"You don't call a girl a faggot, Homo."

"Keith and The Girl will get his penis. I guarantee it. I promise you."

"Now are you on Keith and The Girl's side? Now are you? Ridiculous."

"Pod-people don't play nice with each other."

"I get to see the Keith and Chemda that a lot of people don't get to see. And it's lovely, don't get me wrong. But..."

"War is delightful. Yeah, to those that haven't yet experienced it."

"I'm not startin' a fight..."

"What a table of not nice people, including your wife, dude."

"There's your fuckin' freedom of speech!"

"Whoa whoa whoa. Now say that again in slower."

"Can you understand why people would be homophobic?

"If you dare call my shit a monkeybox..."

"I'll tell you what: I beat you, and I would like you to call in the show and just admit that I am very very smart."

"My penis is digital."

"I'd like to kill myself and then get it back."

"If you won the bajillion dollar lottery, would you still do the show?"

"I can't love you this much and you not give a fuck."

"And don't you dare go, 'What's the big deal?' If you don't know, then you're a fuckin' idiot!"

"Liar, liar, liar with your pants on fire - always goin' back on your word."

"There are no secrets. Only information you don't yet have."

"Daily downloads of all their shows combined - all their shows combined at PodShow.com..."