"Seriously, why do you hate me so much?!"

"Keep doing your show, assholes. Your life is getting ruined."

"I hate my dad, and I couldn't take it anymore."

"I'm a street nigga. You'll see me."

"The cake is not a lie."

"I have heart. I got the broomstick now."

"Laugh. It only helps me."

"I'm spending $300 tonight, and I'm drunk, and my liver's done."

"Why's everybody coming to me for their enemas anyway?"

"Don't be offended if you're the one giving the speech and it's Hooker Time."

"It was also dark, and you got pushed down by a ho."

"Nothing you say will ever put my family back together."

"Did you just say my time's not fuckin' important with my fake job and fake kids?! Who the fuck are you?!"

"Some of these adults have mentioned things to me that I feel obligated to address, for if they are true as they were described to me, I have lost a son."

"I got a gun. Happy anniversary to me."

"He's definitely a little delusional."

"I might be kind of a nightmare to date."

"Are you keeping a secret that could break you two up?"

"It's incredibly hard to find a chick who isn't a just great big retarded whore."

Open Mic Night, Chemda: Fame Whore, White Boys and The Spooky Hot Shot.

"I'm the only person who likes you."