"I'm a Butt Sex Pioneer. I'll take it for $5.95."

"Why do you cut yourself?"

"Keith is a bigger pussy than I thought."

"This heart didn't come with instructions."

"'Fuck' is okay. 'Cunt' is okay. I think we're ready."

"Show that you're a little dirty bitch."

"You told me to be more assertive, so I beat the shit out of kids."

"You're an idiot mom. That's why you have an idiot kid."

"I'm writing to tell you that I've been teetering this way and that over whether or not to continue listening."

"Oh, let's get it on!"

"This is like, literally, it has to be one of the dumbest - if not the dumbest - thing I've ever done."

"I'm nicer than all you fake fucks. Fuck you."

"What's your job besides not having babies?"

"Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?"

"It was nice talking to you. Now let's never talk again."

"If we have cloning, I would clone you and then murder both of you."

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"How much money do you have in your bank right now?"

"He listened to the show, and now does not speak to me."

"You've been shaming the family since you were nine?"

"I don't believe in baking. I never did."