 Sep 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"I'm gonna fuck way more cancer patients than you before the year is over."

1037: A Perfect World

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"You both deserved each other! I'm glad you made each other's lives Hell!"

1036: Little Baby Faggot Returns

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 7 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Alright, I gotta go suck dick now. You behave."

1035: Neil Baxter

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 5 Sep 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Only assholes get MS."

1034: Sticky Fingers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Sep 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I'm about to beep all over myself."

1033: 21 and Over

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Sep 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"It feels like they're stealing my farts."

1032: Slide It In

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Sep 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"I really don't know if I have something in my ass or not."

KATGtv 23: Chemda in Chell

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 1 Sep 2009 23:45:00 GMT

Chemda laughs at an MS joke and joins the likes of Adolf Hitler and Jack the Ripper

1031: Wordplay

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"I'm not the same guy I was a year ago."

KATGtv 22: The KATG Branding

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 03:59:00 GMT

Intern Mike receives and pontificates on his Keith and The Girl cutting and branding.

KATGtv 21: The Chili-Off

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 04:00:00 GMT

Chemda, Matt, Lauren and Intern Mike compete in the 1st Annual Chili Competition

1030: Bang a Dong

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Fuck you! I fuck your sons! I fuck your daughters!"

1029: Respect the Gun

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 20:45:00 GMT

"Come on over, guys. I got a gun."

1028: Period Break

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 20:45:00 GMT

"It's Keith vs. Chemda now. You wanted it!"

1027: Party Hard

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I really should just beat the fuck out of you."

KATGtv 20: Myka FOX!!!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 16:00:00 GMT

Keith, Brother Love and the KATG audience put Myka FOX!!! on the spot

1026: Ass Frenzy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Just a simple jerk-off. Who knew?"

1025: Sabotage

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 19 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"First time I've been offended by the show."

1024: Skanks a Lot

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I can, without slander, call him homosexual."

1023: Speaking of Gay

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I'm an advanced man, and I like to do it in the ass."

KATGtv 19: The Burger-Off

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 03:59:00 GMT

Keith, Pat, Jeremy, Cole and Intern Mike compete in the 1st Annual Burger Competition

1022: General Coonery

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"If I'm embarrassing me, I'm embarrassing you."

1021: Brillo Pad Lovin'

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 03:30:00 GMT

"Keith is belittling someone after he talked about tearing his dick with a Brillo Pad."

1020: Count Me In

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Shit, I'm pretty fuckin' gay..."

1019: Black Comedy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Jesus Christ, can't you lighten up for five fuckin' minutes?!"

1018: Gay in the Back

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 8 Aug 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Your mommy sucked my dick for two dollars."

1017: Clickity Clack Bitches

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Aug 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Get the fuck out the way, Nana."

1016: Cold Hearted Snake

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"There's no way to win is the answer."

1015: Making Boys Cry

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"My fists are thirsty for Ray's balls."

1014: 5 Stars

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 3 Aug 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you what you are like."

1013: Mother Fuckers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 1 Aug 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Drama will be soon."

1012: I'll Fight You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"You apparently have never been ninja-fucked."

1011: The Unforgiven

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"I will not let a shit-head offend me."

1010: Stage Fright

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 17:00:00 GMT

"This is a drunk sudden movement venue."

1009: Getting Spooked

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 04:00:00 GMT

"I don't have a problem with sleeping with a lot of comedians."

1008: Big Pimpin'

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"I'll be back later 'cause you like to beat people."

1007: Throwdown at the County Fair

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"They pay you for this crap. It's amazing. God bless 'em."

1006: Salty Biscuit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"I've had an olive in my ass."

1005: 1-900-HAHA-FUCK

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"I'm very in touch with Me."

1004: Goo Goo G'joob

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"I'm not alone. But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely."

1003: 1-800-FUCK-YOU

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I lost my shit."

1002: An Awart Winning Show

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"Two days notice, and Keith will do whatever you want."

1001: Awesome

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I'm a fuckin' animal, and all I do is fight."

999: Have a Nice Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Jul 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"You're gonna sue the child for blowing your husband..."

998: Into the Fire

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 8 Jul 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Now I'm about to violate your trust."

997: Flying Pussy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 7 Jul 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"Don't Palin Me."

996: Turn the Page

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 3 Jul 2009 14:00:00 GMT

"It was the beginning of the end."

995: Boom Boom Boom

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Jul 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Is this against the law if your baby like looks over here for a second?"

994: Twenty Questions

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 1 Jul 2009 21:00:00 GMT

"Let's get a few things straight."

993: Your Line of Questioning

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"If you want to know who your real enablers are: It's your listeners."

992: Keith is a Drunk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"One boring fucking day at a time..."

991: Burger War

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"He brought like Hot Pockets to The Greatest Chefs in the World Competition."

990: If You Can't Stand the Heat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 27 Jun 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"All my friends are lying to me!"

989: Die, Michael Jackson, Die!!!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"It was too soon when you touched my children!"

988: Robot Drinking Problems

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Somebody kill me today. It's not gonna get better."

987: I Love You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I'm the fuckin' meltin' pot, A-fuck!"

986: The Atheist Club

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"If you are going to pay for sex it better be dirty because at home: the laundry is folded."

985: The Dragon Returns

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"For those of you who no longer wish to honor who I am and what I do, I truly wish you death."

984: Monkey Business

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Your backyard is where I vacation! How ya like that?!"

983: Genuine

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 22:30:00 GMT

"She vaginad her way into the position."

982: For Love or Money

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"I wanna fuck a girl who I put it in her ass and she doesn't even turn around to see who it is."

981: Seeing the Light

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"I think we might owe you an apology, actually."

980: Choke-take

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Let's get back to the story: He tells me to cum on his face..."

979: Beer Hug

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 14 Jun 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Time to go out raping, I guess."

978: Let's Go Pittsburgh!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"I'm the kid you jerked off, you fuckin' son of a bitch."

977: Our Four Cents

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:30:00 GMT

"This isn't a town that says, 'Keep the change.'"

976: Frienemy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Kiss my dick, Spooky!"

975: Burns and Allen

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 9 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Everything looks sexy. She has no control."

974: Dream On

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 8 Jun 2009 22:30:00 GMT

"It's not a very nice show."

973: Evolution of Man

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 6 Jun 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"It ain't no note-takin' faggot baa! It's a drinkin' baa!"

972: Worse Than Hitler

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 5 Jun 2009 01:00:00 GMT

"We are a team! You hate who I hate!"

971: Awkward

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Jun 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Sometimes you gotta put your penis places."

970: You've Been Duped

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 2 Jun 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"It's like I'm fuckin' me!"

969: Define "No"

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 30 May 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Don't go to the dildo store when you're horny."

968: Praise be Allah

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 May 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"Don't pull me into this."

967: Hot Dog Revenge

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 27 May 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"My life would be over if I was allowed to say whatever I could say."

966: If Charming Means Cunty

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"It's never good to throw things at gang members."

965: American Bad Ass

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 May 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Two thumbs down, and two middle fingers up."

964: Why Jews Eat Sand

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 21 May 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"Do you understand how sad this is, ladies?"

963: The Shed

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 May 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"Go home, and quit touching each other."

962: Is This Thing On?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 19 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I partied even crazier the next night to the point where like my knees are like bloody-colored and bruises and..."

961: Heckler

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 18 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"That is when your and F-MOS' advice came to mind. She was suddenly feeling doubts, so I just whipped my dick out."

960: How'd You Get Your Accent?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 15 May 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"I'm the undisputed all-time champion comedy king comedy!"

959: LOLz

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I happen to be the crossover nigger of America."

958: Drinking Buddies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 May 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Tell me what level of a scumbag I am."

957: Enjoy Yourself

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 12 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I can't explain my disease."

956: Titties and Blood

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 11 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I think you were high on whiskey."

955: Entitlement

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 8 May 2009 18:00:00 GMT

"When you're aware of the world, it makes your heart cry."

954: I Shit on You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Are you gonna swear again, you stupid bitch?"

953: Mouth Breathers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 May 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"What the fuck are y'all laughin' at, man?"

952: Shine a Light

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 May 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"You think you can just not answer the phone call? You have to answer the phone call now!"

951: MC Mr. Napkins

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 4 May 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"Keith, I'm gay, and that's my brother I'm trying to fuck."

950: Sexperiments

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 2 May 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Shit talkers don't get to decide when the shit talking ends."

949: Winner Winner Chicken Dinner

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"You have no sense."

948: Like a Girl

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"Once in awhile you have to go out and fuck somebody else."

947: Thug Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"Was she able to fuck the whole collection?"

946: Solid Bits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"If you're not uncomfortable, you're not a comedy fan."

945: Baby Shaker

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"If you can put up drywall you're in."

944: Deviance

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"Have I hit a woman before? Hell yeah."

943: For Shits and Giggles

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Stop spreading rumors about me!"

942: Eye of the Beholder

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I'm the only person with human decency!"

941: The Crippler

info?@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"I know you're fucking lying!"

Show 940: Live in NYC

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:59:00 GMT

Check out the full video at KATG.com/live

939: Merit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"If you could stop talking about me that'd be fuckin' FANTASTIC!"

938: The Brothers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"We have some more vomiting tonight. What's going on?"

937: Nerd Rage

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 11 Apr 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"My logic can break you down."

936: Extra Gravy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 02:00:00 GMT

"Keep eating your shit!"

935: Bad EYEdeas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 8 Apr 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"I got shot in the face."

934: Me Talk Pretty

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 7 Apr 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"I maybe not say this but if the Keith is not good to you and go to away from him. I would love the you."

933: WrestleMania XXV

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 6 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"I shit me drawers."

932: Not in My House

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 4 Apr 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"If Intern punches me in the face: so be it."

931: Act a Fool

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Apr 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"Maybe you're scared of what you don't understand, because I understand everything."

930: Silver Dragon

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 1 Apr 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I love Lying Day."

929: Believe It or Not!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"You must have the rustiest asshole this side of the Mississippi."

928: How to Be Friends

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"I'm a Butt Sex Pioneer. I'll take it for $5.95."

927: Just Not That Into You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 28 Mar 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"Why do you cut yourself?"

926: Rules and Regulations

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"Keith is a bigger pussy than I thought."

925: Banana, Banana

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"This heart didn't come with instructions."

924: Vagina Lip Punching

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"'Fuck' is okay. 'Cunt' is okay. I think we're ready."

923: The Ultimate Pleasure

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Show that you're a little dirty bitch."

922: Never Be a Victim

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Mar 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"You told me to be more assertive, so I beat the shit out of kids."

921: Mental

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 20 Mar 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"You're an idiot mom. That's why you have an idiot kid."

920: Fuuuuccck Yoouu!!!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 17:00:00 GMT

"I'm writing to tell you that I've been teetering this way and that over whether or not to continue listening."

919: Keith vs. Chemda

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"Oh, let's get it on!"

918: Dan vs. Jesse

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 01:00:00 GMT

"This is like, literally, it has to be one of the dumbest - if not the dumbest - thing I've ever done."

917: Queer as Folk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 14 Mar 2009 03:59:00 GMT

"I'm nicer than all you fake fucks. Fuck you."

916: Keith's Mommmmm

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"What's your job besides not having babies?"

915: In Hot Water

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

914: Comics Strip

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 18:30:00 GMT

"It was nice talking to you. Now let's never talk again."

913: Four Years Down

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 9 Mar 2009 19:00:00 GMT

"If we have cloning, I would clone you and then murder both of you."

KATGtv 18: Party! Super Party!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 6 Mar 2009 05:00:00 GMT

Revelers enjoy the Party! Super Party!

912: Mo' Money

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"How much money do you have in your bank right now?"

911: Working Well with Others

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"He listened to the show, and now does not speak to me."

910: The Parent Trap

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"You've been shaming the family since you were nine?"

909: Acting!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 2 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"I don't believe in baking. I never did."

908: Keith and The Girls

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 28 Feb 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"I will not be a victim!"

907: Gag Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"He looks at me and goes - and I quote: 'What have you done lately?'"

906: Tit for Tat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Who's to say we don't want to just show our tits and need a good excuse?"

905: Connect the Dots

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"Nothing's ever sick enough for the Asians."

904: Get the Funk Out

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"He's not gonna try something. I'll punch him in the mouth."

903: What's Yours is Mine

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"Let's just say I've been kind of a mess lately."

902: Too Clever

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"You've made a very big mistake."

901: Tee Time

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 22:30:00 GMT

"Pen in your eye!"

900: Lez Be Friends

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"You know you're gonna get a lot of shit for this, right?"

899: Real Talk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"I get it; you got AIDS. Let's play some music."

898: How Much is That Asshole in the Window?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"It's not like I never had ass sex before. Let's be clear and honest."

897: The Show-ers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"I've got twenty dollars if you're bored and wanna kill anyone."

896: Intent to Distribute (John DeForest Petrie)

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 23:30:00 GMT

"You go to KeithandTheGirl.com right now: there is video where something shitty is going on. And maybe literally."

895: Know Your Shit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 9 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"That is gonna be just a horrible day when you figure shit out."

894: The Reaping

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Feb 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"Every time I act, this guy's pointing a fucking camera at me!"

893: Vote Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Feb 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Let's see if Patrice is an idiot."

892: Shout It Out Loud

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Feb 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"I'm gonna kick your ass!"

891: Drink the Fat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Feb 2009 22:30:00 GMT

"You got something to say to this prick?!"

890: Yes We Can

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 2 Feb 2009 23:00:00 GMT

"Now you can check asshole without you turning into an animal yourself!"

889: Mantrums

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"I knew I was onto something. Who do I sue?"

888: The Simple Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"What are you most disappointed in her about?"

887: Dear Intern

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"I truly apologize for anything and everything. I am the only one at fault here."

886: Love & Happiness

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"I think you're a dildo, and not the kind I want in my vagina. I wasn't staring at you, you self-conscious douche."

885: The Royal Rumble

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:00:00 GMT

"I really want you to just bang a chair over her face."

884: Drunken Negro Faces

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 24 Jan 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"If you're lookin' for asshole, you're gonna find asshole."

883: In Session

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 21:30:00 GMT

"You can't Jew me down when I'm talkin' about suckin' bear dick."

882: God Bless

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 20:00:00 GMT

"Thank you for helping me be a better person."

881: Give and Take

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"The challenge is basically to prove Keith wrong."

880: Bad to the Bone

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 19:30:00 GMT

"You're being a little bitch 'cause you're not looking at me."

879: Sober Living

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"I like women the same way I like my coffee. I don't like coffee."

878: Bromance

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:30:00 GMT

"Someone starts blowing me, and I don't know who it is."

877: Fuck-Like

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:30:00 GMT

"Oh my God! You too, Adam?!"

876: For Medicinal Purposes Only

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 04:59:00 GMT

"I got your medicine..."

875: Pussification

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 9 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Good morning, mother fucker."

874: Poop Culture

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT

"Their own god can't even milk itself."

873: The Greatest Story Ever Told

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Jan 2009 17:00:00 GMT

"Are you friends with Bill?"

872: 1st Annual KATGuh Award Winners

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Jan 2009 05:00:00 GMT

"Don't masturbate hard; masturbate smart."

871: 4"Stud

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 5 Jan 2009 05:00:00 GMT

"I'm gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job."

BEGINNINGS 26: Bougie Tag-Up

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

-157: Jani Lane - Tons of grafitti, everywhere. Like, EVERYWHERE. But these two get caught.

-160: Adam Visits - Adam Brown goes to town like a big fat clown with his underpants down. His first appearance. Fuckin' up apartments, bank fees, dental gripes, tag-up stories, Prussian Blue, the first appearance of a very famous game, and the infamous bear attack story. A classic episode, with very little to waste.

-162: Keith on Vicodin - A few candid post-show moments with Adam and Craig Klein about One-Eyed Davis and life back in the day.

KATGtv 17: Yoink

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Keith and Chemda in the classic Mexican Food Standoff

BEGINNINGS 25: Please Continue to Fuck Dane Cook Some More, Maybe Even Harder

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

-147: Learning Curve - The Dane Cook interview debacle begins.

-152: Your Child's a Pussy - The seriosos sally forth to see some cinema. This time, the film is Waiting, with Ryan Reynolds, and (gasp) Dane Cook.

-153: Fuck Dane Cook - That shit-ass joke-theiving gawky wiggly motherfuck blew them off! The fuck is that shit?

-154: Days Gone By - Oops, Dane writes in to apologize. You don't think he heard, right? Plus, the Old Man wants the heat turned on.

-158: Friendly Ribbing - Yep, he heard. Shit.

BEGINNINGS 24: Gimme BALLS!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 24 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

-150: Gay Nigga - Terrorism, Mark McGrath, and a musical interlude.

-145: Doug Stanhope - The interview.

-146: Phone Jerk - More on Stanhope, visiting the clinic, a call from Deuce, and how to score pills at the pharmacy.

BEGINNINGS 23: Chink Cop

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 17:00:00 GMT

-148: Say You're Sorry - Somerset memories, band camp, rainbow parties.

-144: Keith and The Girl's Dad - Deuce gets the drips, and Charlie bangs the sitter.

-148: Say You're Sorry - Again. Baby-stabber, roommates, how to move to NY, how to survive in jail, the Pedocast, and Charlie has an altercation with the police.

-149: Want Some Candy? - McNally & Charlie redux. Keith stumps the Joke Man.

-152: Your Child's a Pussy - Another Charlie update, fun in traffic, strangers, Double Dare and the pussified youth of upper-middle class America.

KATG promo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

BEGINNINGS 22: A Portrait of the Artist as a Porn Retailer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

-143: The Porn Shop - A letter arrives from Vancouver.

-145: Doug Stanhope - McNally follows up from Source Adult Video.

-146: Phone Jerk - McNally calls in. Also, a special wedding and fun on the subway.

-142: Poker and DICE! - Chemda receives a flattering message, and how to behave and parties (hint: it doesn't involve eating crudites in your underpants).

870: 1st Annual KATGuh Awards

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 21 Dec 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"Was that the first time Chemda realized that she was dating a drunk?"

869: The O-Word

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"You can have some of my butt."

868: Integrity

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

"I only became a drunk when you started drinking less."

KATGtv 16: How to Take Care of a Baby

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Keith and The Girl teach you about caring for a newborn

867: Smarter Than

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 23:20:00 GMT

"Quit rippin' off the fuckin' workin' man!"

866: Watch Your Kids

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"I just finished. Gotcha!"

Scott Sigler's Contagious

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

865: Greater Than

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:00:00 GMT

"You are so fuckin' jealous..."

864: Spooky 2.0

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

"It will be on my tombstone."

863: The Red Pen

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 08:00:00 GMT

"We had to have hung out at least three times before threatening to kill me."

862: Yoink

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"When they're dead I can't make them cry."

861: His Image

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Never been more offended..."

860: Turn it Down

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 8 Dec 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"If you ever just feel like yelling at me: Don't."

859: Get Over Yourself

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 6 Dec 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"I don't want my dick back in a knot. Just suck it."

858: No Thank You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 5 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You're better than me. The End."

857: Use Your Illusion

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 4 Dec 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Where are the coloreds getting their water?"

KATGtv 15b: Baked PotatoE

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 2 Dec 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Our very Sexy PotatoE stunts her maturity

856: For Crying Out Loud

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 1 Dec 2008 20:00:00 GMT

"Sometimes we have really creepy moments."

855: Nerve

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"I will destroy your life. I'm not kidding."

854: Hit 'Em!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Sounds a little Hate Crime to me..."

853: Act Like a Man

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"Get ready to punch your friend in the face."

852: Told Ya So

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"They have to admit that Keith Malley is nicer than Adam Curry."

851: The Ol' Switcheroo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"I demand that everyone act appropriately."

850: Newsy's Twat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Here's a picture of my dick. That should tide you over."

849: The Pick-Up Artist

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"If someone hands you The Meaning of Life, how do you go on living?"

848: Timing is Everything

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"Yes, you were a jerk. Everyone hates you for what you did."

847: Baby's First Show

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"All your compliments offend me."

846: The Crazy and the Drunk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 21:30:00 GMT

"Can I get a party size glass of that?"

845: Keith's Friends

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"You're not gonna pervert our relationship."

844: City Country

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You know what's in my brain right now? Fucking you, 9-year-old."

843: Grownups

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"You get nothing until you apologize to me!"

842: Runaway

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 9 Nov 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"You have the disease that I don't like to hang out with."

841: Ladies' Troubles

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Nov 2008 19:15:00 GMT

"This is going to end badly."

840: Erection Day

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Nov 2008 02:30:00 GMT

"The problem is your penis wasn't out."

839: Master Debater

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Nov 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"If he's wet, he's a pedophile!"

838: Vote Obama

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Nov 2008 03:00:00 GMT

"The phone number's open for your apology, you fuckin' bitch."

837: N.D.P.A.C.

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 1 Nov 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Good comedy is based on research."

836: Breathless

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"Do we need to stop this?"

835: Coconut in the Garage with the Noose

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"You have the right to remain silent."

834: Fuckin' Hippies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"I bet I could beat the ever-livin' shit out of you."

833: Max Payne

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"I cannot guarantee reliability, sobriety or even coherentness."

KATGtv 15: Salvia

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

Our heroes trip balls - Mike the Intern, McNally and Keith

832: Don't Do Drugs

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Your vagina's eatin' my dick."

831: Everyone has AIDS!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 17:00:00 GMT

"Oh my God, do you want babies?"

830: As a Kite

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"I was in my own glass thing. So I couldn't get out of the box. And the box kept pushin' me - maybe 'cause I'm flyin' through space like that..."

829: Back in the Saddle

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"If we fought, I would not be surprised."

Show 828: Live in London

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Check out the full video at KATG.com/live

827: Soap Hockey (Israel)

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

"You'll say it like it is. What do you think of Israel?"

826: KATG Marathon - The Grand Finale

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

825: KATG Marathon - 2 Mothers 1 Gunner

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

824: KATG Marathon - Chris and Lori Part 3

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 8 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

823: KATG Marathon - Chris and Lori Part 2

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 7 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

822: KATG Marathon - Chris and Lori Part 1

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 6 Oct 2008 04:00:00 GMT

821: Drill, Baby, Drill

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 4 Oct 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Name one good day as a couple that we've had together."

820: Litmus Test

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Oct 2008 17:00:00 GMT

"Raise your pizzas."

819: People > Animals

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 1 Oct 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"He's come a long way from when he was eating shit in the bathroom."

818: Love & London

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"Send out your signals: Don't fuck around the Malleys' house."

817: Star Power

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"If you don't leave now, I will shoot you."

816: You Were Right, John Mayer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Nice try, bitch! I know about podcasting."

815: Disappearing Act

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 19:00:00 GMT

"I'll get that baby out today."

814: Killing Me Softly

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 21:00:00 GMT

"They're just hoping we don't shoot up the place."

813: My Backyard

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"What are the chances of my parole officer being here?"

812: Unconstitutional

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"The irony is you don't like you."

811: Octopus Genitalia

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"This is Knock Shit Outta People's Hands Area, and you're in it."

810: Everyday People

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"If it looks weird and smells weird, don't do it."

809: Playing Around

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 21:00:00 GMT

"Chemda said I'm allowed to punch him right in the face."

808: Friends & Family

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 21:00:00 GMT

"Every deal that we've gotten is because we have potty mouths."

807: Learning in Moderation

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"I'll burn that bridge when I come to it."

806: Skirting the Issues

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Do I look like an asshole if I sit you down and explain to you how to curse? Cause holy cunt-balls..."

805: A Losing Battle

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"He wouldn't shake my hand in person, but now I'm gonna check his asshole cancer."

804: Sex, Pigs and Lipstick

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 20:30:00 GMT

"Maybe you should have thought about that when you got knocked up near power lines."

803: Take Care of Your Own

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"This dog just fucked me!"

802: How to Approach Keith

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 9 Sep 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You're drunk! Shut your mouth!"

801: I Blame You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 6 Sep 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"I ain't talkin' about the vagina, honey."

800: That's Not Your Baby

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 4 Sep 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"Too approachable! I'm too good!"

799: Just Kidding

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Sep 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"I need faces! I need faces!"

798: The King of Kings

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 2 Sep 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"Don't let our amusement throw you."

KATGtv 14: KATG's Wedding/Fight

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 1 Sep 2008 04:00:00 GMT

Keith and The Girl try to get married

797: Wedding Preparations

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"More people need to be quiet and start diaries."

796: Where's the Line?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"Get up. You're not having a panic attack."

795: Killer Comedy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 18:30:00 GMT

"It's time for me to stop being scared, and time to make others start."

794: You Ever Notice...

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Why am I the representative of all things you hate today?"

793: No Offense

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"Never would I ever come across as a whore. And for you to suggest that is just disgusting."

792: Chinese Democracy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 Aug 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"And to think I should be dead."

791: 18 & Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Call ahead."

790: In It for Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 21:45:00 GMT

"Hey, sorry. My bad. I'm out. We're done."

789: Love thy Neighbor

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Nobody thinks there's any consequences."

788: You're Welcome

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:00:00 GMT

"Would this make you applaud?!"

787: FTW

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Adam just looks horrified right now."

786: Special Strengths

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 19:00:00 GMT

"A whole bunch of sperm at once makes you tell bad puns all the time."

785: Versus

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"You're not sending a signal that I should start fucking your face?"

784: Fuck Carnival

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 03:00:00 GMT

"Let me tell you how I feel about THAT person..."

783: KATG Marathon - Pandejo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 8 Aug 2008 04:00:00 GMT

782: KATG Marathon - Affirmative Action

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Aug 2008 04:00:00 GMT

781: KATG Marathon - Hot or Not

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Aug 2008 04:00:00 GMT

780: KATG Marathon - World Policy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Aug 2008 04:00:00 GMT

779: KATG Marathon - The Magic Number

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 4 Aug 2008 04:00:00 GMT

778: Ironman Bobby

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 2 Aug 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Let's have a fuckin' baby! Let's end this shit!"

777: Talk Dirty to Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"I want to work with you. Please tell me the secret of The Ancients."

776: On the Real

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"I've decided that I just'm gonna play you what I recorded when it happened because it's honest, and... that's what I do."

775: Battle of the Sexes

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"Fuck you, God. There, I said it."

774: Dr. Feelbad

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"You're dead. I'm gonna kill you."

773: To the Limit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"I can't tell if this guy is boasting a little too much about it, or he's just amazed that he's even alive."

772: See You in Court

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"Tell me the bad things about me."

771: 1-800-GAMBLER

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 20:30:00 GMT

"I'd eat a buddy of mine. Happily."

770: Fuck Your Country

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"We are so much more tolerant of you fuckers."

769: Keith's Line

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Are you the retard where I need to acknowledge you or not acknowledge you?

768: KATG Marathon - Exhibit A for the Prosecution

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:00:00 GMT

767: KATG Marathon - Butman Meets Soccergirl

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 04:00:00 GMT

766: KATG Marathon - Butman Begins

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 04:00:00 GMT

765: KATG Marathon - Girls' Night

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 04:00:00 GMT

764: KATG Marathon - Bobby Mitchell and Noemi

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:00:00 GMT

763: Intervention

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Welcome to the club. See you in Hell."

762: Halfsies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"How sad your life is, Keith... to not know love..."

761: Our Demands

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 Jul 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"You think Mevio keeps their tents? I doubt it."

760: Roommates

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Jul 2008 19:00:00 GMT

"This is a human being? Well I gotta look that word up. 'Cause I don't think it is."

759: Country Dough Face

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Jul 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"If you think you've heard Chemda on 11; no you haven't. You've heard her on 3. That's all you ever heard her on."

758: Head of the Class

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Jul 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"Fuck you, England. I didn't forget."

757: Be a Man

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Jul 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You don't even know where you are, Big Boy."

756: The Customer is Usually Wrong

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:00:00 GMT

"You can't make somebody happy."

755: Dah-Dahn Da-Dah

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 28 Jun 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Your kegerator is fuckin' up my tongue."

754: The Worst Thing We've Ever Done

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"Nobody's tricking me anymore."

753: Tour of Booty

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 01:45:00 GMT

"The Seven Year Itch is comin'..."

752: Home Sweet New York

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Why do we need to give everybody a chance?"

751: The Dying and the Dead

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 02:30:00 GMT

"I'm not a thief, okay? I'm a very very upstanding citizen."

750: Haterade

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"You're my only fuckin' truly honest friend, and for that, sir, you're forever."

749: If It Fits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"This was a horrible thing I did."

748: Queers, Racists and Whores

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 09:00:00 GMT

"Dick... tasted like sprinkles."

747: We Rule; They Drool

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:00:00 GMT

"You shouldn't have a drink because you're gonna go to bed and pee yourself."

746: The 74-Hour Podcast

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:00:00 GMT

"We just want to be in Guinness."

745: Mac Daddy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:30:00 GMT

"I'll tell you this, all you genius parents with your point of view..."

744: The Justice Game

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Jun 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"If you can do me a favor and not sniff your own pussy too much in my bathroom, I'd appreciate it."

743: Million Dollar Baby

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 6 Jun 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"I want a baby."

742: Dream Warriors

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Jun 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Well, I mean, six years later I find out it wasn't the real thing..."

741: Partay!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Jun 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"I've always been a fat person. My whole family are fat people."

740: Judge Fatty

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Jun 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"Keith and The Girl will fail as a show because I will shoot my listeners in the face."

KATGtv 13: Dance Monkey Dance

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 2 Jun 2008 04:00:00 GMT

A highlight reel of 14-year-old KATG Internet Sensation Bruno G

739: The Trouble Card

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 31 May 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"I know I fucked him somehow. I just couldn't remember."

738: You Otter Know

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 May 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Do we want to place a bet?"

737: Lights, Karma, Action

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 May 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"If anyone out there who's listening to this listens to that hateful piece of trash called Keith and The Girl..."

736: KATG Kills

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 May 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"You owe me $5. You played The Motherfucker."

735: Innocence Lost

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 23 May 2008 04:00:00 GMT

"If we were in jail, your mouth would be first."

734: Nick Starr is Gay

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 22 May 2008 04:00:00 GMT

"I haven't actually told this to anybody. Ever."

733: Positive/Negative: Real and Fake

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 21 May 2008 04:00:00 GMT

"You're not dragging me into your Above and Beyond."

732: Positive/Negative: Major League and Minor League

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:00:00 GMT

"Then how did I get scalping tickets to your Bat Mitzvah, cunt?"

731: Positive/Negative: The Fit and The Fat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 19 May 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"You know what tastes the best? Satisfaction."

730: McNally in a Tree

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 17 May 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"Would it be easier to sleep with her if you quit imagining that she's your sister?"

729: Black, White and Other

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 16 May 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"You smell like rent."

728: We Can Hear You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 May 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"What the fuck is your problem, man?!"

727: How May I Curse You?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 May 2008 18:00:00 GMT

"I don't use foul language, and I don't like to hear anyone else use it either."

726: Wanna Fight?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 12 May 2008 10:30:00 GMT

"I don't mean to sound like some kind of ninja, but I controlled it."

725: Death or Destruction

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 10 May 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"To hear you say that, honestly, is a slap in the face."

724: Brother Love's Mother

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 9 May 2008 03:00:00 GMT

"He smirked at you, then came on your wife."

723: Shenanigans

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 May 2008 03:00:00 GMT

"I bet there's a lot of skin under her nails."

722: Kill the Noise

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 May 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"But nobody was watching the body, so I got busy."

721: Iron Woman

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 5 May 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"I smelled my ass-pants after just to see."

KATGtv 12: Derby!!!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 5 May 2008 04:00:00 GMT

KATG spends time in the Small Country

720: Lie in It

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 4 May 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"I'll pay thirty-five bucks to fuck you."

719: Diff'rent Strokes

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 2 May 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"It was so ridiculous that we were sitting there eating together."

718: KATG Heals

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Put your hand in my wound thing!"

717: It's Not a Fight

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"You guys are not the easiest people to bring a fuckin' girlfriend around - right? - at all."

716: Derby!!!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"Look at you: Full-On Country!"

KATGtv 11: Spooky vs Deuce 2

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 04:00:00 GMT

The Spooky and Deuce armwrestling rematch

715: Our Own Fans

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"If I know I'm right, you're so fuckin' wrong."

714: Kink

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"You're not gonna ruin my new mom for me, ladies."

713: Quitter

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"I'm just addicted to broken people."

712: Once a Year

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"This is on the air? We got this?"

711: Jesse's Girl

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"I made myself seem approachable, and I think that's where I went wrong."

710: Know-It-Alls

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"I can't explain to you, your honor, stand-up comedy."

709: Cavemen and The Girl

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"I did several jabs to the face and an uppercut to the face."

708: Drama Queen

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Let me tell you all the secrets I know!"

707: Bonus!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"I like it when I win rape scenarios."

706: Come Correct

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 Apr 2008 18:30:00 GMT

"You're gonna get a shitload of prayers comin' your way, buddy."

705: Respect

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Apr 2008 22:19:00 GMT

"People. Aren't. Nice."

704: Making a Difference

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 7 Apr 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"You're a fuckin' idiot, and try to talk less at parties."

703: Infighting

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 4 Apr 2008 05:40:00 GMT

"Don't be a bitch! I'm sensitive!"

702: Office Humor

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Apr 2008 07:55:00 GMT

"When I need to bust a nut, I gotta get into the city toot sweet."

701: Southern Hospitality

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Apr 2008 13:00:00 GMT

"The advice you've given me has led to a bigger problem."

700: Keith's Aspie Test

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 1 Apr 2008 09:00:00 GMT

"We are now gonna see if I am an Asperger."

699: WrestleMania XXIV

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:00:00 GMT

"Picture the power of this midget, but with brass knuckles!"

698: Deconstructing McNally

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Seriously, why do you hate me so much?!"

697: 70/30

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"Keep doing your show, assholes. Your life is getting ruined."

696: Pure Evil

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:00:00 GMT

"I hate my dad, and I couldn't take it anymore."

695: Misspoken

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 20:00:00 GMT

"I'm a street nigga. You'll see me."

694: Go Directly to Jail

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 19:30:00 GMT

"The cake is not a lie."

693: Holidays for Everyone

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 20:30:00 GMT

"I have heart. I got the broomstick now."

692: Kids are Dumb

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 02:30:00 GMT

"Laugh. It only helps me."

691: Perspective

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 02:30:00 GMT

"I'm spending $300 tonight, and I'm drunk, and my liver's done."

690: Know Your Enema

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 20:00:00 GMT

"Why's everybody coming to me for their enemas anyway?"

689: Good Answer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 03:59:00 GMT

"Don't be offended if you're the one giving the speech and it's Hooker Time."

688: Confessions

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 23:30:00 GMT

"It was also dark, and you got pushed down by a ho."

687: Don't Call Me Fat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Nothing you say will ever put my family back together."

686: That One Percent

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"Did you just say my time's not fuckin' important with my fake job and fake kids?! Who the fuck are you?!"

685: Fall from Grace

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:30:00 GMT

"Some of these adults have mentioned things to me that I feel obligated to address, for if they are true as they were described to me, I have lost a son."

684: Three Years Down

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 8 Mar 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"I got a gun. Happy anniversary to me."

683: Class Action

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Mar 2008 20:30:00 GMT

"He's definitely a little delusional."

682: Jamie Hunting

info@KeithandTheGirl — Thu, 6 Mar 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"I might be kind of a nightmare to date."

681: Professionalism

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Mar 2008 20:00:00 GMT

"Are you keeping a secret that could break you two up?"

680: When to Say When

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Mar 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"It's incredibly hard to find a chick who isn't a just great big retarded whore."

KATGtv 10: Four Short Films

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 3 Mar 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Open Mic Night, Chemda: Fame Whore, White Boys and The Spooky Hot Shot.

679: Keith's Glamourous Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 1 Mar 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"I'm the only person who likes you."

678: Fighting Fair

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"The problem wasn't so much the raping..."

677: Break Time

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"And I don't know if I'm like impressed with his skills or saddened that it only took the girls two drinks."

676: Blow Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"You know it's gonna get worse, right?"

675: And the Winner Isn't...

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"You're gonna make me cry! Take this!"

674: Restaurant Exaggerators

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"Where the fuck is it a quarter a minute?"

673: The Moment of Truth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"The $500,000 question: Have you killed somebody?"

672: Garson

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 00:45:00 GMT

"You think these people are actually thinking straight before they go on this show?"

671: Be Nervous

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"You have my phone number! You coulda called me!"

670: The Helpies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"I know you didn't want to get into this..."

669: Nigger

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 21:00:00 GMT

"Now you're back to Square One. You gotta keep selling your vagina on the Internet."

668: Bad Information

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"Well, I may not know much about God, but I have to say we built a pretty nice cage for him."

667: Bugger!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 23:00:00 GMT

"I really think he meant I sell my daughter on the street."

666: Games

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 10:00:00 GMT

"You're in the fuckin' hottest Fuck Room. This is the Keith and The Girl Fuck Room. You're blowin' it."

KATGtv 9: Last Comic Standing

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Crazy Mike, Jesse Joyce and a million Last Comic Standing hopefuls

665: Learn to Swim

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 9 Feb 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"When does 'shy' mean you gotta go for my balls?"

664: Inappropriate Behavior

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 8 Feb 2008 01:30:00 GMT

"I would not come back for a second punch."

663: Family Portrait

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Feb 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"And I do not want to be on this show, so I'm gonna hang up."

662: Don't Eat the Cake

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Feb 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"Are you even listening to your inner monologue?"

661: Play to Win

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Feb 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Why do you have a picture of my nuts on your phone?"

KATGtv 8: Ask Heath Ledger

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 4 Feb 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Heath Ledger talks from the grave

660: Who Let the Dogs Out

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 2 Feb 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"If you're coming to my party, bring your purse. Or wallet. I don't sexually discriminate."

659: Harry Pooter

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 1 Feb 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"This is an insult? That's so fuckin' cool!"

658: KKKanada

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 02:00:00 GMT

"Fuck you. You die."

657: The Schemes of Things

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 22:30:00 GMT

"Have you ever tried or thought about killing somebody else?"

656: The Great Debaters

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:00:00 GMT

"I told her about the show and gave her a sticker, not ever thinking it would go this far."

655: Psychic Duo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Do you think Keith is hiding pain?"

654: New Territory

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Why don't you think about that for awhile?"

KATGtv 7: Game Night

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Pictionary, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em and vodka - Let's wake up the neighbors

653: Psycho Analysis

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 19 Jan 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"Shut the fuck up, and stop being a little bitch."

652: The Boss' Wife

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 01:00:00 GMT

"Death or drugs? Just tell me that."

651: KATG The Musical

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 20:00:00 GMT

"The only diss I want to give her is disinfectant."

650: Truth to Tell

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"I got the crap kicked out of me by one of the American Gladiators yesterday."

649: Dead Funny

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:00:00 GMT

"I'm fine, and I don't mind him telling this story."

KATGtv 6: Personal Time

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 05:00:00 GMT

Personal time with Chemda and Keith

648: Next Case

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 Jan 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"Stop making me laugh about this! It's foul!"

647: The Influenced

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"Is that going in the documentary? Put that in there. That's a good one."

646: Girl Power

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"Stop. Sit down. Write your own joke."

645: Tricks of the Trade

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 Jan 2008 00:30:00 GMT

"It's not okay until I see him cry!"

644: West Coast Pussies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

"I just did that in front of all them?"

643: Visitation Rights

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 5 Jan 2008 04:59:00 GMT

"We felt so bad that we fucked up. Everybody wants to die."

BEGINNINGS 21: The In or Out Club

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Jan 2008 05:00:00 GMT

139: "Who's Sicker?" (September 19 '05) - Keith gets sickyboos, and Chemda wanks herself arid. (BEGIN to 6:00)

96: "Ray Visits" (July 18 '05) - Ray visits with his brother and walks straight into the third degree. Craigslist hookups, Cytherea squirts, more sick shit on the internet, and the infamous eel video. (19:00 to 33:00, with edits)

92: "Old Enough to Know Better" (July 12 '05) - A tragic suicide story in the news leads to yet another hilarious excursion into Keith's formative years. The classic red flags for suicide and drug abuse. (BEGIN to 15:00, with edits)

98: "What a Beach" (July 20 '05) - More eely goodness, nummy-nummers. Chemda's sexy reenactment of the translation. Keith takes the first "can I jerk to this?" challenge. (BEGIN to 10:40)

133: "Get Mad. Get Even." (September 9 '05) - A caller witnesses an altercation, spurring an exchange on street justice, vigilantism, and Samaritanism. Keith throws down some major foreshadowing. (17:30 to 29:00, with edits)

140: "Satan Sucks" (September 21 '05) - Does Chemda have vibration white finger from masturbating too much? She seems to think so, for a while anyway, possibly becoming the first documented case of nymphochondria. The segment regarding clown parties and retarded children that was used in the very first KATG animation. (32:00 to 42:00)

BEGINNINGS 20: Thick Sweat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Jan 2008 05:00:00 GMT

125: "What Do Blacks Want?" (August 30 '05) Keith and Chemda anticipate another fantastic clown company party. This time, it's on a boat. (26:30 to 31:30)

102: "The Aftermath" (July 26 '05) A dramatic reading from the Family Circus, what's happening in Somerset, and more tales of larceny. School is bad enough, but imagine having a parent working at the same school. (35:00 to 47:00)

126: "Sins of the World" (August 31 '05) They field some emails regarding racism and looting in the wake of Katrina. The post-company party wrap-up. (BEGIN to 25:00)

131: "Jerk This" (September 7 '05) The lengths Keith will go to run off a batch. Malley's guide to jerk booths and strip club survival. The evils of masturbation. Keith talks about nocturnal emissions. (29:00 to 49:00)

126: "Sins of the World" (August 31 '05) Another crash outside morphs into a rant on 911 operators. Masturbation horror stories. (32:30 to 55:00, with edits)

128: "Stop the Insanity!" (September 2 '05) An old ex of Keith's calls in. (23:30 to 24:30)

139: "Who's Sicker?" (September 19 '05) Keith gets sickyboos, and Chemda wanks herself arid. (BEGIN to 6:00)

96: "Ray Visits" (July 18 '05) Ray visits with his brother and walks straight into the third degree. Craigslist hookups, Cytherea squirts, more sick shit on the internet, and the infamous eel video. (19:00 to 33:00, with edits)

92: "Old Enough to Know Better" (July 12 '05) A tragic suicide story in the news leads to yet another hilarious excursion into Keith's formative years. The classic red flags for suicide and drug abuse. (BEGIN to 15:00, with edits)

98: "What a Beach" (July 20 '05) More eely goodness, nummy-nummers. Chemda's sexy reenactment of the translation. Keith takes the first "can I jerk to this?" challenge. (BEGIN to 10:40)

133: "Get Mad. Get Even." (September 9 '05) A caller witnesses an altercation, spurring an exchange on street justice, vigilantism, and Samaritanism. Keith throws down some major foreshadowing. (17:30 to 29:00, with edits)

140: "Satan Sucks" (September 21 '05) Does Chemda have vibration white finger from masturbating too much? She seems to think so, for a while anyway, possibly becoming the first documented case of nymphochondria. The segment regarding clown parties and retarded children that was used in the very first KATG animation. (32:00 to 42:00)

BEGINNINGS 19: Believe the Hype

Tue, 1 Jan 2008 05:00:00 GMT

107: "Suck a Dick Wednesday" (August 3 '05) A beautiful tradition begins. Keith recounts a clown job working with Wendy The Clown and returns with an opinion on Ching Chong moms. (BEGIN to 19:00)

111: "Baby's First Blow Job" (August 10 '05) It fuckin' works, folks. Suck a Dick Wednesday works. Even for the youngest of fans. And dudes in clown pants. Almost. (BEGIN to 8:30)

110: "Technical Difficulties" (August 9 '05) Ching Chong snot customs. (10:30 to 12:30)

112: "Animals" (August 11 '05) With Patrice. Danny, with his new full-blown confidence, tries to bag himself a gossip queen on IM. (5:30 to 13:00)

103: "Great Adventure" (July 28 '05) With Patrice. The 8 Clown Commandments, all broken. Is there a Clown Hell? (9:00 to 17:00)

115: "Parental Advisory" (August 16 '05) Some good banter, including: Hufu, the soy-based human flesh substitute. Funny, it never caught on. Faces of Death discussion. Curb stompin'. The light/dark, sweetheart/asshole duality that is Keith Malley. Fart science, skydiving, more blowjob talk, the reality of sex education, and the danger of snooping through your folks' shit. The first time Keith mentions wanting a gun. (25:00 to 49:00)

BEGINNINGS 18: Conveniently Located to Many Accidents

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 05:00:00 GMT

102: "The Aftermath" (July 26 '05) - A quick lesson in handling criticism, free entertainment, and Keith and Chemda are chomping at the bit to get to their romantic anniversary getaway: Six Flags Great Adventure. How can you not wanna pinch their little cheeks? (BEGIN to 22:00, with edits)

103: "Great Adventure" (July 28 '05) - With Patrice. Six Flags Trip redux, with some distractions along the way... State Farm and Duane Reade commercials, the embryo of "e;What do we do now?,"e; the Action Park of yore, some hot, wet water park talk, thug couture, and FUNNEL CAKE! Also, Keith bucks the oppression of the countdown for you, loyal listener. But c'mon, FUCKING FUNNEL CAKE! (BEGIN to 8:55, 17:00 to 52:00)

104: "Cock and Balls" (July 29 '05) - With Jason. Alcatraz: The Ripoff. A charming story about Chemda's boobs. (BEGIN to 5:30, 31:00 to 34:00)

BEGINNINGS 17: Klass Dismissed

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 05:00:00 GMT

100: "KATG LIVE!" (July 22 '05) - The groovy eccentric lovemuffins land a mention in a New York Times article about podcasting. They use the opportunity to take a few jabs at their favorite farmhouse contemporaries. (6:00 to 11:00)

120: "Fire-Breathing Assholes" (August 23 '05) - Ms. Bitch-Dog, Mr. Scrotum-Bag, and more stories of customer (dis)service. (22:30 to 32:00)

104: "Cock and Balls" (July 29 '05) - With Jason. Things are heating up in the KATG camp. Keith's standup enters rotation on XM, and the online version of the NY Times article includes an awkwardly produced video news package, generating the expected, incisive critique. Keith's brother, Mark, decides to fuck with the municipal authoritah. (15:00 to 22:30)

134: "The Girl on PMS" (September 12 '05) - There's no hot water in the co-op, and the "old man" decides to call and find out where he can take a much-needed post-gym shower. (BEGIN to 10:00)

105: "Hatin'" (August 1 '05) - Dan Klass asks for a retraction in the NY Times article, effectively killing the whole thing. Presumably. (BEGIN to 2:00)

110: "Technical Difficulties" (August 9 '05) - Dad, gay anthropologist and Harvey Feuerstein expert. (23:00 to 27:00)

106: "Dan Klass is an Addict" (August 2 '05) - It turns out the article and video were not deleted. Klass, in his own inimitable and retarded style, discusses the Times' article's devastating effect on his career. Keith and Chemda in turn dismantle him in their own inimitable style. And, yes, all roads lead back to Keith's dad. (BEGIN to 14:30, 43:00 to 47:00)

115: "Parental Advisory" (August 16 '05) - Wacky laws and cursing. (52:00 to 57:00)

108: "Find Patrice a Job" (August 4 '05) - With Patrice. Dan gets pwned on the KATG message board and then on his own forum. The balance of justice is restored in the world. (38:00 to 43:00)

BEGINNINGS 16: My Serioso

info@KeithandTheGirl — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 05:00:00 GMT

125: "What Do Blacks Want?" (August 30 '05) - Keith and Chemda plan a weekend away together, and mull over some sage advice regarding hot tubs. (31:30 to 36:00)

130: "Farts and Branks" (September 6 '05) - A new term is born unto the KATG canon. (25:00 to 34:30)

129: "Poconos" (September 5 '05) - If everything had gone wonderfully on vacation, this segment wouldn't be nearly as entertaining. Broken bed, stained fixtures, overcharges, and, if that weren't enough, comedy hypnosis. (BEGIN to 50:00)

BEGINNINGS 15: Let it Shine, Let it Shine, Let it Shine

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 05:00:00 GMT

88: "Stick To Your Own" (July 6 '05) - Keith's Mom finds out about the podcast. (7:30 to 8:10)

116: "Duck, Duck, Uh-Oh!" (August 17' 05) - With Andrea. Sabotaging friendships, Dad the illusionist, and the Church in the Mall. (5:00 to 21:00)

135: "Behind the Scenes" (September 13 '05) - Pizza Party! The cult of the jailed celebrity, and a crap TV free-for-all. Martha, Tyra, Bonaduce, Maury, Jerry, Ricki, etc. Plus, Mo'Nique, eating habits and disorders, novel weight-loss tactics, acid reflux, prescription drugs and doctors. (4:00 to 38:00)

120: "Fire-Breathing Assholes" (August 23 '05) - Keith gets a letter from dear old Dad. (32:00 to 45:00)

BEGINNINGS 14: A Patrice Tour de Force

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 25 Dec 2007 05:00:00 GMT

85: "I Have a Black Friend" (June 30 '05) - Keith can't swim and neither can Patrice; even though she can breathe underwater a little. Yoga, sweat, hospital stories, the magic of opiates and the post-op dump. (BEGIN to 20:00)

94: "Back in the Day" (July 14 '05) - Keith, Patrice and Chemda (well, to be fair, mostly Patrice and Chemda) reminisce about their favorite TV shows growing up. (BEGIN to 7:00)

117: "Walken 2008" (August 18 '05) - Patrice gets irrigated, and everybody learns way too much about her colon. (2:00 to 9:00)

99: "Babies on Acid" (July 21 '05) - Treece chaperones her brother on a date, and all ramifications of young love are discussed. They then pile more shit on Ray's Sanrio-obsessed girlfriend. (7:00 to 22:00, with edits)

108: "Find Patrice a Job" (August 4 '05) - Patrice does what Patrice does best: (8:00 to 38:00)

BEGINNINGS 13: Be at Ease!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 24 Dec 2007 14:00:00 GMT

84: "Drinking On the Job" (June 29 '05) - Do you have what it takes to be Somerset Dairy Princess? Filling in the gaps in the Malley family's early years, and more high-larity from the bottomless well that is Keith's upbringing. Milk, terrorism, dead dogs, Casey Kasem, professional treachery, and potential IM fuck-ups. (45:00 to 62:00)

87: "Fuckstration" (July 5 '05) - Dicking around with high school teachers, and struggling with foreign language. Keith is the Devil. Who knew? (15:00 to 24:00)

88: "Stick To Your Own" (July 6 '05) - Keith muses on racial sensitivity and critical emails, Chemda talks Jew camp and ethno-racial cliques. What is the worst race? Keith submits an entry via an apartment-hunting anecdote. Chemda follows up with an apartment story of her own. Jew hats, little Hasids with peyos, Jew stuff a-plenty, L'chaim! (30:00 to 52:00)

90: "Small Town Minds" (July 8 '05) - Dairy Princess crowned! The mystery of the Jewish "I'm important" hat solved! Milk facts! Italians want to be offended and feel left out! Fockin'-A! (10:00 to 23:00)

642: Chemda Said Knock You Out

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"You can burn in Hell, bitch!"

641: Jeremymas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"It's almost like being bisexual."

640: Sigh

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"You're an asshole, Keith. This is the most asshole move that you make. You're really an asshole."

639: Eurotrash

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"You learn to get aggressive really quickly in Europe or else you die."

KATGtv 5: Cinnamon Challenge

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 05:20:00 GMT

Disproving the cinnamon challenge myth

638: Spring Cleaning

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"Did you just make cancer sexy?"

637: Right and Wrong

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"You will not figure this man out until you drink with him at least ten times."

636: Traditions Part 2

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 07:00:00 GMT

"Cause they were black. You can say they were black."

635: Traditions Part 1

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"You dumbed down my dick."

634: A New York Christmas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"You're too horny to google Keith and The Girl."

KATGtv 4: Bad Breath

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 05:00:00 GMT

An inside look at KATG's studio

633: Rules of the Game

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 8 Dec 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"Leeroy, why do you always gotta do that?"

632: Friends Till The End

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 7 Dec 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"All the more reason to bring back corporal punishment."

631: Bad Angles

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Dec 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"I have MS, and yes, I'm an asshole."

630: The Greats

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Dec 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"They're all on my side, ya douche!"

629: My Favorite Mistake

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Dec 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"I'm trying not to be scared of you."

628: Keith's Birthday

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 18:45:00 GMT

"I can't have kids because I have cysts on my ovaries."

627: Holiday Cheer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 23:45:00 GMT

"We don't start these! Ever!"

626: Back to Work

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 00:15:00 GMT

"Let me hold your wallet while I dance for you. It'll be nicer."

625: Thinking Out Loud

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 21:00:00 GMT

"You never wanted to just stomp a baby?"

624: Douchebag Necessities

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 01:45:00 GMT

"Remember the days they dropped babies off a cliff because it wasn't good enough?"

KATGtv 3: Phenomenon

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 26 Nov 2007 05:00:00 GMT

Keith performs his magics

623: A KATG Outing

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 22 Nov 2007 01:45:00 GMT

"I will not be on the show, and I will not discuss any of that."

622: Hog Hunting

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"All you're doing is sending her home to cry."

621: Bros Before Hos

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 Nov 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"Do you wanna talk about buttplay?"

KATGtv 2: 2 Girls 1 Cup

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 05:00:00 GMT

Chemda's reaction to the world-renowned video 2 Girls 1 Cup

620: Sexpectations

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"Hello. You're dead."

619: Foreign Affairs

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"Hey, fuck you assholes, it's time for Armchair Kid Nation!"

618: You're Fired!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 01:45:00 GMT

"I'm sorry, it was balls. You're fired."

617: Bear and The Girl

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"It's go time, Lord."

KATGtv 1: Heather Mills

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 05:00:00 GMT

Debut episode featuring celebrity guest Heather Mills

616: Castrating Spooky

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"Words hurt N-words."

615: Professional Journalism

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Nov 2007 19:00:00 GMT

"I let people call me Dog for my life. You think I'm swift, Larry?"

614: Reverend Lawrence Florman

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Nov 2007 04:30:00 GMT

"We switched to gin, Dad and I."

613: Fakers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 Nov 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Don't call him a pussy. He came to shit, he shat, he's done."

612: Stupid Americans

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"I bet if you were my boyfriend you'd help me all the time."

611: A Taste of Hate

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 3 Nov 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I wish my audience was robots. That's the irony."

610: Doggin' the Competition

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 2 Nov 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"We don't mean that shit. But America would think we mean that."

609: Dum Dums

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 22:00:00 GMT

"'Oh no, people are wiping my ass. That's horrendous.' I think I've earned it! 'Start wipin'.'"

608: On the Road Again

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Pick a fuckin' side, women!"

607: Upper East Side

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"Live Free or Die. And you guys chose die."

606: B.J. and the Beer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 22:30:00 GMT

"Tell me what I'm supposed to feel, Keith."

605: Picking Sides

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"I did feel like when I ate it it was made with a hard-on."

604: Fat Enabler

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"You said you weren't gonna go there, and you did."

603: Reunited

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"The sincerity of your shit is amazing."

602: Pulling Out

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 19 Oct 2007 16:30:00 GMT

"I was worried that I wouldn't get a boner, and then she would be insulted."

601: As Bitch is to Cunt

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"'Member when crazy made sense?"

600: Jesse Joyce

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"I got ten days to give a fuck."

599: Power Position

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"So he's watching you jerk off."

598: The Dissing Game

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 22:45:00 GMT

"How do you get into someone's butthole like that?"

597: Everything for Dummies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"You want to eat his asshole; now you're on the side of guns."

596: Kids Talk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 21:00:00 GMT

"I ride a long bus, and my shit stinks!"

595: How to Make It

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"Finally a Canadian I hate."

594: Everyone Poops

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 9 Oct 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"I shit my pants out of choice."

593: Parental Guidance

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 5 Oct 2007 19:30:00 GMT

"We say that to our ladies and horses."

592: God Opens a Window

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 4 Oct 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"There's too many cameras. You're fuckin' me. You're dead."

591: A Hero's Departure

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Oct 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"You don't even have to kill people to make a difference."

590: Emotional Wreck

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Oct 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"You beat your horse gay!"

589: A Hero's Return

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 1 Oct 2007 21:30:00 GMT

"I learned it's fun to let other people learn."

588: We Win!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Tonight we settle all family fuckin' debts"

587: In Country

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"They're gonna analyze the video and find out who farted and fire them."

586: License to Drive

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Your son has autism. And only your beautiful tits can save him."

585: Nerd Holocaust

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"We are no longer friends."

584: Backstage

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 24 Sep 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"I'm very logical. I'm scientific. I will break you down. I'm mathematical."

583: Shit Talking

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I messed up. I didn't slash the."

582: Playing Yourself

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 18:00:00 GMT

"I'd date the shit outta you, Patrice."

581: Rock of Love?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Sep 2007 02:00:00 GMT

"Do you think after Chemda and I break up the show can still work?"

580: :-)

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"Do we have to be naked?"

579: Knowledge is Power

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 01:30:00 GMT

"I gotta say, between your mouth and your hairy bush..."

578: The Gun Show

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 15 Sep 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"A handicap ain't got nothin' on me."

577: Crybabies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Sep 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"Who can think of 9/11 at a time like this?"

576: Dinner Conversation

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Sep 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"Brother Love, why did you tell her? It was supposed to be a secret."

575: The End of the World

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 11 Sep 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"There's no such thing as in a good way with a hippie."

574: The Shitbox

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"There's radio shows all over the fuckin' dial. Who gives a shit?"

573: Imagine

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 8 Sep 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Is it a hard thing for you guys to bring your own chair? BYOC."

572: Keith's New Job

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 7 Sep 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"He made me into his balls."

571: Trust Issues

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Sep 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"Every time I said, 'show me titties,' I saw titties."

570: The Con

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Sep 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"What came first: the bully or the nerd?"

Show 569: Live in Atlanta

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 1 Sep 2007 01:00:00 GMT

www.KATG.com/live

568: Monster-in-Law

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 16:00:00 GMT

"Who says that? I think the Devil says that. I think that's the only person that says that."

567: Abuse

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"Well, personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map."

566: God's Will

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"And I'll tell you this: It will not be podsafe."

565: Challenge!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"Are you a retard, or am I an asshole?"

564: Lovers, Fighters

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"That's why this and my brother should both be in jail."

563: When White is Wrong

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 21:00:00 GMT

"She looks like sucky sucky dollar."

562: F-MOS

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"Let me feel single in this porta potty."

561: Another Friend Lost?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 21 Aug 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"And then we got naked and put something in me."

560: Reverse Snobbery

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Aug 2007 23:45:00 GMT

"'I can't believe you shared this.' Well you shouldn't have done it!"

559: Clean and Sober

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 18:15:00 GMT

"On bringing uh... uh... liquid refreshment: no liquor, no wine, no beer in any form."

558: The Price is Right

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"I see what you're doing, Keith. Don't do it."

557: Locked Up

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Jail did not tame you, and I like to see that!"

556: The Heat is On

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 01:45:00 GMT

"Why would I go into a situation where I'm kind of surprised I wasn't arrested?"

555: Eat My Class

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 13 Aug 2007 23:20:00 GMT

"And these people are watching you on your knees?"

554: Public Indecency

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 11 Aug 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"People don't understand my trials!"

553: Behavior Analysis

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 10 Aug 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Your marshmallow fat fuck is getting too big! Calm down!"

552: Eau de Whore

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 8 Aug 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"She's jerking you off with her shin?"

551: Talking to Strangers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 7 Aug 2007 21:30:00 GMT

"The maggots eat away the diseases and your penis."

550: Survivors

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 6 Aug 2007 18:45:00 GMT

"It's like Keith and I went to like a marriage counseling weekend."

549: Whore Etiquette

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 3 Aug 2007 19:20:00 GMT

"I'm not a whore, you bastard!"

548: Dumb Mouth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Aug 2007 21:30:00 GMT

"Ain't nobody in this room Voldemort. Own it."

547: Kill Yourself

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Aug 2007 02:30:00 GMT

"Alright this is it. Parked my car. I wish everyone who ever was nice to me well. See you in the next life."

546: Crazy Mike

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 31 Jul 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"Admit to yourself you're powerless."

545: Dead Zone

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 30 Jul 2007 22:30:00 GMT

"Doesn't everybody understand that Keith is sensitive?"

544: Team Drunk Ottawa

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"You just picture 'em walkin' around that whole country like dummies."

543: Manic-Depressive

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"Tyrone pissed in the bed last night."

542: The Simpsons Movie

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Aughh, I don't want that bony hug."

541: I'm Adorable

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 16:00:00 GMT

"Great news for members of PodShow."

540: Lateral Thinking

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I swear to God if I see you guys make out again..."

539: What Smart People Do

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 20 Jul 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"Everybody caught a case of ninth grade."

538: Pull Over

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"Rhian, did I kiss you?"

537: How Canada Cheated

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 18 Jul 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"Not a nicer fuckin' country."

Show 536: Live in Canada

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 01:00:00 GMT

KATG.com/live

535: Rellek in the City

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"Nobody was thinking about you, Keith Malley."

534: Rellek's Itinerary

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Jul 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"There's just nothing nice that come out of these fuckin' throats."

533: Rellek's Mom

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I wasn't walking around like an ape throwing shit, was I?"

532: Rellek at The Strip Club

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 9 Jul 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"Behave! Behave, Matthew!"

531: Rellek's Coming

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Jul 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"If I'm the classiest bitch of upstate New York then that's fuckin' sad."

530: Gas, Games and Glory

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Jul 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"Take out your dictionary, get your wine, and buttfuck each other."

529: The Itch

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Jul 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Pussy has an amazing way of changing your point of view."

528: Movie Monday

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Jul 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"You were gonna kill yourself if I didn't take you back. What was going through your head?"

527: Off to Market

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 30 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"You had me balls deep, but God forbid I touched your hair."

526: Hurt

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"Whatever she got is stronger than herpes."

525: Cages and Rats

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"'Suck my dick' means you may suck my dick at best."

524: Doing it to Yourself

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 27 Jun 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"I don't think anything is too far."

523: Potty Mouth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"This is a doublewide, baby."

522: Top Notch

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:00:00 GMT

"I'm having trouble hearing you ladies with all that bum dick in your mouth."

521: Working Stiffs

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"I don't know if you know this, but some women are C U Next TuesdayS."

520: Are You High?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"All that needs edited out."

519: Beg, Borrow, Steal

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 21:30:00 GMT

"I guess she can just hand us the money and then drop his pants."

518: Cruel Intentions

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 16 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Can I call out the bitch who fuckin' turned me in?"

517: Justice

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 15 Jun 2007 02:00:00 GMT

"You broke out the Keith Malley Asshole Tone."

516: Daddy & Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 17:00:00 GMT

"Dicks throw me. Constantly."

515: State of Emergency

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Is this the guy's way of sizing us up?"

514: Digging Deep

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 12 Jun 2007 02:00:00 GMT

"I can't help you. You did the Chicken Dance."

513: Cockfights

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 9 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"You lose if you're all Cranky Bitchy McBitch."

512: Out of the Vagina

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 8 Jun 2007 02:45:00 GMT

"Your ovaries will fall out your mouth."

511: Dookie Breath

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Jun 2007 01:30:00 GMT

"Well hurry up, I gotta rape you."

510: Make It Work

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Jun 2007 03:30:00 GMT

"You're goofy and stupid and you're not on my side ever because you're such a dummy dumb and you get high all the time."

509: Oh Sandi

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Jun 2007 01:30:00 GMT

"If you think it's cool to spread and encourage this wave of misogyny then best of luck to you."

508: Chemda Ruins Everything

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 2 Jun 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Please don't repeat this on the show."

507: Deep and Dumb

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 1 Jun 2007 01:30:00 GMT

"Don't escalate me. "

506: The PaleSkin and FreckleFace Show

Wed, 30 May 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"That's what you do when a Dee is right there."

505: Girls are Stupid

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 May 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"Can't wait for your spin-off show, Dummy."

504: Very Excited!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 26 May 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"When in doubt I reference my vagina."

503: Down to Earth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 May 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"'Where you goin'?' 'To fuck your friend. Good times and bad times...'"

502: Do You Love Me?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 May 2007 19:45:00 GMT

"Anyone who talks to me like that is getting talked to exactly the same way back. So prepare yourself if you want that to be our relationship."

501: The Gunner

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 May 2007 18:30:00 GMT

"Sex after anything cures it. Come on."

500: Then and Now

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 21 May 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"And if you don't like that, sir, you can eat out my inner asshole."

499: Rolling in the Dough

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 19 May 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I don't know these clowns."

498: Whats for Dinner?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 18 May 2007 02:00:00 GMT

"Lick my nuts; suck my deep fried balls."

497: Sweet Romance

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 May 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"Another podcast first?"

496: Uncensored

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 15 May 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"You're gonna be performing your face in a pillow."

495: Being the Adult

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 May 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"I'm supposed to be doing this stuff in private."

494: Big Meanie

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 May 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I get upset sometimes. I get upset sometimes..."

493: The Best Medicine

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 May 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"He screwed her up the stage; he screwed her down the stage."

492: Keep the Change

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 May 2007 19:00:00 GMT

"i was wondering if you would let me interview you two, its for a school project, it wont take long, ill just send you30-40 questions, and you'll send them back to me, with all the answers:D"

491: Troublemakers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 May 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"You walk around acting like I can fuck you. That's all you do."

490: The High Life

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 May 2007 03:30:00 GMT

"You've been Phone Snapped!"

489: Chemda Needs a Boyfriend

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 4 May 2007 16:00:00 GMT

"Chemda has what they call emotions."

488: Sicko

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 May 2007 16:00:00 GMT

"We got a special guest: Dumby Dunce that'll just sit here all day."

487: Da Bomb

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 May 2007 20:00:00 GMT

"Try to make money, and have a nice life. That's all I can tell you. We're all doomed."

486: HA HA!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 1 May 2007 18:00:00 GMT

"Don't give us shit. Make me earn shit."

BEGINNINGS 12: And You Must Carry On

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 04:00:00 GMT

69: The Girl On Vicodin (June 8 05) Keith creates a new robot-resistance movement. (7:30 to 9:00)

82: America We Stand As One (June 27 05) Interview with the great Dennis USA Madalone. (2:00 to 32:00)

83: USA All The Way (June 28 05) More HUAR news, including the MapQuest diversion theory. (15:15 to 17:45) Dennis Madalone redux and email responses. (2:00 to 8:45)

81: Earning Daddy's Approval (June 24 05) More robots in the news. Keep laughing, meat puppets. The Japanese and Hentai porn. (8:30 to 22:30) America We Stand As One by Dennis Madalone

BEGINNINGS 11: Platespotting

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 27 Apr 2007 04:00:00 GMT

81: Earning Daddy's Approval (June 24 05) Keith's dad and his many, oh, lets call them eccentricities. (22:30 to 45:00)

59: Fuck a Title Wednesday (May 25 05) International basketball, Ethiopian cuisine, and Keith helps an ex as she runs the marathon. (8:15 to 19:30)

67: Stupid Money (June 6 05) Keith works at an old age home. (35:00 to 50:00) Calling it In (June 1 05) Keith gets some underwear for Christmas (27:00 to 39:00, with edits)

48: Lying, Dying (May 10, 05) Parents and cussin'. (7:45 to 16:30)

80: Gaylordy Lordy (June 23 05) Chemda and Patrice share stories of past loves and/or abusers. Keith reminisces about his school days and his insult book. (BEGIN to 12:00)

BEGINNINGS 10: Games 'n Tings

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Apr 2007 04:00:00 GMT

74: The Greatest Generation (June 15 '05) Chemda does a clown job at a VA hospital barbecue. (BEGIN to 8:30)

52: Working From Home (May 16 '05) Keith witnesses a major confrontation at a kid's party and almost creams himself. (58:00 to 1:09:00)

66: Pain Is Good (June 3 '05) Chemda has to answer to a 10 year-old at her party. These little fuckin' bitches. (20:00 to 23:30)

54: Free Porn (May 18 '05) Chemda gets a post-party complaint, and the genesis of A-B porn is documented. (26:00 to 43:00)

57: Mommy & Me, DAMMIT! (May 23 '05) Keith, Curious George, a psychotic mom, and an assload of half-dead butterflies. (29:30 to 52:00)

BEGINNINGS 9: The Wonder Years, Only Stickier

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 04:00:00 GMT

76: How To F*** (June 17 '05) Chemda and her brother, Michael, regale each other with stories of innocence and beauty. Count the number of times Michael says "twat." (4:45 to 56:30)

56: voodoolulu (May 20 '05) Lulu's "masturbation odyssey." Frankly, she's way more talented than this. (12:30 to 28:45, 40:00 to 58:45)

Best Of 8: Tooth and Nail

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 04:00:00 GMT

71: Danny Yale's Mom is a Bad Parent (June 10 '05) - Chemda goes coo-coos McGoos over her food-packed gum-holes. (15:30 to 23:30)

72: Jackson Free, Ricans Jailed (June 13 '05) - Puerto Rican Day Parade blotter, more dental mirth, and mental dearth. (12:15 to 24:50)

78: Grooming: Not Just For Queers (June 21 '05) - A news story about a stabbing at Chuck E.'s leads into a discussion about man-grooming. Chemda recounts her recent root canal. (9:10 to 42:20)

79: When News Hits Home (June 22 '05) - Keith admits defeat at the hands of email, crime in the city, and the family dynamic in times of crisis. (34:15 to 56:00)

Best Of 7: Broads and a Quad

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 23 Apr 2007 04:00:00 GMT

49: DJ Quad (May 11 '05) - Prophetically, Keith injures his finger and learns what disability feels like. Then they talk to a real cripple. (BEGIN to 26:00)

58: Faking the Funk (May 24 '05) - Chemda and Keith lay into a podcast called "Israelisms" (surprisingly enough, still around) that think they, like others, can talk shit and still remain friendly. (15:00 to 28:00)

47: Fuck Paris Hilton (May 9 '05) - A brutal critique of the short-lived (thank Christ) Paris Podcast and, by association, the PodShow creeps who ate it up with painted-on grins. (BEGIN to 23:00)

65: What's in a Name (June 2 '05) - The seriosos dine with a pseudo-designer anger-fuck ex of Keith's, and the claws of Chemda are bared. Patrice details the delicacies of hooker-bookin'. (BEGIN to 16:00)

485: Who's the Pig?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Apr 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"This is from the New York City Police Department. And how do you know Keith?"

484: Blame Game

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Apr 2007 17:00:00 GMT

"Eat this you giant tree trunk piece of ass!"

483: Guns N' Roonies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 18 Apr 2007 02:30:00 GMT

"We would rather be addicted to the most powerful heroin than be fucked by this old motherfucker."

482: The Inner Circle

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 00:00:00 GMT

"I think Keith's first DVD broke up my relationship."

481: Oh Canada

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 14 Apr 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I've got a weapon in Central Park I gotta go pick up."

480: Rules to Forgiveness

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 13 Apr 2007 01:30:00 GMT

"Lick balls. Hope for the best."

479: The Pursuit of Nappiness

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 21:00:00 GMT

"I'm not racist. Look how dark my girlfriend's skin is."

478: Psychic Witch

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Apr 2007 00:15:00 GMT

"There is a divine blessing for brumski."

477: TeacHER

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 00:45:00 GMT

"A-no-no-no! A-no-no-no! Welcome to New York City, Keith!"

476: Social Intercourse

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Apr 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Actually your boobies are some of the nicest boobies I've ever seen."

475: When People are Assholes

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 6 Apr 2007 01:20:00 GMT

"Brumski's the new way we do business."

474: Josh The Jew

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Apr 2007 19:30:00 GMT

"That's what I did. That's what I did. I can live with that."

473: Seven and Counting

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Apr 2007 21:20:00 GMT

"Do you do that with people you fake don't like? We had something, you fake fuck!"

472: Debating Team

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 2 Apr 2007 18:45:00 GMT

"Deuce wants to have an old Israeli sit-down with me, and that concerns me."

471: David Says

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 31 Mar 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"You don't call a girl a faggot, Homo."

470: Not Kosher

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 30 Mar 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Keith and The Girl will get his penis. I guarantee it. I promise you."

469: Post-Traumatic Cryers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 Mar 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"Now are you on Keith and The Girl's side? Now are you? Ridiculous."

468: Waiting for the Payout

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 26 Mar 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"Pod-people don't play nice with each other."

467: Picture Perfect

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"I get to see the Keith and Chemda that a lot of people don't get to see. And it's lovely, don't get me wrong. But..."

466: Armchair Doctors

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:00:00 GMT

"War is delightful. Yeah, to those that haven't yet experienced it."

465: 2 Dump Minimum

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 20:15:00 GMT

"I'm not startin' a fight..."

464: Teaching Lessons

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 Mar 2007 03:59:00 GMT

"What a table of not nice people, including your wife, dude."

463: We're Done Talking

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 18 Mar 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"There's your fuckin' freedom of speech!"

462: Rooners

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 16 Mar 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Whoa whoa whoa. Now say that again in slower."

461: Psychology 101

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 14 Mar 2007 23:30:00 GMT

"Can you understand why people would be homophobic?

460: Gasp

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 07:13:00 GMT

"If you dare call my shit a monkeybox..."

459: Love & Poetry

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"I'll tell you what: I beat you, and I would like you to call in the show and just admit that I am very very smart."

458: Anatomy of a Nutsack

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 10 Mar 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"My penis is digital."

457: Marry Me!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 9 Mar 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"I'd like to kill myself and then get it back."

456: Two Years Down

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Mar 2007 04:00:00 GMT

"If you won the bajillion dollar lottery, would you still do the show?"

455: Faraway Fantasies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 Mar 2007 02:30:00 GMT

"I can't love you this much and you not give a fuck."

454: Busted!

Mon, 5 Mar 2007 22:30:00 GMT

"And don't you dare go, 'What's the big deal?' If you don't know, then you're a fuckin' idiot!"

453: Role-Playing Games

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 3 Mar 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"Liar, liar, liar with your pants on fire - always goin' back on your word."

452: Shut Your Face

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 2 Mar 2007 01:45:00 GMT

"There are no secrets. Only information you don't yet have."

451: Prove Me Wrong

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 Feb 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"Daily downloads of all their shows combined - all their shows combined at PodShow.com..."

Show 450: Live in Dallas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 25 Feb 2007 02:30:00 GMT

www.KATG.com/live

449: Trucker Keith

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 23 Feb 2007 03:15:00 GMT

"Secret notebooks and lies. Y'all got a good thing goin' here."

448: Chamsa

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"You have Brumski; I have Chamsa."

447: You're not Important

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 21 Feb 2007 02:30:00 GMT

"You're not that important. You're gonna be alive again tomorrow."

446: You Dropped Your Cane

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 16 Feb 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"Now go get your cane, Little Baby Faggot."

445: Work Ethnic

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 18:00:00 GMT

"I need Jesus to help me deal with you."

444: I Heart Orgasms

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 14 Feb 2007 19:30:00 GMT

"I'm not underage, but I'm a whore."

443: Proud to be an American

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Feb 2007 20:30:00 GMT

"I swoop on suckers like an eagle not a sparrow."

442: Spooky is a Hoohaa

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 12 Feb 2007 19:00:00 GMT

"No, balls smell good sometimes."

441: ur gr8

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"That's really gross. That's really the end of time."

440: We Be Playin'

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 9 Feb 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"I woulda really had the dick in the box. Who's gonna know?"

439: Pay the Way

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 Feb 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"Why can't I think of anything but eat shit?"

438: Thank You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Feb 2007 22:30:00 GMT

"Is any of this your problem? I'm just curious if that's your problem."

437: Dummy Gauge

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Feb 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"I don't wanna be in a foxhole with some bullshit knight."

436: Serious as a Heart Attack

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 3 Feb 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"Keith, just tell me what to do. I can't function."

435: Black History Y'all

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 2 Feb 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"You come from a long line of fucked up."

434: Sideline Ho

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 1 Feb 2007 02:30:00 GMT

"They wake up and piss their bed in your house? No. Sideline ho."

433: Sip, Rinse, Repeat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 Jan 2007 22:45:00 GMT

"That's a stupid point though, and you know that."

432: Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 29 Jan 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"This is what ethnics are like. They're just like, 'WAAAH!'"

431: Rubber Gloves

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 27 Jan 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"We do Internet stuff now."

430: The B-Word

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 23:45:00 GMT

"I don't have fuckin' time to keep you down. Who the fuck has time to keep your stupid-ass down?"

429: Picking Fights

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"It's all in your head. They take like a bucket of nothing and don't dump it on you."

428: Not Cool

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 Jan 2007 22:00:00 GMT

"I'll drink his cat piss for a good pleasant conversation."

427: Fam

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 22 Jan 2007 17:00:00 GMT

"I'll do anything now. I don't give a fuck if I get fired."

426: Nerd!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 20 Jan 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"And by the way nothin's real. I made all that up."

425: Publicity Good

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 21:30:00 GMT

"I eat your hate like love grenades."

424: Idiocracy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 Jan 2007 04:45:00 GMT

"It doesn't matter how cool of a chick you are; you don't need a show about your not boyfriend."

423: What Would You Do with Money

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 Jan 2007 23:00:00 GMT

"If you were my wife I'd divorce you for sayin' that!"

422: Good Try

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Patrice, have you had intercourse?"

421: Christian Finnegan

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 01:00:00 GMT

"I can't believe I'm here on such an important day."

420: Social Idiots

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 10 Jan 2007 03:00:00 GMT

"KeithandTheGirl.com/donate. We know what all of you did."

419: Tears or Tits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 9 Jan 2007 02:30:00 GMT

"No family supports any of that bullshit."

418: Dating Practices

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 6 Jan 2007 04:59:00 GMT

"...and my grandmother walked in and took the doll away."

417: Feel the Burn

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 5 Jan 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Keith wants to feel normal again. Quick, somebody admit it."

416: God Made This

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 4 Jan 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Life's a big lollipop to mechanics."

415: Recess Wrap-Up

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 Jan 2007 00:30:00 GMT

"Happy New Year, _______!"

Best Of 6: Clown and Out

Mon, 1 Jan 2007 05:00:00 GMT

Segment #1 March 16, 2005 - Episode 8: "Clowning Around" (approx. 00:24 to 25:00) With Andrea: The three swap clowning stories and set the stage for all working malcontents everywhere.

Segment #2 March 21, 2005 - Episode 11: "A Bad Day At Work" (approx. 01:18 to 22:15) Chemda does a clown job in Hell's tenement.

Segment #3 March 27, 2005 - Episode 16: "Easter Spectacular - Easter Bunny and The Gay Cruise" (approx. 33:20 to 54:00) K & C go on a gay cruise.

Segment #4 April 11, 2005 - Episode 27: "Then Stop Acting Like Your Stereotype" (approx. 3:50 to 21:25) Keith does a clown job for an Indian family and learns an important lesson about world culture and diversity. No, he doesn't. I'm just fucking with you.

Best Of 5: Breakin' the Law

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 29 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Segment #1 May 6, 2005 - Episode 46: "Shit Doesn't Freeze" (approx. 3:50 to 15:45) With Patrice: Yep, THAT story. Plus, the first KATG discussion of the scourge that is glitter.

Segment #2 April 27, 2005 - Episode 38: "Click Here, Mom!" (approx. 25:40 to 52:20) Chemda sneaks the parents' car out, Keith shoplifts, crashes into a fence, and tries insurance fraud. Keith tries his hand at deejaying, Chemda laments growing up female in a Jewish household, and more tales of juvenile delinquency.

Segment #3 April 15, 2005 - Episode 31: "Jingles All The Way" (approx. 23:40 to 34:40) Patrice and Chemda get arrested.

Segment #4 May 6, 2005 - Episode 46: "Shit Doesn't Freeze" (approx. 31:30 to 47:25) With Patrice: Lesbian experimentation, bachelorette parties, strippers, fucked-up party pranks, fightin' and what to do when the police come knocking.

Best Of 4: Crack is Fuckin' Awesome

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Segment #1 April 6, 2005 - Episode 24: "I'll Find You, John Petrie" (approx. 23:00 to 54:00) K & C swap roommate horror stories, including the now infamous Messrs. John DeForest Petrie and One-Eyed Davis. Great drug stories, too. The good old-fashioned rock, indeed.

Segment #2 April 7, 2005 - Episode 25: "The Relationship Hour" (approx. 21:50 to 44:32) How Keith met Davis, the paradigm shift of ex-roommates and ex-seriosi to "just friends," and more on the origins of our favorite podcasting couple.

Segment #3 April 21, 2005 - Episode 35: "Retard Rundown" (approx. 9:30 to 25:20) With Patrice: a gossip item about Natasha Lyonne leads into more fun with Ol' One-Eye, state-of-the art apartment trashing and the resulting legal woes, and Chemda & Patrice swap stories on their experiments with artificial joy.

Segment #4 April 25, 2005 - Episode 37: "School Up In Ya" (approx. 18:40 to 23:05) More fucking with Obi-Wan-Eye Davis.

Best Of 3: The Hole Truth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Segment #1 March 30, 2005 - Episode 19: "Baby's First Phone Call" (approx. 17:00 to 41:00) More on stand-up comics, bringer shows, contest scams, and more leading up to the taping of Keith's second CD, "Children's Party Songs."

Segment #2 April 4, 2005 - Episode 22: "Mitch Hedberg, Hippies and The Pope" (approx. 26:30 to 36:30) A meeting with Sal.

Segment #3 April 18, 2005 - Episode 32: "Ginny (Guinea?) My Clothes Already" (approx. 12:30 to 38:40) Post-taping wrap-up.

Best Of 2: Tragic/Comic

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Segment #1 April 11, 2005 - Episode 27: "Then Stop Acting Like Your Stereotype" (approx. 37:55 to 48:45) Surf Reality stories, the nature of drug-inspired performance art, Feminism, the ex-roommates of Chemda, and the desperate measures a comic can take to win back a crowd.

Segment #2 April 5, 2005 - Episode 23: "Pay Your Fuckin' Tab" (approx. begin to 19:45) Movie and dinner with a cheap friend of a friend. Dating tactics, group dining, and the awkward beginnings of K & C as a couple.

Segment #3 March 23, 2005 - Episode 13: "The Pat O'Brien Phone Sex Tapes" (approx. 16:30 to 29:00) Keith talks with Chemda about his approach to stand-up comedy, their disdain for "bringer" shows, and the drudgery that pursuing a successful career in comedy can lead to eventually.

Segment #4 April 20, 2005 - Episode 34: "Singers Wanted" (approx. 33:00 to 38:10) Trivia with Keet.

Segment #5 May 3, 2005 - Episode 43: "Ghetto Clue" (approx. 42:50 to 51:20) Keith on the state of comedy: D.L. Hughley, repeating jokes, going to comedy special tapings and warm-up comics.

Segment #6 April 28, 2005 - Episode 40: "Threats And Blessings" (approx. 25:45 to 27:30) Friend of a friend revisited with Patrice on back-up.

Best Of 1: God, Grudges and Goin' Blind

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 25 Dec 2006 05:00:00 GMT

Segment #1 March 27, 2005 - Episode 16: "Easter Spectacular and the Gay Cruise" (approx. 00:30 to 17:00) Discussion of Keith and Chemda's families, religious upbringings, and eventually breaking away from their respective faiths. They talk about their experiences with each other's houses of worship, and Keith recounts a relationship with a landlord/clergyman that gets a little too close for comfort.

Segment #2 April 8, 2005 - Episode 26: "Oy To The Vey" (approx. 26:20 to 35:00) Chemda avenges an injustice by calling an evil party entertainment agency under false pretenses. This leads into a large conversation about Jews and Jewish customs, Keith and Chemda's families, and the pressures of becoming an adult. They call Charlie and Jose to swap restaurant stories, which devolves into guy-talk: chicks and booze.

Segment #3 April 13, 2005 - Episode 29: "Documentary Do's and Don'ts" (approx. 16:20 to 24:15) Chemda walks in on Keith having some quality time, and they talk about masturbation.

Segment #4 April 8, 2005 - Episode 26: "Oy To The Vey" (approx. 56:00 to 1:04:00) Chemda calls Fun Factory again.

414: Awkward Silence is Golden

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Fuck you. And you know who you are."

413: Maxed Out - Patrice Drunk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"By the end it will just be Keith in a room. With a mic and a palm pilot."

412: Maxed Out - Patrice Sober

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 22 Dec 2006 04:58:00 GMT

"In 2007: Fuck everybody."

411: Nature vs. Nurture

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 23:30:00 GMT

"This missile brought to you by KATG.com and USAF AMMO."

410: Behave

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 20 Dec 2006 00:45:00 GMT

"You don't get to be the asshole 'cause you were born that way. We all get to be the asshole."

409: New Friend Request

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 18 Dec 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"How's that for a break?"

408: Circle of Quiet

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 16 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"'Cause they seem like a couple right now! Girls, are you with me?"

407: Native

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"God deliberately made us so that when sick shit happens to us when we're young we don't remember."

406: Spreading the Cheer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Hate 'em for being the equivalent of me breaking into your house and wiping a strange 12-foot dick across your neck."

405: Paying for the Drink

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 13 Dec 2006 03:00:00 GMT

"This is like Keepin' It Real Take 2."

404: Crazy Math

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 12 Dec 2006 02:30:00 GMT

"Whoa. A lot a fuckin' demands for bein' a heifer, honey."

403: You're the Adult

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 9 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"She perks up when she hears the phrase 'tits were workin''."

402: The Penis Show

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Dec 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"Then you can write it on your Taste Chart how that girl was."

401: Trash

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Me and every black rapper - are you kidding? You don't know us."

400: Still Here

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Dec 2006 02:30:00 GMT

"Still, I want them to know, it only takes an apology."

399: Autism Offends Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"There's no way to fuckin' win, old man!"

398: Birthdays and Breakups

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 2 Dec 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Happy birthday; let's break up as an experiment."

397: You're Outted

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"Just keep readin' your newspaper headlines. It's doin' ya fuckin' wonders."

396: What's so Funny

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Nov 2006 00:30:00 GMT

"It reminded me of the kind of stuff that 6 and 7-year-old boys tell each other in the bathroom."

395: WHORE!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Nov 2006 23:30:00 GMT

"You're weird. That is stupi-creepy."

394: Complete Ignorance

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"We all have to behave in a way that's better than what comes naturally to us."

393: Silly Geese

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 20:45:00 GMT

"Maybe you sign a waiver in case you hit somebody in the face."

392: Millionaires

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Disney isn't liquoring me up to get through this bullshit another day."

391: What Not to Say

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Nov 2006 18:30:00 GMT

"You're the one who asked, asshole!"

390: Financial Aid

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 18 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Who's not a priest now? You're welcome!"

389: Why Spooky Learned to Cook

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 17 Nov 2006 04:30:00 GMT

"Spooky Manifesto: he's lookin' for ladies."

388: Fart; burp!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 16 Nov 2006 03:30:00 GMT

"Anyway, thanks for your poo story."

387: Crushed

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"Everybody knows at this point I get killed."

386: Stop Drinking... NOT!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 13 Nov 2006 22:15:00 GMT

"Let's open up the air mattress and sleep under the kitchen table like the celebrities we are."

Show 385: Live in Boston

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 12 Nov 2006 02:00:00 GMT

www.KATG.com/live

384: Call Me!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Nov 2006 21:30:00 GMT

"Now it's premeditated. You will go to jail."

383: Gypsy King

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"They fuckin' ride horses and hit a dead goat's head around!"

382: Getting Over

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 8 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Oh you're one of them? Go fuck yourself!"

381: But Why did You Lie?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 6 Nov 2006 22:45:00 GMT

"That is sexy, when you were talkin' about in the car. I was just overwhelmed 'cause it was so hot."

380: Deuce's War

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 4 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Make fun! I'm the only one trying to make a difference!"

379: Media Madness

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 3 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"I was lookin' for a Teenage Girls Makin' Out, but wait a minute; I can use some tubing."

378: Your Wife and Kids

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Nov 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"A good wife always knows her place."

377: No Candy Here

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 18:00:00 GMT

"Whatever damage BET didn't get done..."

376: Pop Music Good

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 31 Oct 2006 01:30:00 GMT

"This is the soundtrack to the inside of a stroke or a coma. This is what goes on in your head."

375: Antsy McPantsy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I decided to take my life a different route."

374: Taking Kids Out

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 20:30:00 GMT

"Sounds like somebody slept with the wrong person."

373: Law & Order

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Oct 2006 03:00:00 GMT

"Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to this."

372: Your Parents are Right

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Oct 2006 00:45:00 GMT

"Good morning. You're dumb!"

371: Being "Nice"

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 23 Oct 2006 22:00:00 GMT

"Do you think I'm not gonna mind prison? I fuck dogs!"

370: Baby's First Tattoo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Oct 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"We'd appreciate it, ladies, if you tickled these twos guys' balls as you were doin' it."

369: Jerkin' to It

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 21:30:00 GMT

"That's how Keith has sex. See that, kids?"

368: Bobcat Goldthwait

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Oct 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"We shoulda kissed your ass a little more."

367: Reverse Advertising

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 23:30:00 GMT

"You start at the face, and then you negotiate."

366: Business Etiquette

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Oct 2006 03:00:00 GMT

"...with a joker smile and hot smelly-ass balls slapping against my body repeatedly."

365: Lowest Man on the Totem Pole

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 14 Oct 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Fuck you, I quit!"

364: Tears for Queers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 02:00:00 GMT

"TheSimpsonsMovie.com"

363: Balls for President

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 01:00:00 GMT

"Now I want to freeze your finish to see what the fuck it tastes like."

362: Paper Towel Ninjas

info@keithandthegirl.com — Tue, 10 Oct 2006 23:30:00 GMT

"Did you invite me out to not have a good time?"

361: Peer Pressure

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Oct 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"What the fuck, dude? That is gay. Of course your wife left you. That is stupid."

360: Hulk Mode

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Oct 2006 21:00:00 GMT

"Patrice is crazy bad-ass tonight. I'm gonna have nightmares."

359: All the Answers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Oct 2006 00:00:00 GMT

"It is fuckin' torture to have shit in my brain that I can't share. I gotta fuckin' spill out every mother-fuckin' thing."

358: Wakka Wakka

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Oct 2006 23:45:00 GMT

"You were so fat! What happened? You were so fat!"

357: It's Personal

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 3 Oct 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"He's gonna do whatever I say."

356: The Brolo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 29 Sep 2006 21:30:00 GMT

"Why are you such a dick?"

355: T.M.I.

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"He knows he's the coolest, rockinest dude in town!"

Show 354: Live in L.A.

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 28 Sep 2006 02:30:00 GMT

www.KATG.com/live

353: Calm Down

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 26 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Oh my God. What the fuck? Your face changed!"

352: Jackasses

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 23 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"AKA I loved it, and I busted three nuts."

351: Fuckin' Superficial

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 22 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Spooky, did you hear yesterday's show? You can do whatever you want, dammit. You're an adult."

350: I Do What I Want.

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 21 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"We better stick together 'cause we're both fuckin' nuts."

349: Podcasting = MONEY!!!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 19 Sep 2006 23:00:00 GMT

"Damn, Keith, I already stomped on mine!"

348: In The Party

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 18 Sep 2006 23:30:00 GMT

"Black People: Do you love Cheez-Itz?"

347: A Simpler Time

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 17:00:00 GMT

"Do you have life insurance on Keith? I think he's about to have an aneurysm."

346: AIDS Angel

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 20:30:00 GMT

"It's 50 First Dates of your boy dyin'."

345: The Rules

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

"Why are you talking? What are you responding to? My question is not done yet!"

344: Blind Date and Overweight

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 23:00:00 GMT

"Would you just end this relationship now? Are you kidding me?"

343: Volunteering

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 22:00:00 GMT

"I've made a few queers in my day."

342: Babysitting

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 9 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"12-year-olds. That's where the money's at."

341: Baby's First Abortion

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 8 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

"Don't nobody know nothin'."

340: Look Who's Talking

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Sep 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"Why you taking it so seriously?"

339: Knock First

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 6 Sep 2006 00:00:00 GMT

"I do The Triple Finger. I do three fingers."

338: Year of the Faggot

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 2 Sep 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"What's goin' on, Pubeless Cock n' ballz?"

337: Inspire!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 19:15:00 GMT

"Live free or die."

336: Do Not Pass Go

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 31 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Take the pie. All the pie you can get."

335: Working for a Living

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 03:30:00 GMT

"Sorry, we smoked all $40."

334: For Richer or Poorer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 22:30:00 GMT

"She didn't get fingered; she got eaten out. I remember Chemda said she came in like two minutes."

333: For the Children

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 26 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"It's a 30-minute drive to the airport, but at least we've got cum guzzling to talk about."

332: Blue Collar Honesty

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 23:30:00 GMT

"If you believe in God, admit that He likes jokes."

331: Next Question

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 13:45:00 GMT

"You guys play softball, don't you? You just come out and say what you feel. We call this show: I Hate This Guy."

330: The 42-Hour Podcast

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 22 Aug 2006 03:45:00 GMT

"I can prove my record, Ricky Gervais!"

329: Homewrecker

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 19 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"No, I don't wanna be in your football thing! Now it's weird, isn't it? Now I'm the asshole!"

328: Gross Out

Info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 18:45:00 GMT

"I'm not the one handing out candy in a shit factory!"

327: Dummies and Their Dumb Shit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Aug 2006 02:00:00 GMT

"I bet you're not reading this."

326: Chavs are Bollocks, Innit?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 02:15:00 GMT

"When you need to urinate, do it in this or you will die."

325: This is My Job

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Aug 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"But I haven't punched anybody in the face while they were sleeping, either. You've done a lot of things nobody else has done."

324: The Love of a Parent

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Cadet, you got a lot of balls to say such filth to me. And yes I have my shirt."

323: The Signs are Showing

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:30:00 GMT

"Look how he judges me so harsh."

322: 4 of Clubs

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 Aug 2006 03:30:00 GMT

"Stare at him. Stare at him. Don't help him. Why do you guys help these people out?"

321: Search This

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Aug 2006 12:00:00 GMT

"Each hour-long episode is podcast from New York and punctuated with several spit-semen-through-your-nose moments of hilarity."

320: Use a Condom

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 7 Aug 2006 22:15:00 GMT

"I'm aborting the baby."

319: Two and a Half Apologies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 5 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"You're being used, and you know it. That's the saddest thing. You know it."

318: Lost in Translation

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 4 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"What's a gayfer?"

317: The Jay Thomas Interview

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"You're a goddamn podcast for 15 fuckin' minutes and you come on tellin' me what to do after 30 years of nonstop fuckin' whatever nonstop I been doin'!"

316: Sweet PotatoE

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 2 Aug 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Effing Jews."

315: Dopey Relationships

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 1 Aug 2006 02:50:00 GMT

"Today Bush addressed the NAACP and gave a speech to an entire audience of black people. At least that's what I'm told. I don't see color."

314: Fancy Pants

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Lemme tell you something Adam Curry: You better tell your boy to shut the fuck up. 'Cause he's making you guys look ridiculous."

313: Too Little, Too Late

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Will you stop interrupting me? It drives me crazy when I listen to the show and I hear you interrupt me. Left and fucking right!"

312: In Heat

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I have never been so utterly blown away by the sad state of affairs when it comes to podcasters' RSS feeds."

311: Assed Out

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I just do it on Suck a Dick Wednesday. Bye!"

310: Leaving Las Vegas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 21 Jul 2006 19:16:00 GMT

"America loves shit."

309: Viva Las Vegas

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"And I liked that. 'Cause you don't get that in Jersey."

308: What Happens in Vegas?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 17 Jul 2006 21:15:00 GMT

"Can you get premature ejaculation insurance for an extra $50?"

307: Death Dealers

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 15 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"You said you don't care about my country... Now you're saying fuck my grandfather..."

306: Represent!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Jul 2006 22:07:00 GMT

"Are you having a Keith Klux Klan moment?"

305: Keeping a Secret

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Jul 2006 14:00:00 GMT

"If someone was touching you like that you would never date them."

304: Mic Check

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 10 Jul 2006 21:00:00 GMT

"I'm trying to find closure!"

303: Uncle Miltie

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 8 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I sat in my own shit for 45 minutes. It's so good!"

302: Father Malley

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Jul 2006 20:30:00 GMT

"We don't need to tell them about the leprechauns. That can be our story."

301: Beat the Band

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Jul 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Somerset, Pennsylvania: You anger me!"

300: LIVE AUDIENCE!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 1 Jul 2006 02:00:00 GMT

www.KATG.com/300

299: Burger Lickin'

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 30 Jun 2006 01:45:00 GMT

"Look at the anger in her face. Look at Keith like that."

298: Complaining About Nothing

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 20:43:00 GMT

"You're not ready for the advanced course, baby. That's all."

297: Bad Advice

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"We wanted to thank you for helping us find the solution to a particularly frustrating issue. Smiley face."

296: Advanced Racism

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 19:45:00 GMT

"Why in God's name wouldn't you respond to those e-mails?"

295: Socially Disconnected

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 25 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Don't be sorry, baby, be you!"

294: Direction

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 23 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I have a nervous tick. I jerk off at kids' parties."

293: Glitter and Shit

Wed, 21 Jun 2006 05:45:00 GMT

"What the fuck are you laughin' at? You do this! News flash: That's what you do."

292: Bathroom Humor

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 22:59:00 GMT

"I am too small of a man to look into the great mind of Brother Love."

291: Driven

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 20 Jun 2006 02:00:00 GMT

"I hate that women use that as a weapon."

290: Making Girls Cry

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I've heard or seen you do some evil shit. I would never wanna be on your bad side."

289: The Finer Things

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 16 Jun 2006 01:00:00 GMT

"New York: Tag. You're it."

288: Brad's Awesome Letter

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 14 Jun 2006 23:34:00 GMT

"Nobody's allowed to ding this 'cause Brad needs his fuckin' letter told."

287: Wasted Youth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 21:00:00 GMT

"When that epiphany happens then uh... just give us a call back..."

286: Too Many Choices

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 13 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Everything, I think, is a test."

285: Love Meter

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"The shock, awe and horror on the faces of the audience..."

284: Spawn

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 9 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Seriously though, nobody tell Satan."

283: Committed

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"You were probably drawing with your vagina blood."

282: Animal Farm

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"NOOO! NO, I'M NOT UNDER A LOT OF STRESS!"

281: What'd I do Now?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 6 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Everyone's starting to be a little weird."

280: New York State of Mind

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 3 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"He's wasting 15-year-old piss in a jar?"

279: How to Conduct an Interview

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 2 Jun 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Seriously though, fuckin' reading books... If I can edit my book without reading it somehow, I would do it."

278: Handicap or Super Power?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 31 May 2006 22:16:00 GMT

"We see everything scumbags do!"

277: Lesson Learned

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 30 May 2006 17:03:00 GMT

"It's a thing chicks do. They don't know where they're at."

276: Corsages and Coconuts

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 27 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"That's just for girls to go in there and jerk off to."

275: Dear Police

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 26 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"We are, honestly, I believe, the only radio station that would entertain a conversation like that."

274: Age Appropriate

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 25 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"The innocence of a child..."

273: I Said it's a Date!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 24 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"DO THAT! DO THAT! DO ME THE FAVOR AND SAY THAT AGAIN!"

272: Great Attitude

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 23 May 2006 00:39:00 GMT

"I understand what is appropriate and what isn't."

271: Family Matters

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 20 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"When you pee, now of course it stings, it hurts a little bit, maybe it lasts five minutes."

270: Bit by Bit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 19 May 2006 01:36:00 GMT

"Why you quizzin' me? I don't know."

269: Special Victims Unit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 18 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"If you have an Asian loved one; Chinese, Japanese, or those other ones..."

268: Trust No One

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 17 May 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"You got good ears for hate."

267: Culture

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 16 May 2006 00:19:00 GMT

"I guess you consider that comedy."

266: Drunk and High

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 15 May 2006 17:12:00 GMT

"As soon as you left, I was thinkin' of all the possibilities."

265: American Camaraderie

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 6 May 2006 01:46:00 GMT

"How do we like France today?"

264: MythSupporters

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 5 May 2006 01:06:00 GMT

"I got out how to help child molesters. My work is done."

263: Cheaters

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 3 May 2006 01:22:00 GMT

"Whoever is the best fucker gets to make the most money."

262: Magic and Manipulation

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 28 Apr 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"I like any story that starts with 'ass' and ends with 'fists'."

261: Airplane Jokes

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Apr 2006 22:17:00 GMT

"You just read that it said not to do that!"

KATG Fan Shows

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Apr 2006 00:07:00 GMT

"I think I've explored the limits of my sexuality."

260: The Big Time

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 20:13:00 GMT

"I'm gonna be in the movies."

259: Dirty Little Secret

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Apr 2006 02:08:00 GMT

"You're right, I'm sorry, and help me."

258: Attitude Adjustment

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 14 Apr 2006 01:09:00 GMT

"'Why your hands orange?' ''Cause I'm happy.'"

257: Driving Me Crazy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 13 Apr 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"How do you sleep tonight, Ticket Giver? Huh? Is that what your family thought you'd be doing, Ticket Giver?"

256: Service with a Smile

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 11 Apr 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not good at juggling balls. Chainsaws? Very good."

255: Defecation of Character

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 8 Apr 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"You know what bothers me about gays? They ruined the word 'faggot'."

254: Fast and Furious

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Apr 2006 21:13:00 GMT

"They're all gonna choke you when you get there."

253: Chuuch

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 6 Apr 2006 00:00:00 GMT

"The only thing I like better than doin' a crossword is just stompin' on some faggot's balls."

252: Fight! Fight!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Apr 2006 00:09:00 GMT

"Call me a cunt. Put it in my ass. I'm a slut."

251: Mad with Power

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 4 Apr 2006 02:01:00 GMT

"Whether I misunderstood you or not, we're gonna send you a warning."

250: Glitter Tits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 1 Apr 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"I'm your guest! Treat me nice!"

249: Talk of the Town

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 07:08:00 GMT

"I was peeing blood. And not just reddish-color. I mean actual blood."

248: Little Black Lies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 29 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"I'm ready to close that right on your bug eyes."

247: The PodShow Contract

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 02:43:00 GMT

"Give it over to the daddy. Daddy will know what to do better than you."

246: Old School

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 25 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Suck your own monster cock since it's so gigantic."

245: Punch Him in the Face

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 23 Mar 2006 23:40:00 GMT

"So then you lied to us, didn't you, you little cunt bitch?"

244: School of Comedy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 22:00:00 GMT

"She has to remind me that I need clothes."

243: Call Bullshit

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"And I'm totally opposed to this 'cause it's so wrong..."

242: Spoiler

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 21 Mar 2006 00:20:00 GMT

"If his mother catches him, we're goin' to jail."

241: Too Much Information

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 18 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"I gave Balls a couple naked pictures of Hari."

240: ATTN Asian Bankers: Disregard

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 23:28:00 GMT

"Keith, your cock was cheated."

239: What's the Deal With

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 16 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"The day after that I bought a butt plug."

238: Missing the Joke

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 22:50:00 GMT

"Don't make me laugh at this."

237: Kid Touchin'

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 08:27:00 GMT

"They're ruinin' my good name."

236: Baby's First Webcam

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 11 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Today is a very special night. It's a magical night."

235: Rhythm Nation

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Mar 2006 22:51:00 GMT

"You shouldn't put that much technology in your vagina."

234: Abort! Abort!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Mar 2006 01:53:00 GMT

"You can open it up and you got a dick in your face, absolutely."

233: One Year Down

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 8 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"I'm not Muslim, but I'm on their side."

232: A River in Egypt

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 4 Mar 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Big gay balls to you."

231: Patrice is Drunk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 2 Mar 2006 23:50:00 GMT

"This tastes like I got a cut on my knee."

230: Gays are People Now

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 1 Mar 2006 21:28:00 GMT

"The ignorance astounds me."

229: BitchFace

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 19:17:00 GMT

"I'll make them be gay. I'm just tryin' to pee."

228: Crime and Punishment

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 04:30:00 GMT

"If we can redo the laws: Kill him."

227: For the Love of Money

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"They all know their place."

226: Keep it to Yourself

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 24 Feb 2006 00:50:00 GMT

"I can't believe I get that look from you."

225: Let's Make a Deal

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 22 Feb 2006 22:34:00 GMT

"Sandra, it is Suck a Dick Wednesday. I'ma see ya tonight. What are we gonna do?"

224: About Your Girl

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 20 Feb 2006 22:00:00 GMT

"Don't fuckin' embarrass me like that."

223: Pick a Side

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 18 Feb 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"You guys don't have viruses because nobody fuckin' cares about you."

222: Coupling

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 17 Feb 2006 03:51:00 GMT

"Jesus is my sober. Fuck you!"

221: 3-Beer Queer

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 16 Feb 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"You know what I'm doing. Is this funny? This is - this is funny. You know what I'm doin'! You know I'm doin' everythin' right!"

220: Not for You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 15 Feb 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"Get away from the door, niggaaa."

219: Apple Butter

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 13 Feb 2006 20:47:00 GMT

"I can't try harder 'cause there's something in my crotch."

218: Cool

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"I was about to say, 'DEUCE DEUCE', but are we saying that anymore?"

217: Don't Sleep

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Feb 2006 23:12:00 GMT

"I'm fancy as fuck."

216: After the Screening

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 9 Feb 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"The Fag Community got us again."

215: Letters to the Editors

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 7 Feb 2006 02:40:00 GMT

"Thank you for your quality letter, Sick Fuck."

214: Women for President

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 3 Feb 2006 01:11:00 GMT

"I'll tell you what: Somebody will owe somebody an apology tomorrow."

213: Friends?

info@KeithandTheGirl — Thu, 2 Feb 2006 03:59:00 GMT

"Does your girlfriend ever do that, guys?"

212: Mating Rituals

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 30 Jan 2006 23:52:00 GMT

"You know you're just my friend. Right?"

211: Happy Slapping

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 28 Jan 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"This whole world doesn't make sense! I gave Keith beer!"

210: Gangsta Do's and Don't's

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 21:09:00 GMT

"I can calm down, and I can get my crazy in order."

209: Deconstructing Spooky

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 03:30:00 GMT

"Save it for the show."

208: Constructive Criticism

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 03:37:00 GMT

"Why am I even thinkin' about this? Fuck you!"

207: Titties for God

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 21 Jan 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"And the dick looks surprisingly like your dick."

206: Criminal Minds

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 20 Jan 2006 00:26:00 GMT

"The first killing is always awkward."

205: Stereotyping

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 19 Jan 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"I need the sick stuff."

204: Boycott AOL

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 17 Jan 2006 23:18:00 GMT

"This is what your kids are watching, by the way."

203: City Mouse Country Mouse

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 14 Jan 2006 04:59:00 GMT

"It's not my fault, but it definitely wasn't right."

202: Caveat Emptor

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 12 Jan 2006 18:17:00 GMT

"Fattest Nation in the World say, 'What?'"

201: Couples Therapy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 20:22:00 GMT

"Who you callin' boyfriend? We're not fuckin'."

200: Cock Mouth

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 11 Jan 2006 01:18:00 GMT

"Cock blood does taste the worst."

199: Kicking and Screaming

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 10 Jan 2006 00:30:00 GMT

"Oh, we got another cripple! I'll take it..."

198: WKTG

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 7 Jan 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"I devote entire days to blowing you. Wednesday. Heard of it much?"

197: Mission Accomplished

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 6 Jan 2006 04:00:00 GMT

"Good mornin', everybody. We're drinkin' at Malley's Neighborhood Pub."

196: Revenge

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 5 Jan 2006 02:06:00 GMT

"Please stop saying stuff like this! Please! Do you see the record button is on?"

195: Tattletales

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 4 Jan 2006 02:15:00 GMT

"I seriously think I might shit my pants this episode."

194: The Desires of Desire

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 Dec 2005 23:56:00 GMT

"Deuce is out; Spooky's in."

193: Spooky Visits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 02:07:00 GMT

"All of a sudden the ATF makes sense."

192: Cinnamon Bread

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 18:02:00 GMT

"Do you know what dead mouse smells like?"

191: So Sue Me

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 22 Dec 2005 23:17:00 GMT

"You fuckin' bitch. Don't even mention that. Don't even say that."

190: Sexual Content

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 21 Dec 2005 01:58:00 GMT

"Stick somethin' in your asshole. Who's gonna know?"

189: Three's Company

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 19 Dec 2005 20:42:00 GMT

"So, 1 to 10: How gay are you?"

188: Encore

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sun, 18 Dec 2005 00:52:00 GMT

"Oh my God. I didn't know you people really looked like that."

187: Keith and Patrice

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 15 Dec 2005 19:27:00 GMT

"We gave bandanas to all the Indians when we gave them AIDS."

186: Love Letters

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 12 Dec 2005 06:00:00 GMT

"I'm Douchebag Wiggle."

185: I Have a Bomb

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Dec 2005 23:17:00 GMT

"What the fuck show you listenin' to?"

184: How to Build a Resume

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 7 Dec 2005 20:47:00 GMT

"If somebody can do it, chances are I can do it."

183: Business Solutions

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 2 Dec 2005 02:08:00 GMT

"Nobody knows you better than you."

182: Friendly Skies

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 1 Dec 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"When did we become homeless?"

181: Finish Her!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 07:00:00 GMT

"I can't even explain it. You'll see. You'll see..."

180: Idiot Box

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 29 Nov 2005 02:42:00 GMT

"Good to talk to you before we all die."

179: Fuck the Family Friday

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 26 Nov 2005 04:00:00 GMT

"Crazy. White. People."

178: Find Keith a Job

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 24 Nov 2005 02:25:00 GMT

"All of this. Everything I see in this building is my skill."

177: It's Not Me, It's You

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 23 Nov 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"If you're Batman or you're trying to get blowjobs, you can wear those shirts."

176: Apology Accepted

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 21 Nov 2005 23:24:00 GMT

"Apologies don't last forever, Honey. You got your fuckin' apology."

175: How to Kill Your Baby

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 21:15:00 GMT

"Don't make babies with scalawags."

174: Smell the Roses

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 03:09:00 GMT

"That's the thing with lesbians; they got so much goin' for 'em, but they don't fuck dudes."

173: Free Booze

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 16 Nov 2005 00:32:00 GMT

"Well the robot didn't show up. We're not at Stage 3 of HUAR yet."

172: The Michael Carrino Interview

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 23:00:00 GMT

"Hey all you assholes, come and listen to us. It's the Keith and The Girl show."

171: Rockstar

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 12 Nov 2005 01:40:00 GMT

âIn come the real-titted, girls, you know? Itâs like we got the lunch bitches.â?

170: In The Barrio

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 10 Nov 2005 20:36:00 GMT

"It only takes one misunderstanding."

169: Nice to Know Ya, California

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 9 Nov 2005 23:49:00 GMT

"I'm lookin' for two stick figures. One of 'em's always drinkin' I guess."

168: Venus and My Cock

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 8 Nov 2005 02:57:00 GMT

"You know you really have to work hard, and you have to give 'em UH! UH! UH!"

167: Movin' On Up

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 5 Nov 2005 04:00:00 GMT

"No-no, I think you can be a normal person. No-no, let's keep tryin'."

166: Greg Giraldo

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Nov 2005 20:32:00 GMT

"You were just saying 'what an asshole' so Stephanie can pee in her pants."

165: The Girl, M.D.

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 3 Nov 2005 01:10:00 GMT

"That wasn't the bet! The bet was: Can I drink on antibiotics? And I won!"

164: Lo Ya-fe

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 1 Nov 2005 19:37:00 GMT

"So what's your problem with me, Chief?"

163: $$$

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 29 Oct 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"I don't understand why it doesn't smell like shit and piss. '311?'"

162: Keith on Vicodin

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 27 Oct 2005 22:56:00 GMT

"If I were a doctor, I might go in and scalpel some bullshit."

161: Where is Thumbkin?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 26 Oct 2005 01:00:00 GMT

"Why don't you just take out your balls? 'Where is Bally?' 'Here I am.'"

160: Adam Visits

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Sat, 22 Oct 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"I quickly get rid of it 'cause I feel like the government's on the other end."

159: Suck My Halloweenie

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 22:12:00 GMT

"I couldn't think of a phrase or something that would be on Wheel of Fortune that doesn't have a curse word in it."

158: Friendly Ribbing

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 20 Oct 2005 01:12:00 GMT

"Easy, Dane Cook. You're still pretty."

157: Jani Lane

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 19 Oct 2005 01:06:00 GMT

"Good for you you got fat."

156: Relationship Lesson #47

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 18 Oct 2005 00:13:00 GMT

"You're tryin' to say 'I love you' in a nice fuckin' way!"

155: Who Knows What

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 22:00:00 GMT

"The human body will shake, so you're gonna need a tripod."

154: Days Gone By

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 14 Oct 2005 00:43:00 GMT

"How many times do I have to lie to you? Once!"

153: Fuck Dane Cook

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 12 Oct 2005 23:34:00 GMT

"If the husband doesn't get home in time, there's gonna be a quickie."

152: Your Child's a Pussy

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 22:38:00 GMT

"I know those little sensitive kids can't kick my ass. That is the difference."

151: Dental DAMN!

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 7 Oct 2005 22:00:00 GMT

"My vagina hurts as you're saying this."

150: Gay Nigga

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 7 Oct 2005 00:21:00 GMT

"And really, me saying nigger is wrong; 'cause when I think it, I mean it. I don't mean it with a 'a', I mean it with a 'e-r'."

149: Want Some Candy?

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Oct 2005 23:16:00 GMT

"How'd ya know? I was on cocaine. I forgot to mention that."

148: Say You're Sorry

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Wed, 5 Oct 2005 00:39:00 GMT

"She loves to slice wrists. You would think she's perfect."

147: Learning Curve

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Mon, 3 Oct 2005 21:32:00 GMT

"Crawling under barbed wire through mud: Looks cool; not really fun."

146: Phone Jerk

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Fri, 30 Sep 2005 22:00:00 GMT

"You are listening right now! You have herpes! I know it!"

145: Doug Stanhope

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 07:29:00 GMT

"I can't make up my mind about Dane Cook. So my question is: 'Doug Stanhope; do we like Dane Cook?'"

144: Keith and The Girl's Dad

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 29 Sep 2005 02:22:00 GMT

"So that's 40 percent of the people thought I was an asshole."

143: The Porn Shop

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 28 Sep 2005 01:10:00 GMT

"You can run back with your dick in your hand and press 'ALL IN'."

142: Poker and DICE!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 23 Sep 2005 22:00:00 GMT

"Thank you for making me understand the definition of beauty."

141: Old Farts, New Smells

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 22 Sep 2005 21:49:00 GMT

"I bet you still gotta use bigger and bigger vibrators until finally you need a jackhammer."

140: Satan Sucks

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 21 Sep 2005 18:22:00 GMT

"I just decided it was bullshit and washed it out of my brain."

139: Who's Sicker?

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 19 Sep 2005 18:31:00 GMT

"1 in 4 Africans has AIDS. And there's 5 of them in the tent."

138: WAAAH!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 17 Sep 2005 00:00:00 GMT

"Why aren't you drinkin'?"

137: Keith, Interrupted

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 15 Sep 2005 21:04:00 GMT

"We're broken up. Unless you guys write enough so that we should care."

136: Liam McEneaney

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 14 Sep 2005 18:29:00 GMT

"This is the biggest fuckin' thing, these iPods."

135: Behind the Scenes

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 13 Sep 2005 14:22:00 GMT

"If we can't kill people for being weirdos, then we have to help them!"

134: The Girl on PMS

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 12 Sep 2005 21:22:00 GMT

"Hunt 'em fast; kill 'em slow."

133: Get Mad. Get Even.

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 9 Sep 2005 21:00:00 GMT

"Our fans may be good-looking; they're not the best storytellers."

132: Tax Deductible

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 8 Sep 2005 23:09:00 GMT

"I look at Abraham Lincoln in a picture or somethin', first thing I think of is that he's black."

131: Jerk This

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 8 Sep 2005 02:30:00 GMT

"This Friday, for the poker game, we're letting in gay people."

130: Farts and Branks

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 7 Sep 2005 02:30:00 GMT

"I'd like a fuckin' wraparound couch, dickhead."

129: Poconos

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 5 Sep 2005 19:22:00 GMT

"The big entertainment of the whole thing: Comedy Hypnosis Show."

128: Stop the Insanity!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 2 Sep 2005 16:00:00 GMT

"Hey you're on Keith and The Girl. How much do you weigh?"

127: Baby Sleepy Boo Boo

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 2 Sep 2005 00:01:00 GMT

"If you pay your taxes and be-the-fuck-have, you may stay."

126: Sins of the World

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 23:00:00 GMT

"You're pulling on it! I'm not wearing some kinda new sexy pants, but I gotta keep pulling on my dick!"

125: What do Blacks Want?

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 30 Aug 2005 21:00:00 GMT

"That's offensive to balls!"

124: Musically Declined

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 29 Aug 2005 20:39:00 GMT

"I always walk behind you and go, 'That was a joke. And he's just funny.'"

123: The Early Show

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 26 Aug 2005 16:00:00 GMT

"Who gets up this early? Honestly."

122: Apologies All Around

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 20:09:00 GMT

"Dice is an Angel of God."

121: Not for Sale

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 25 Aug 2005 00:33:00 GMT

"Abracadabra; all that shit."

120: Fire-Breathing Assholes

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 23 Aug 2005 19:27:00 GMT

"That is not our policy to call you a bitch dog."

119: Click Here, Kane!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 22 Aug 2005 22:59:00 GMT

"If it's more than five dollars, it's pretentious."

118: Public Enemy #1

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 20 Aug 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"How do we get gotten on such a dumb fuckin' thing?"

117: Walken 2008

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 19 Aug 2005 00:30:00 GMT

"Go 'head, Keith. Get your balls back."

116: Duck, Duck, Uh-Oh!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 20:56:00 GMT

"Why would they want, Andrea? That is correct. Why would they want? How could that help us in any way? It can't! It can't help us in any way!"

115: Parental Advisory

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 17 Aug 2005 02:50:00 GMT

"Remember when you snooped through their shit? Well, they're snoopin' through your shit! Hide the sex toys!"

114: State of the Show Address

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 15 Aug 2005 19:48:00 GMT

"If you're gonna lose your house to some game: FullTiltPoker.com."

113: SECRET LIVE SHOW

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 12 Aug 2005 21:00:00 GMT

Shoulda been there.

112: Animals

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 20:13:00 GMT

"I have simulated herpes."

111: Baby's First Blow Job

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 10 Aug 2005 19:01:00 GMT

"Old enough that I should've said, 'Stop pulling my dick.'"

110: Technical Difficulties

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 9 Aug 2005 21:16:00 GMT

"I wish we could say more. I can't wait until the day when we go, 'You know what? We don't need friends.' That is gonna be a good show."

109: In Our Defense

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 6 Aug 2005 03:30:00 GMT

"Oh that's so funny that you mentioned it cause it's the first time that I brought beer and that's when we mentioned it."

108: Find Patrice a Job

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 4 Aug 2005 19:54:00 GMT

"When I do post, I type it in Notepad first so I don't click 'send' by accident and get my ass handed to me."

107: Suck a Dick Wednesday

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 4 Aug 2005 01:00:00 GMT

"So what about me? Lick a Twat Tuesday."

106: Dan Klass is an Addict

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 2 Aug 2005 22:27:00 GMT

"God sounds like Fat Jani Lane."

105: Hatin'

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 1 Aug 2005 18:11:00 GMT

"Speaking of drugs, this is part of Clown Monday..."

104: Cock and Balls

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 29 Jul 2005 18:14:00 GMT

"Mark, you have the biggest balls..."

103: Great Adventure

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 28 Jul 2005 23:28:00 GMT

"Can't one person shake me, the other person yell BOO!, and then take a hundred dollars? Then I have the rest of my day free."

102: The Aftermath

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 03:59:00 GMT

"I will probably not listen to your show again - DAMMIT! - based on your ignorance and insensitivity regarding BLANK."

101: The Past will Haunt You

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 25 Jul 2005 18:30:00 GMT

"I'm being sabotaged at home."

100: KATG LIVE!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 18:00:00 GMT

99: Babies on Acid

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 21 Jul 2005 23:03:00 GMT

"Just real fast: cockandballs. It's fun."

98: What a Beach

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 21 Jul 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"Every word you said in English was a polite word. It's like Hebrew didn't have nice words."

97: Rude Behavior

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 22:00:00 GMT

"And I'm just disappointed, like I didn't get to show my sister a freak, you know?"

96: Ray Visits

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 19 Jul 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"I'm no longer watching. You're gonna have to tell me what's happening."

95: The Mature

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sun, 17 Jul 2005 05:36:00 GMT

"...and Ron Weasley fucks the chick in the ass."

94: Back in the Day

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 14 Jul 2005 20:28:00 GMT

"Way to take a stand on something, French."

93: War and Peace

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 13 Jul 2005 22:55:00 GMT

"Was she like: 'Whoa, it just came to me. That's fuckin' gross. I will not do it again. I just realized what I was doing.'"

92: Old Enough to Know Better

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 19:03:00 GMT

"I'm all for making people cry."

91: The Keith and The Keith Show

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 12 Jul 2005 00:23:00 GMT

"Womenfolk are gone, bitches. 2. 3. 4."

90: Small Town Minds

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 9 Jul 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"Congratulations to Amy Miller, you fuckin' hog."

89: Fighting Dwarves

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Jul 2005 17:39:00 GMT

"Yes, absolutely. I would punch a woman."

88: Stick to Your Own

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Thu, 7 Jul 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"If all I did was swim, and I didn't have to do anything else, I think I could win a gold."

87: Fuckstration

info@KeithandTheGirl.com — Tue, 5 Jul 2005 17:53:00 GMT

"'Do you know how to make a flower?' They saw me making flowers all day. 'No.' 'Yes you do!' 'Then why are you asking?'"

86: Let's Go to the Phones

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 2 Jul 2005 00:25:00 GMT

"Sometimes I'll find something on the ground, and I'm not sure what it is, so I'll put it in my mouth to figure it out. Sometimes it's not food, but it usually is food."

85: I Have a Black Friend

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 30 Jun 2005 21:23:00 GMT

"God bless white people!"

84: Drinking on the Job

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 30 Jun 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"When you are at work drunk IMing your mom: 'I'm just jerkin' off. What are you doin'?'"

83: USA All The Way

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 29 Jun 2005 03:19:00 GMT

"I went to my wife's job... I cursed out all the managers..."

82: America We Stand As One

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 27 Jun 2005 22:11:00 GMT

"Dennis wants to see no harm done to kids? It's Clown Monday."

81: Earning Daddy's Approval

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 25 Jun 2005 03:17:00 GMT

"You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do."

80: Gaylordy Lordy

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 24 Jun 2005 02:13:00 GMT

"Well, we were talking about being humped as children..."

79: When News Hits Home

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 23 Jun 2005 03:00:00 GMT

"Fuck you you fuckin' fuck."

78: Grooming: Not Just for Queers

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 22 Jun 2005 02:32:00 GMT

"And I'm not some weirdo wiping my dickhead with my hand."

77: Bum Jobs

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 21 Jun 2005 03:03:00 GMT

"I'm gonna put this Rest In Peace on blast, son."

76: How to F***

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 19:34:00 GMT

"And granted I'm not a little boy, you know? 18. And some cultures consider that being a man."

75: Bad Day, Worse Day

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 17 Jun 2005 03:11:00 GMT

"This guy just wouldnât fuckinâ come! You know what? Shit like this makes me wanna go back to the dungeon!"

74: The Greatest Generation

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 14:00:00 GMT

"At first, naturally, I just wanna look at her tits. But then, it's like, mmmmm, I'm allowed to read somethin'."

73: Pop Experts

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 21:15:39 GMT

"Now say that I'm smart. I'll blow you; you say I'm smart."

72: Jackson Free, Ricans Jailed

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 14 Jun 2005 02:45:11 GMT

"No big deal. No big whoop. I just made, a big 'ol poop."

71: Danny Yale's Mom is a Bad Parent

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 10 Jun 2005 23:07:04 GMT

"But if you're 10-years-old this is a way to get felt up by an adult."

70: Down With Scientology

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 10 Jun 2005 03:38:59 GMT

"I can't keep it to myself: Jimmy Fallen sucks."

69: The Girl on Vicodin

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 9 Jun 2005 02:50:40 GMT

"I lost my train of thought. Who cares? Another Vicodin?"

68: Reading is for Faggots

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 7 Jun 2005 23:31:29 GMT

"They had the American flag in their poster and everything, you assholes! The flying eagle... I trust that eagle, sir!"

67: Stupid Money

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 6 Jun 2005 21:06:42 GMT

"I should have washed her vag."

66: Pain is Good

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 4 Jun 2005 02:44:34 GMT

"Three ways to tell fatties they're grotesque without getting them upset."

65: What's in a Name

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 2 Jun 2005 18:41:32 GMT

"She fuckin' is a designer cause she graduated from NYU or whatever the hell... Please. Learn to suck a cock. Did you live in a dorm?"

Calling It In

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 1 Jun 2005 23:58:52 GMT

"It must be awesome to be black in this country."

62: Memorial Day with the French

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 31 May 2005 01:24:36 GMT

"The fat guy trips, and I'm like, 'I think he's dead. Dig in.'"

61: Your Girlfriend's Movers

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 27 May 2005 20:26:51 GMT

"Yeah, that's somethin' you should say. Or: jump out the fuckin' window. And I opted for the window. And: that was smarter; cause then I'm in the emergency room and I don't gotta deal with this."

60: Is Patrice Black?

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 26 May 2005 18:27:22 GMT

"Shut the fuck up, and fuck a woman!"

59: Fuck a Title Wednesday

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 26 May 2005 02:15:56 GMT

"It's not like you finish and your nipples are bleeding; you're like that was some good sex. You ran for that!"

58: Faking the Funk

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 24 May 2005 19:15:30 GMT

"Do you have the sex sheet? I can't find it. I would hate to ruin another good sheet."

57: Mommy & Me, DAMMIT!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 23 May 2005 20:55:14 GMT

"Did you put the chair down on her foot? Alright, quit ruinin' my story."

56: voodoolulu

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 20 May 2005 19:39:00 GMT

"That's not weird. Continue. Continue, please. She makes everything a big deal."

55: Keith Tries to Care

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 19 May 2005 21:42:55 GMT

"Just shoot me in the face. What shoes does she wear? Ohhhh..."

54: Free Porn

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 19 May 2005 01:16:36 GMT

"I turned him upside down, and Elmo stuffed him in a garbage."

53: Whore College

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 18 May 2005 01:33:56 GMT

"She's gonna root for the parapelegics of the world, and I'm goin' for the human beings."

52: Working From Home

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 17 May 2005 02:36:13 GMT

"Black women are the worst. And I've had 'em all!"

51: When Clowns Cry

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 13 May 2005 18:10:12 GMT

"This is a momentum of why you hate your mom."

50: Podcast Outlaw

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 13 May 2005 03:05:10 GMT

"Well quit lookin' in temples fuckin' Satan."

49: DJ Quad

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 12 May 2005 03:56:35 GMT

"When did you become retarded?"

48: Lying, Dying

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 10 May 2005 18:14:55 GMT

"Stop yawning into the mike, please. Jesus Christ! A little subtlety, thank you."

Fuck Paris Hilton

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 10 May 2005 03:58:35 GMT

"I'm just upset that I wasn't invited."

Mother

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sun, 8 May 2005 08:23:31 GMT

HAPPY MOTHERS' DAY!

46: Shit Doesn't Freeze

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 7 May 2005 03:04:53 GMT

"I think in eating out the stripper: you both lost."

Sex Shortyentation

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 6 May 2005 00:39:36 GMT

"Girls don't know that. That happens sometimes."

44: We Tried... Whatever...

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 5 May 2005 04:30:30 GMT

NO QUOTE TODAY. WHO CARES?

43: Ghetto Clue

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 4 May 2005 03:06:23 GMT

"'Oh he thinks we're fuckin' playin'.' And they take the gun and they point it at my legs."

Keith and The Sand Nigger

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 2 May 2005 23:42:04 GMT

"I think this is a set-up and that's your wife and you're gonna punch me in the face."

I Know You're Cheating On Me

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 29 Apr 2005 20:08:17 GMT

"I like men now. I am gay."

Threats and Blessings

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 29 Apr 2005 01:29:05 GMT

"Look at Patrice's face. She can't take it."

Sex and the Shitty...Get It?

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 28 Apr 2005 01:48:14 GMT

"This Keith is a genius, and his speech impediment just emphasizes his wit and ageless wisdom!"

Click Here, Mom!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 26 Apr 2005 22:58:53 GMT

"Okay, now say something nice about my vagina."

School Up In Ya

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 25 Apr 2005 20:30:49 GMT

"We were undercover cops like 21 Jump Street."

Keepin' It Real

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sat, 23 Apr 2005 04:27:50 GMT

"You were just quiet cause you were so mad that all that alcohol was gone."

Retard Rundown

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 22 Apr 2005 00:33:09 GMT

"Cheese is on twelve when you're high."

Singers Wanted

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 21 Apr 2005 03:43:50 GMT

"Are you gonna sing Amazing Grace? You're on the air right now, and we're tryin' to find the next singer."

Working Blue

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 19 Apr 2005 23:28:58 GMT

"Hey, who wants to blow my boyfriend? Wooo!"

Ginny My Clothes Already

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 19 Apr 2005 01:50:32 GMT

"Make it stop. I'm gonna hit my head against the wall. Just punch me."

Jingles All The Way

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 15 Apr 2005 20:00:29 GMT

"I like it. No, it's awesome. It's like putting the Transformers Autobon face on your chest."

Victor Varnado

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 14 Apr 2005 18:29:15 GMT

"Victor, you're a black albino. You're God's little special project. You're special."

Documentary Do's and Don't's

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 13 Apr 2005 23:40:59 GMT

"You were gone! You said you were gone!"

How to Get Pregnant

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 13 Apr 2005 03:52:51 GMT

"I wanna get it in there before she changes her mind."

Then Stop Acting Like Your Stereotype

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 11 Apr 2005 20:10:29 GMT

"You get arrested and you're on COPS, your first call should be to an agent."

Oy to the Vey

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 8 Apr 2005 22:09:21 GMT

"Thank you, Maria. And good luck to you. I know you believe in Hell."

The Relationship Hour

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 8 Apr 2005 01:17:35 GMT

"Computers are made out of ones and zeros. Throw a fuckin' two in there!"

I'll Find You, John Petrie

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 6 Apr 2005 18:05:48 GMT

"I had a roommate, One-Eyed Davis, that I caught stealin' money from me, and, so I pissed all over his - in all his drawers, and I poured bleach on all the clothes hangin' up. That was me, Davis! I did that!"

Pay Your Fuckin' Tab

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 5 Apr 2005 17:41:39 GMT

"Dick! I was watchin' that! Why don't you just go in my house and change the fuckin' channel?"

Mitch Hedberg, Hippies and The Pope

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 4 Apr 2005 19:25:35 GMT

"So he was #1 and gets The Pope dying. I think that's fair, if I get this guy: One of the greatest comics, Mitch Hedberg, is dead."

Fuck Dawn and Drew

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 1 Apr 2005 15:22:26 GMT

"They don't even know why they're on! Well fuck you, you're getting off."

Scams & Horrors

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 31 Mar 2005 22:39:14 GMT

"CNN just reported Terri Shiavo, 41-years old, is dead. So uhh... sorry about all those jokes. Alright, lookin' at, uh, the Amityville murders..."

Baby's First Phone Call

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 30 Mar 2005 21:16:21 GMT

"He's the one that edited this and put it together. So when you're seeing this guy fuck dog-style and then he turns the phone to his fat head: He did that!"

Bartleby the Scrivener

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 29 Mar 2005 21:13:21 GMT

"Granted I didn't read it, so that could be your argument to argue with me, but I know it fuckin' sucked."

Asian Torture

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 28 Mar 2005 21:38:49 GMT

"If Christ is real, in about a week to a week and a half, we will be in the Top 10."

Easter Spectacular - Easter Bunny and The Gay Cruise

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Sun, 27 Mar 2005 15:33:21 GMT

"Some of these are just like joke commandments - just to make sure you're listening."

Prison Bitch

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 25 Mar 2005 17:10:19 GMT

"Whitney Houston is in rehab. Just sliced a bitch. Yeah, in the throat. In the shower."

CUNTinue

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 24 Mar 2005 15:24:37 GMT

"Fuck it! Tonight: hookers, drugs, you, my girlfriend Betsy, eatin' pussy, suckin' dick, lickin' tits... Eatin' pussy..."

The Pat O'Brien Phone Sex Tapes

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 23 Mar 2005 22:19:48 GMT

"I've decided to take action by checking myself into an intensive recovery program. Overcoming this problem is a top priority in my life now that my shit's all over the Internet."

Marriage & Hookers

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 22 Mar 2005 16:51:27 GMT

"I hate that fuckin' bitch of a wife that I have, and I hope that she burns in Hell..."

A Bad Day at Work

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Tue, 22 Mar 2005 01:56:30 GMT

"It's gonna take a hell of a work to get that shit outta your foot."

THE OLSON TWINS DIVORCE!

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 19:46:56 GMT

"I masturbated to all these people! Who's next?"

The Girl's Brother

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Thu, 17 Mar 2005 17:34:59 GMT

"And then suddenly I wake up, and I'm on a plane to the Dominican Republic."

Clowning Around

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Wed, 16 Mar 2005 15:33:02 GMT

"I believe assholes are born not raised."

Teletubbies Premiere

Keith at SHITE.com — Tue, 15 Mar 2005 22:00:47 GMT

"Everybody's gotta act like a fuckin' adult!"

Jeff the Jerkoff

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Mon, 14 Mar 2005 23:06:33 GMT

"Hi. I'm Jeff. I'm a - I'm a jerkoff. It's pleased to meet you. Please don't call me Jeffrey. That's what my mom calls me when I'm trying to podcast in her basement."

The Podwars of 2005

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 11 Mar 2005 19:13:10 GMT

"Their show has really just turned into a countdown of when he chokes her."

Customer Service

chemdapants@nyc.rr.com — Fri, 11 Mar 2005 01:27:30 GMT

"We come here all the time. So eat it."

The Breakup Show

Keith at SHITE.com — Wed, 9 Mar 2005 22:53:26 GMT

"I don't like any trauma, and chicks are crazy."

Introduction to Racism

Keith at SHITE.com — Tue, 8 Mar 2005 21:48:00 GMT

"I want to have sex, so I'm like, 'Can you finally pick at this? This's disgusting.'"

SHOW #1

Keith at SHITE.com — Tue, 8 Mar 2005 04:15:00 GMT

"Does that make you cranky, or it turns you into a man?"