Mon, 23 November 2009 "I'm not done with you yet. Not by a long shot!" |
Fri, 20 November 2009 "Tonight I'm gonna fuckin' suck ya." |
Thu, 19 November 2009 "You're on my Not Allowed list!" |
Wed, 18 November 2009 "I'll let a girl know before she's about to go down on me that way it's not a surprise." |
Tue, 17 November 2009 "I don't care! You're not sucking me in!" |
Mon, 16 November 2009 "Your marriage is based on a lie already." |
Fri, 13 November 2009 "The teachers tell me to put the baby under my seat. That's ridiculous!" |
Thu, 12 November 2009 "I can't even anymore." |
Wed, 11 November 2009 100 for 30: Pat Dixon and Jesse Joyce |
Tue, 10 November 2009 "I actually considered taking my own life."
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Mon, 9 November 2009 "Don't cut yourself unless it's from a good place." |
Fri, 6 November 2009 "Ovaries, much?" |
Thu, 5 November 2009 "You know what? She should be fearful of her life." |
Wed, 4 November 2009 "I bet you she has nothing nice to say about you, and you fucked her ten times." |
Tue, 3 November 2009 "You guys jerk off on webcams and stuff now?" |
Mon, 2 November 2009 "Don't even answer the door..." |
Fri, 30 October 2009 "Pedro Martinez looks like a koala fucked a retard." |
Thu, 29 October 2009 "I know you won't eat me." |
Wed, 28 October 2009 "I will drink all the shit out of my butt." |
Tue, 27 October 2009 "Are you a whore?" |
Mon, 26 October 2009 "I like him a lot. This hurts me." |
Fri, 23 October 2009 "This is very offensive to the room. I know you're just half-retarded. And so you're forgiven." |
Thu, 22 October 2009 "Peace, love and Keith and The Girl." |
Tue, 20 October 2009 "Whose penis is that?" |
Mon, 19 October 2009 "I'm gonna be upset about this, and at the same time really happy." |
Sun, 18 October 2009 100 for 30: Victor Varnado |
Fri, 16 October 2009 "I'm very appalled. I didn't understand. I thought that you'd treat us with respect and dignity." |
Thu, 15 October 2009 "He ain't wrong, but he ain't right." |
Wed, 14 October 2009 "You're putting your penis in his daughter's vagina." |
Tue, 13 October 2009 "I just got off the phone with your dad, Chemda, and he says you're lying." |
Wed, 7 October 2009 "I tell you everything. Just some things you can't fuckin' handle." |
Tue, 6 October 2009 "You were gonna watch us having sex. It was kinda kinky, kind of interesting." |
Mon, 5 October 2009 "This is a girl laying on the floor, and you stomped on her." |
Fri, 2 October 2009 "Nobody's leaving this alive." |
Thu, 1 October 2009 "I'm gonna fight this guy!" |
Thu, 1 October 2009 Keith, Myq Kaplan and Jeremy go for the gold |
Wed, 30 September 2009 "Have a sense of humor, Shithead." |
Tue, 29 September 2009 "Don't do acid or mushrooms in an artist's house." |
Mon, 28 September 2009 "You're not the prick cocksucker that was on Keith's DVD after all." |
Fri, 25 September 2009 "Act like a man! Cum like a man!" |
Thu, 24 September 2009 "Why do you do drugs in front of your kids?" |
Wed, 23 September 2009 "Be careful! Mom just discovered Google!" |
Wed, 23 September 2009 100 for 30: Myq Kaplan |
Tue, 22 September 2009 "I hate doing this talk show! I hate it!" |
Mon, 21 September 2009 "Justice runs on Little Baby Faggot Time." |
Fri, 18 September 2009 "Your lips are a hot dog bun. Want a picnic? I'll bring the meat. Also you're a whore I met on 18th street." |
Thu, 17 September 2009 "I do have to say something though about the new intern. This is gonna hurt feelings." |
Wed, 16 September 2009 100 for 30: Ray DeVito |
Wed, 16 September 2009 "Which brings me to my next question: Will you get totally nude for $130? That would be pretty wild. Wild and affordable." |
Tue, 15 September 2009 "You're a shit-box. How can I be clearer?" |
Mon, 14 September 2009 "I was nuts, and I was an asshole." |
Fri, 11 September 2009 "I do like to get hurt." |
Thu, 10 September 2009 "Ever wake up with your foot in the toilet?" |
Wed, 9 September 2009 "I'm gonna fuck way more cancer patients than you before the year is over." |
Tue, 8 September 2009 "You both deserved each other! I'm glad you made each other's lives Hell!" |
Mon, 7 September 2009 "Alright, I gotta go suck dick now. You behave." |
Fri, 4 September 2009 "Only assholes get MS." |
Thu, 3 September 2009 "I'm about to beep all over myself." |
Wed, 2 September 2009 "It feels like they're stealing my farts." |
Tue, 1 September 2009 "I really don't know if I have something in my ass or not." |
Tue, 1 September 2009 Chemda laughs at an MS joke and joins the likes of Adolf Hitler and Jack the Ripper |
Mon, 31 August 2009 "I'm not the same guy I was a year ago." |
Sun, 30 August 2009 Intern Mike receives and pontificates on his Keith and The Girl cutting and branding. |
Fri, 28 August 2009 Chemda, Matt, Lauren and Intern Mike compete in the 1st Annual Chili Competition |
Thu, 27 August 2009 "Fuck you! I fuck your sons! I fuck your daughters!" |
Wed, 26 August 2009 "Come on over, guys. I got a gun." |
Tue, 25 August 2009 "It's Keith vs. Chemda now. You wanted it!" |
Mon, 24 August 2009 "I really should just beat the fuck out of you." |
Sat, 22 August 2009 Keith, Brother Love and the KATG audience put Myka FOX!!! on the spot |
Fri, 21 August 2009 "Just a simple jerk-off. Who knew?" |
Wed, 19 August 2009 "First time I've been offended by the show." |
Tue, 18 August 2009 "I can, without slander, call him homosexual." |
Mon, 17 August 2009 "I'm an advanced man, and I like to do it in the ass." |
Sun, 16 August 2009 Keith, Pat, Jeremy, Cole and Intern Mike compete in the 1st Annual Burger Competition |
Thu, 13 August 2009 "If I'm embarrassing me, I'm embarrassing you." |
Wed, 12 August 2009 "Keith is belittling someone after he talked about tearing his dick with a Brillo Pad." |
Tue, 11 August 2009 "Shit, I'm pretty fuckin' gay..."
|
Mon, 10 August 2009 "Jesus Christ, can't you lighten up for five fuckin' minutes?!" |
Fri, 7 August 2009 "Your mommy sucked my dick for two dollars." |
Thu, 6 August 2009 "Get the fuck out the way, Nana." |
Wed, 5 August 2009 "There's no way to win is the answer." |
Tue, 4 August 2009 "My fists are thirsty for Ray's balls." |
Mon, 3 August 2009 "Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you what you are like." |
Fri, 31 July 2009 "Drama will be soon." |
Thu, 30 July 2009 "You apparently have never been ninja-fucked." |
Wed, 29 July 2009 "I will not let a shit-head offend me." |
Tue, 28 July 2009 "This is a drunk sudden movement venue." |
Mon, 27 July 2009 "I don't have a problem with sleeping with a lot of comedians." |
Thu, 23 July 2009 "I'll be back later 'cause you like to beat people." |
Wed, 22 July 2009 "They pay you for this crap. It's amazing. God bless 'em."
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Tue, 21 July 2009 "I've had an olive in my ass." |
Mon, 20 July 2009 "I'm very in touch with Me." |
Fri, 17 July 2009 "I'm not alone. But you know that don't mean I'm not lonely." |
Thu, 16 July 2009 "I lost my shit." |
Wed, 15 July 2009 "Two days notice, and Keith will do whatever you want." |
Tue, 14 July 2009 "I'm a fuckin' animal, and all I do is fight." |
Thu, 9 July 2009 "You're gonna sue the child for blowing your husband..." |
Wed, 8 July 2009 "Now I'm about to violate your trust." |
Tue, 7 July 2009 "Don't Palin Me." |
Fri, 3 July 2009 "It was the beginning of the end." |
Thu, 2 July 2009 "Is this against the law if your baby like looks over here for a second?" |
Wed, 1 July 2009 "Let's get a few things straight." |
Tue, 30 June 2009 "If you want to know who your real enablers are: It's your listeners." |
Mon, 29 June 2009 "One boring fucking day at a time..." |
Sun, 28 June 2009 "He brought like Hot Pockets to The Greatest Chefs in the World Competition." |
Fri, 26 June 2009 "All my friends are lying to me!" |
Thu, 25 June 2009 "It was too soon when you touched my children!" |
Wed, 24 June 2009 "Somebody kill me today. It's not gonna get better." |
Tue, 23 June 2009 "I'm the fuckin' meltin' pot, A-fuck!" |
Mon, 22 June 2009 "If you are going to pay for sex it better be dirty because at home: the laundry is folded." |
Sat, 20 June 2009 "For those of you who no longer wish to honor who I am and what I do, I truly wish you death." |
Fri, 19 June 2009 "Your backyard is where I vacation! How ya like that?!" |
Thu, 18 June 2009 "She vaginad her way into the position." |
Wed, 17 June 2009 "I wanna fuck a girl who I put it in her ass and she doesn't even turn around to see who it is." |
Tue, 16 June 2009 "I think we might owe you an apology, actually." |
Mon, 15 June 2009 "Let's get back to the story: He tells me to cum on his face..." |
Sun, 14 June 2009 "Time to go out raping, I guess." |
Fri, 12 June 2009 "I'm the kid you jerked off, you fuckin' son of a bitch." |
Thu, 11 June 2009 "This isn't a town that says, 'Keep the change.'" |
Wed, 10 June 2009 "Kiss my dick, Spooky!" |
Tue, 9 June 2009 "Everything looks sexy. She has no control." |
Mon, 8 June 2009 "It's not a very nice show." |
Fri, 5 June 2009 "It ain't no note-takin' faggot baa! It's a drinkin' baa!" |
Thu, 4 June 2009 "We are a team! You hate who I hate!" |
Wed, 3 June 2009 "Sometimes you gotta put your penis places." |
Tue, 2 June 2009 "It's like I'm fuckin' me!" |
Fri, 29 May 2009 "Don't go to the dildo store when you're horny." |
Thu, 28 May 2009 "Don't pull me into this." |
Wed, 27 May 2009 "My life would be over if I was allowed to say whatever I could say." |
Tue, 26 May 2009 "It's never good to throw things at gang members." |
Fri, 22 May 2009 "Two thumbs down, and two middle fingers up." |
Thu, 21 May 2009 "Do you understand how sad this is, ladies?" |
Wed, 20 May 2009 "Go home, and quit touching each other." |
Tue, 19 May 2009 "I partied even crazier the next night to the point where like my knees are like bloody-colored and bruises and..." |
Mon, 18 May 2009 "That is when your and F-MOS' advice came to mind. She was suddenly feeling doubts, so I just whipped my dick out." |
Fri, 15 May 2009 "I'm the undisputed all-time champion comedy king comedy!" |
Thu, 14 May 2009 "I happen to be the crossover nigger of America." |
Wed, 13 May 2009 "Tell me what level of a scumbag I am." |
Tue, 12 May 2009 "I can't explain my disease." |
Mon, 11 May 2009 "I think you were high on whiskey." |
Fri, 8 May 2009 "When you're aware of the world, it makes your heart cry." |
Thu, 7 May 2009 "Are you gonna swear again, you stupid bitch?" |
Wed, 6 May 2009 "What the fuck are y'all laughin' at, man?" |
Tue, 5 May 2009 "You think you can just not answer the phone call? You have to answer the phone call now!" |
Mon, 4 May 2009 "Keith, I'm gay, and that's my brother I'm trying to fuck." |
Fri, 1 May 2009 "Shit talkers don't get to decide when the shit talking ends." |
Thu, 30 April 2009 "You have no sense." |
Wed, 29 April 2009 "Once in awhile you have to go out and fuck somebody else." |
Tue, 28 April 2009 "Was she able to fuck the whole collection?" |
Mon, 27 April 2009 "If you're not uncomfortable, you're not a comedy fan." |
Fri, 24 April 2009 "If you can put up drywall you're in." |
Thu, 23 April 2009 "Have I hit a woman before? Hell yeah." |
Wed, 22 April 2009 "Stop spreading rumors about me!" |
Tue, 21 April 2009 "I'm the only person with human decency!" |
Mon, 20 April 2009 "I know you're fucking lying!" |
Fri, 17 April 2009 Check out the full video at KATG.com/live |
Tue, 14 April 2009 "If you could stop talking about me that'd be fuckin' FANTASTIC!" |
Mon, 13 April 2009 "We have some more vomiting tonight. What's going on?" |
Fri, 10 April 2009 "My logic can break you down." |
Thu, 9 April 2009 "Keep eating your shit!" |
Wed, 8 April 2009 "I got shot in the face." |
Tue, 7 April 2009 "I maybe not say this but if the Keith is not good to you and go to away from him. I would love the you." |
Mon, 6 April 2009 "I shit me drawers." |
Fri, 3 April 2009 "If Intern punches me in the face: so be it." |
Thu, 2 April 2009 "Maybe you're scared of what you don't understand, because I understand everything." |
Wed, 1 April 2009 "I love Lying Day." |
Tue, 31 March 2009 "You must have the rustiest asshole this side of the Mississippi." |
Mon, 30 March 2009 "I'm a Butt Sex Pioneer. I'll take it for $5.95." |
Fri, 27 March 2009 "Why do you cut yourself?" |
Thu, 26 March 2009 "Keith is a bigger pussy than I thought." |
Wed, 25 March 2009 "This heart didn't come with instructions." |
Tue, 24 March 2009 "'Fuck' is okay. 'Cunt' is okay. I think we're ready." |
Mon, 23 March 2009 "Show that you're a little dirty bitch." |
Fri, 20 March 2009 "You told me to be more assertive, so I beat the shit out of kids." |
Thu, 19 March 2009 "You're an idiot mom. That's why you have an idiot kid." |
Wed, 18 March 2009 "I'm writing to tell you that I've been teetering this way and that over whether or not to continue listening." |
Tue, 17 March 2009 "Oh, let's get it on!" |
Mon, 16 March 2009 "This is like, literally, it has to be one of the dumbest - if not the dumbest - thing I've ever done." |
Fri, 13 March 2009 "I'm nicer than all you fake fucks. Fuck you." |
Thu, 12 March 2009 "What's your job besides not having babies?" |
Wed, 11 March 2009 "Why couldn't you leave well enough alone?" |
Tue, 10 March 2009 "It was nice talking to you. Now let's never talk again." |
Mon, 9 March 2009 "If we have cloning, I would clone you and then murder both of you." |
Fri, 6 March 2009 Revelers enjoy the Party! Super Party! |
Thu, 5 March 2009 "How much money do you have in your bank right now?" |
Wed, 4 March 2009 "He listened to the show, and now does not speak to me." |
Tue, 3 March 2009 "You've been shaming the family since you were nine?" |
Mon, 2 March 2009 "I don't believe in baking. I never did." |
Fri, 27 February 2009 "I will not be a victim!" |
Thu, 26 February 2009 "He looks at me and goes - and I quote: 'What have you done lately?'" |
Wed, 25 February 2009 "Who's to say we don't want to just show our tits and need a good excuse?" |
Tue, 24 February 2009 "Nothing's ever sick enough for the Asians." |
Mon, 23 February 2009 "He's not gonna try something. I'll punch him in the mouth." |
Fri, 20 February 2009 "Let's just say I've been kind of a mess lately." |
Thu, 19 February 2009 "You've made a very big mistake." |
Wed, 18 February 2009 "Pen in your eye!" |
Tue, 17 February 2009 "You know you're gonna get a lot of shit for this, right?" |
Fri, 13 February 2009 "I get it; you got AIDS. Let's play some music." |
Thu, 12 February 2009 "It's not like I never had ass sex before. Let's be clear and honest." |
Wed, 11 February 2009 "I've got twenty dollars if you're bored and wanna kill anyone." |
Tue, 10 February 2009 "You go to KeithandTheGirl.com right now: there is video where something shitty is going on. And maybe literally." |
Mon, 9 February 2009 "That is gonna be just a horrible day when you figure shit out." |
Fri, 6 February 2009 "Every time I act, this guy's pointing a fucking camera at me!" |
Thu, 5 February 2009 "Let's see if Patrice is an idiot." |
Wed, 4 February 2009 "I'm gonna kick your ass!" |
Tue, 3 February 2009 "You got something to say to this prick?!" |
Mon, 2 February 2009 "Now you can check asshole without you turning into an animal yourself!" |
Fri, 30 January 2009 "I knew I was onto something. Who do I sue?" |
Thu, 29 January 2009 "What are you most disappointed in her about?" |
Wed, 28 January 2009 "I truly apologize for anything and everything. I am the only one at fault here." |
Tue, 27 January 2009 "I think you're a dildo, and not the kind I want in my vagina. I wasn't staring at you, you self-conscious douche." |
Mon, 26 January 2009 "I really want you to just bang a chair over her face." |
Fri, 23 January 2009 "If you're lookin' for asshole, you're gonna find asshole." |
Wed, 21 January 2009 "You can't Jew me down when I'm talkin' about suckin' bear dick." |
Tue, 20 January 2009 "Thank you for helping me be a better person." |
Fri, 16 January 2009 "The challenge is basically to prove Keith wrong." |
Thu, 15 January 2009 "You're being a little bitch 'cause you're not looking at me." |
Wed, 14 January 2009 "I like women the same way I like my coffee. I don't like coffee." |
Tue, 13 January 2009 "Someone starts blowing me, and I don't know who it is." |
Mon, 12 January 2009 "Oh my God! You too, Adam?!" |
Fri, 9 January 2009 "I got your medicine..." |
Thu, 8 January 2009 "Good morning, mother fucker." |
Wed, 7 January 2009 "Their own god can't even milk itself." |
Tue, 6 January 2009 "Are you friends with Bill?" |
Tue, 6 January 2009 "Don't masturbate hard; masturbate smart." |
Mon, 5 January 2009 "I'm gonna drive around the corner and get a blow job." |
Tue, 30 December 2008 |
Tue, 30 December 2008 Keith and Chemda in the classic Mexican Food Standoff |
Mon, 29 December 2008 |
Wed, 24 December 2008 |
Tue, 23 December 2008 |
Tue, 23 December 2008 |
Mon, 22 December 2008 |
Sat, 20 December 2008 "Was that the first time Chemda realized that she was dating a drunk?" |
Fri, 19 December 2008 "You can have some of my butt." |
Thu, 18 December 2008 "I only became a drunk when you started drinking less." |
Thu, 18 December 2008 Keith and The Girl teach you about caring for a newborn |
Wed, 17 December 2008 "Quit rippin' off the fuckin' workin' man!" |
Tue, 16 December 2008 "I just finished. Gotcha!" |
Tue, 16 December 2008 |
Mon, 15 December 2008 "You are so fuckin' jealous..." |
Fri, 12 December 2008 "It will be on my tombstone." |
Thu, 11 December 2008 "We had to have hung out at least three times before threatening to kill me." |
Wed, 10 December 2008 "When they're dead I can't make them cry." |
Tue, 9 December 2008 "Never been more offended..." |
Mon, 8 December 2008 "If you ever just feel like yelling at me: Don't." |
Fri, 5 December 2008 "I don't want my dick back in a knot. Just suck it." |
Thu, 4 December 2008 "You're better than me. The End." |
Wed, 3 December 2008 "Where are the coloreds getting their water?" |
Tue, 2 December 2008 Our very Sexy PotatoE stunts her maturity |
Mon, 1 December 2008 "Sometimes we have really creepy moments." |
Wed, 26 November 2008 "I will destroy your life. I'm not kidding." |
Tue, 25 November 2008 "Sounds a little Hate Crime to me..." |
Mon, 24 November 2008 "Get ready to punch your friend in the face." |
Fri, 21 November 2008 "They have to admit that Keith Malley is nicer than Adam Curry." |
Thu, 20 November 2008 "I demand that everyone act appropriately." |
Wed, 19 November 2008 "Here's a picture of my dick. That should tide you over." |
Tue, 18 November 2008 "If someone hands you The Meaning of Life, how do you go on living?" |
Mon, 17 November 2008 "Yes, you were a jerk. Everyone hates you for what you did." |
Fri, 14 November 2008 "All your compliments offend me." |
Thu, 13 November 2008 "Can I get a party size glass of that?" |
Wed, 12 November 2008 "You're not gonna pervert our relationship." |
Tue, 11 November 2008 "You know what's in my brain right now? Fucking you, 9-year-old." |
Mon, 10 November 2008 "You get nothing until you apologize to me!" |
Sat, 8 November 2008 "You have the disease that I don't like to hang out with." |
Thu, 6 November 2008 "This is going to end badly." |
Wed, 5 November 2008 "The problem is your penis wasn't out." |
Tue, 4 November 2008 "If he's wet, he's a pedophile!" |
Mon, 3 November 2008 "The phone number's open for your apology, you fuckin' bitch." |
Fri, 31 October 2008 "Good comedy is based on research." |
Thu, 30 October 2008 "Do we need to stop this?" |
Wed, 29 October 2008 "You have the right to remain silent." |
Tue, 28 October 2008 "I bet I could beat the ever-livin' shit out of you." |
Mon, 27 October 2008 "I cannot guarantee reliability, sobriety or even coherentness." |
Mon, 27 October 2008 Our heroes trip balls - Mike the Intern, McNally and Keith |
Fri, 24 October 2008 "Your vagina's eatin' my dick." |
Thu, 23 October 2008 "Oh my God, do you want babies?" |
Wed, 22 October 2008 "I was in my own glass thing. So I couldn't get out of the box. And the box kept pushin' me - maybe 'cause I'm flyin' through space like that..." |
Tue, 21 October 2008 "If we fought, I would not be surprised."
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Mon, 20 October 2008 Check out the full video at KATG.com/live |
Mon, 20 October 2008 "You'll say it like it is. What do you think of Israel?" |
Fri, 10 October 2008 |
Thu, 9 October 2008 |
Wed, 8 October 2008 |
Tue, 7 October 2008 |
Mon, 6 October 2008 |
Fri, 3 October 2008 "Name one good day as a couple that we've had together." |
Thu, 2 October 2008 "Raise your pizzas." |
Wed, 1 October 2008 "He's come a long way from when he was eating shit in the bathroom." |
Tue, 30 September 2008 "Send out your signals: Don't fuck around the Malleys' house." |
Mon, 29 September 2008 "If you don't leave now, I will shoot you." |
Fri, 26 September 2008 "Nice try, bitch! I know about podcasting." |
Thu, 25 September 2008 "I'll get that baby out today." |
Wed, 24 September 2008 "They're just hoping we don't shoot up the place."
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Tue, 23 September 2008 "What are the chances of my parole officer being here?" |
Mon, 22 September 2008 "The irony is you don't like you." |
Fri, 19 September 2008 "This is Knock Shit Outta People's Hands Area, and you're in it." |
Thu, 18 September 2008 "If it looks weird and smells weird, don't do it." |
Wed, 17 September 2008 "Chemda said I'm allowed to punch him right in the face." |
Tue, 16 September 2008 "Every deal that we've gotten is because we have potty mouths." |
Mon, 15 September 2008 "I'll burn that bridge when I come to it." |
Fri, 12 September 2008 "Do I look like an asshole if I sit you down and explain to you how to curse? Cause holy cunt-balls..." |
Thu, 11 September 2008 "He wouldn't shake my hand in person, but now I'm gonna check his asshole cancer." |
Wed, 10 September 2008 "Maybe you should have thought about that when you got knocked up near power lines." |
Tue, 9 September 2008 "This dog just fucked me!" |
Mon, 8 September 2008 "You're drunk! Shut your mouth!" |
Fri, 5 September 2008 "I ain't talkin' about the vagina, honey." |
Thu, 4 September 2008 "Too approachable! I'm too good!" |
Wed, 3 September 2008 "I need faces! I need faces!" |
Tue, 2 September 2008 "Don't let our amusement throw you." |
Mon, 1 September 2008 Keith and The Girl try to get married |
Fri, 29 August 2008 "More people need to be quiet and start diaries." |
Thu, 28 August 2008 "Get up. You're not having a panic attack." |
Wed, 27 August 2008 "It's time for me to stop being scared, and time to make others start." |
Tue, 26 August 2008 "Why am I the representative of all things you hate today?" |
Mon, 25 August 2008 "Never would I ever come across as a whore. And for you to suggest that is just disgusting." |
Fri, 22 August 2008 "And to think I should be dead." |
Thu, 21 August 2008 "Call ahead." |
Wed, 20 August 2008 "Hey, sorry. My bad. I'm out. We're done." |
Tue, 19 August 2008 "Nobody thinks there's any consequences." |
Mon, 18 August 2008 "Would this make you applaud?!" |
Fri, 15 August 2008 "Adam just looks horrified right now." |
Thu, 14 August 2008 "A whole bunch of sperm at once makes you tell bad puns all the time." |
Wed, 13 August 2008 "You're not sending a signal that I should start fucking your face?" |
Tue, 12 August 2008 "Let me tell you how I feel about THAT person..." |
Fri, 8 August 2008 |
Thu, 7 August 2008 |
Wed, 6 August 2008 |
Tue, 5 August 2008 |
Mon, 4 August 2008 |
Fri, 1 August 2008 "Let's have a fuckin' baby! Let's end this shit!" |
Thu, 31 July 2008 "I want to work with you. Please tell me the secret of The Ancients." |
Wed, 30 July 2008 "I've decided that I just'm gonna play you what I recorded when it happened because it's honest, and... that's what I do." |
Tue, 29 July 2008 "Fuck you, God. There, I said it." |
Mon, 28 July 2008 "You're dead. I'm gonna kill you." |
Fri, 25 July 2008 "I can't tell if this guy is boasting a little too much about it, or he's just amazed that he's even alive." |
Thu, 24 July 2008 "Tell me the bad things about me." |
Wed, 23 July 2008 "I'd eat a buddy of mine. Happily." |
Tue, 22 July 2008 "We are so much more tolerant of you fuckers." |
Mon, 21 July 2008 "Are you the retard where I need to acknowledge you or not acknowledge you? |
Fri, 18 July 2008 |
Thu, 17 July 2008 |
Wed, 16 July 2008 |
Tue, 15 July 2008 |
Mon, 14 July 2008 |
Fri, 11 July 2008 "Welcome to the club. See you in Hell." |
Thu, 10 July 2008 "How sad your life is, Keith... to not know love..." |
Wed, 9 July 2008 "You think Mevio keeps their tents? I doubt it." |
Tue, 8 July 2008 "This is a human being? Well I gotta look that word up. 'Cause I don't think it is." |
Mon, 7 July 2008 "If you think you've heard Chemda on 11; no you haven't. You've heard her on 3. That's all you ever heard her on." |
Wed, 2 July 2008 "Fuck you, England. I didn't forget." |
Tue, 1 July 2008 "You don't even know where you are, Big Boy." |
Mon, 30 June 2008 "You can't make somebody happy." |
Fri, 27 June 2008 "Your kegerator is fuckin' up my tongue." |
Thu, 26 June 2008 "Nobody's tricking me anymore." |
Wed, 25 June 2008 "The Seven Year Itch is comin'..." |
Tue, 24 June 2008 "Why do we need to give everybody a chance?" |
Mon, 23 June 2008 "I'm not a thief, okay? I'm a very very upstanding citizen." |
Fri, 20 June 2008 "You're my only fuckin' truly honest friend, and for that, sir, you're forever." |
Thu, 19 June 2008 "This was a horrible thing I did." |
Wed, 18 June 2008 "Dick... tasted like sprinkles." |
Tue, 17 June 2008 "You shouldn't have a drink because you're gonna go to bed and pee yourself." |
Mon, 16 June 2008 "We just want to be in Guinness." |
Tue, 10 June 2008 "I'll tell you this, all you genius parents with your point of view..." |
Fri, 6 June 2008 "If you can do me a favor and not sniff your own pussy too much in my bathroom, I'd appreciate it." |
Thu, 5 June 2008 "I want a baby." |
Wed, 4 June 2008 "Well, I mean, six years later I find out it wasn't the real thing..." |
Tue, 3 June 2008 "I've always been a fat person. My whole family are fat people." |
Mon, 2 June 2008 "Keith and The Girl will fail as a show because I will shoot my listeners in the face." |
Mon, 2 June 2008 A highlight reel of 14-year-old KATG Internet Sensation Bruno G |
Fri, 30 May 2008 "I know I fucked him somehow. I just couldn't remember." |
Thu, 29 May 2008 "Do we want to place a bet?" |
Wed, 28 May 2008 "If anyone out there who's listening to this listens to that hateful piece of trash called Keith and The Girl..." |
Tue, 27 May 2008 "You owe me $5. You played The Motherfucker." |
Fri, 23 May 2008 "If we were in jail, your mouth would be first." |
Thu, 22 May 2008 "I haven't actually told this to anybody. Ever." |
Wed, 21 May 2008 "You're not dragging me into your Above and Beyond." |
Tue, 20 May 2008 "Then how did I get scalping tickets to your Bat Mitzvah, cunt?" |
Mon, 19 May 2008 "You know what tastes the best? Satisfaction." |
Fri, 16 May 2008 "Would it be easier to sleep with her if you quit imagining that she's your sister?" |
Thu, 15 May 2008 "You smell like rent." |
Wed, 14 May 2008 "What the fuck is your problem, man?!" |
Tue, 13 May 2008 "I don't use foul language, and I don't like to hear anyone else use it either." |
Mon, 12 May 2008 "I don't mean to sound like some kind of ninja, but I controlled it." |
Fri, 9 May 2008 "To hear you say that, honestly, is a slap in the face." |
Thu, 8 May 2008 "He smirked at you, then came on your wife." |
Wed, 7 May 2008 "I bet there's a lot of skin under her nails." |
Tue, 6 May 2008 "But nobody was watching the body, so I got busy." |
Mon, 5 May 2008 "I smelled my ass-pants after just to see." |
Mon, 5 May 2008 KATG spends time in the Small Country |
Sat, 3 May 2008 "I'll pay thirty-five bucks to fuck you." |
Thu, 1 May 2008 "It was so ridiculous that we were sitting there eating together." |
Wed, 30 April 2008 "Put your hand in my wound thing!" |
Tue, 29 April 2008 "You guys are not the easiest people to bring a fuckin' girlfriend around - right? - at all." |
Mon, 28 April 2008 "Look at you: Full-On Country!" |
Mon, 28 April 2008 The Spooky and Deuce armwrestling rematch |
Fri, 25 April 2008 "If I know I'm right, you're so fuckin' wrong." |
Thu, 24 April 2008 "You're not gonna ruin my new mom for me, ladies." |
Wed, 23 April 2008 "I'm just addicted to broken people." |
Tue, 22 April 2008 "This is on the air? We got this?" |
Mon, 21 April 2008 "I made myself seem approachable, and I think that's where I went wrong." |
Thu, 17 April 2008 "I can't explain to you, your honor, stand-up comedy." |
Wed, 16 April 2008 "I did several jabs to the face and an uppercut to the face." |
Fri, 11 April 2008 "Let me tell you all the secrets I know!" |
Thu, 10 April 2008 "I like it when I win rape scenarios." |
Wed, 9 April 2008 "You're gonna get a shitload of prayers comin' your way, buddy." |
Tue, 8 April 2008 "People. Aren't. Nice." |
Mon, 7 April 2008 "You're a fuckin' idiot, and try to talk less at parties." |
Fri, 4 April 2008 "Don't be a bitch! I'm sensitive!" |
Thu, 3 April 2008 "When I need to bust a nut, I gotta get into the city toot sweet." |
Wed, 2 April 2008 "The advice you've given me has led to a bigger problem." |
Tue, 1 April 2008 "We are now gonna see if I am an Asperger." |
Mon, 31 March 2008 "Picture the power of this midget, but with brass knuckles!" |
Fri, 28 March 2008 "Seriously, why do you hate me so much?!" |
Thu, 27 March 2008 "Keep doing your show, assholes. Your life is getting ruined." Comments[108] |
Wed, 26 March 2008 "I hate my dad, and I couldn't take it anymore." |
Tue, 25 March 2008 "I'm a street nigga. You'll see me." |
Mon, 24 March 2008 "The cake is not a lie." |
Thu, 20 March 2008 "I have heart. I got the broomstick now." |
Wed, 19 March 2008 "Laugh. It only helps me." |
Tue, 18 March 2008 "I'm spending $300 tonight, and I'm drunk, and my liver's done." |
Mon, 17 March 2008 "Why's everybody coming to me for their enemas anyway?" |
Fri, 14 March 2008 "Don't be offended if you're the one giving the speech and it's Hooker Time." |
Thu, 13 March 2008 "It was also dark, and you got pushed down by a ho." |
Wed, 12 March 2008 "Nothing you say will ever put my family back together." |
Tue, 11 March 2008 "Did you just say my time's not fuckin' important with my fake job and fake kids?! Who the fuck are you?!" |
Mon, 10 March 2008 "Some of these adults have mentioned things to me that I feel obligated to address, for if they are true as they were described to me, I have lost a son." |
Fri, 7 March 2008 "I got a gun. Happy anniversary to me." |
Thu, 6 March 2008 "He's definitely a little delusional." |
Wed, 5 March 2008 "I might be kind of a nightmare to date." |
Tue, 4 March 2008 "Are you keeping a secret that could break you two up?" |
Mon, 3 March 2008 "It's incredibly hard to find a chick who isn't a just great big retarded whore." |
Mon, 3 March 2008 Open Mic Night, Chemda: Fame Whore, White Boys and The Spooky Hot Shot. |
Fri, 29 February 2008 "I'm the only person who likes you." |
Thu, 28 February 2008 "The problem wasn't so much the raping..." |
Wed, 27 February 2008 "And I don't know if I'm like impressed with his skills or saddened that it only took the girls two drinks." |
Tue, 26 February 2008 "You know it's gonna get worse, right?" |
Mon, 25 February 2008 "You're gonna make me cry! Take this!" |
Fri, 22 February 2008 "Where the fuck is it a quarter a minute?" |
Thu, 21 February 2008 "The $500,000 question: Have you killed somebody?" |
Wed, 20 February 2008 "You think these people are actually thinking straight before they go on this show?" |
Tue, 19 February 2008 "You have my phone number! You coulda called me!" |
Fri, 15 February 2008 "I know you didn't want to get into this..." |
Thu, 14 February 2008 "Now you're back to Square One. You gotta keep selling your vagina on the Internet." |
Wed, 13 February 2008 "Well, I may not know much about God, but I have to say we built a pretty nice cage for him." |
Tue, 12 February 2008 "I really think he meant I sell my daughter on the street." |
Mon, 11 February 2008 "You're in the fuckin' hottest Fuck Room. This is the Keith and The Girl Fuck Room. You're blowin' it." |
Mon, 11 February 2008 Crazy Mike, Jesse Joyce and a million Last Comic Standing hopefuls |
Fri, 8 February 2008 "When does 'shy' mean you gotta go for my balls?" |
Thu, 7 February 2008 "I would not come back for a second punch." |
Wed, 6 February 2008 "And I do not want to be on this show, so I'm gonna hang up." |
Tue, 5 February 2008 "Are you even listening to your inner monologue?" |
Mon, 4 February 2008 "Why do you have a picture of my nuts on your phone?" |
Mon, 4 February 2008 Heath Ledger talks from the grave |
Fri, 1 February 2008 "If you're coming to my party, bring your purse. Or wallet. I don't sexually discriminate." |
Thu, 31 January 2008 "This is an insult? That's so fuckin' cool!" |
Wed, 30 January 2008 "Fuck you. You die." |
Tue, 29 January 2008 "Have you ever tried or thought about killing somebody else?" |
Mon, 28 January 2008 "I told her about the show and gave her a sticker, not ever thinking it would go this far." |
Wed, 23 January 2008 "Do you think Keith is hiding pain?" |
Tue, 22 January 2008 "Why don't you think about that for awhile?" |
Mon, 21 January 2008 Pictionary, Rock 'Em Sock 'Em and vodka - Let's wake up the neighbors |
Fri, 18 January 2008 "Shut the fuck up, and stop being a little bitch." |
Thu, 17 January 2008 "Death or drugs? Just tell me that." |
Wed, 16 January 2008 "The only diss I want to give her is disinfectant."
|
Tue, 15 January 2008 "I got the crap kicked out of me by one of the American Gladiators yesterday." |
Mon, 14 January 2008 "I'm fine, and I don't mind him telling this story." |
Mon, 14 January 2008 Personal time with Chemda and Keith |
Fri, 11 January 2008 "Stop making me laugh about this! It's foul!" |
Thu, 10 January 2008 "Is that going in the documentary? Put that in there. That's a good one." |
Wed, 9 January 2008 "Stop. Sit down. Write your own joke." |
Tue, 8 January 2008 "It's not okay until I see him cry!" |
Mon, 7 January 2008 "I just did that in front of all them?" |
Fri, 4 January 2008 "We felt so bad that we fucked up. Everybody wants to die." |
Thu, 3 January 2008 |
Wed, 2 January 2008 |
Tue, 1 January 2008 |
Mon, 31 December 2007 |
Fri, 28 December 2007 |
Thu, 27 December 2007 |
Wed, 26 December 2007 |
Tue, 25 December 2007 |
Mon, 24 December 2007 |
Fri, 21 December 2007 "You can burn in Hell, bitch!" |
Thu, 20 December 2007 "It's almost like being bisexual." |
Wed, 19 December 2007 "You're an asshole, Keith. This is the most asshole move that you make. You're really an asshole." |
Tue, 18 December 2007 "You learn to get aggressive really quickly in Europe or else you die." |
Mon, 17 December 2007 Disproving the cinnamon challenge myth |
Fri, 14 December 2007 "Did you just make cancer sexy?" |
Thu, 13 December 2007 "You will not figure this man out until you drink with him at least ten times." |
Wed, 12 December 2007 "Cause they were black. You can say they were black." |
Tue, 11 December 2007 "You dumbed down my dick." |
Mon, 10 December 2007 "You're too horny to google Keith and The Girl." |
Mon, 10 December 2007 An inside look at KATG's studio |
Fri, 7 December 2007 "Leeroy, why do you always gotta do that?" |
Thu, 6 December 2007 "All the more reason to bring back corporal punishment." |
Wed, 5 December 2007 "I have MS, and yes, I'm an asshole." |
Tue, 4 December 2007 "They're all on my side, ya douche!" |
Mon, 3 December 2007 "I'm trying not to be scared of you." |
Fri, 30 November 2007 "I can't have kids because I have cysts on my ovaries." |
Thu, 29 November 2007 "We don't start these! Ever!" |
Wed, 28 November 2007 "Let me hold your wallet while I dance for you. It'll be nicer." |
Tue, 27 November 2007 "You never wanted to just stomp a baby?" |
Mon, 26 November 2007 "Remember the days they dropped babies off a cliff because it wasn't good enough?" |
Mon, 26 November 2007 Keith performs his magics |
Wed, 21 November 2007 "I will not be on the show, and I will not discuss any of that." |
Tue, 20 November 2007 "All you're doing is sending her home to cry." |
Mon, 19 November 2007 "Do you wanna talk about buttplay?" |
Mon, 19 November 2007 Chemda's reaction to the world-renowned video 2 Girls 1 Cup |
Fri, 16 November 2007 "Hello. You're dead." |
Thu, 15 November 2007 "Hey, fuck you assholes, it's time for Armchair Kid Nation!" |
Wed, 14 November 2007 "I'm sorry, it was balls. You're fired." |
Tue, 13 November 2007 "It's go time, Lord." |
Mon, 12 November 2007 Debut episode featuring celebrity guest Heather Mills |
Fri, 9 November 2007 "Words hurt N-words." |
Thu, 8 November 2007 "I let people call me Dog for my life. You think I'm swift, Larry?" |
Wed, 7 November 2007 "We switched to gin, Dad and I." |
Tue, 6 November 2007 "Don't call him a pussy. He came to shit, he shat, he's done." |
Mon, 5 November 2007 "I bet if you were my boyfriend you'd help me all the time." |
Fri, 2 November 2007 "I wish my audience was robots. That's the irony." |
Thu, 1 November 2007 "We don't mean that shit. But America would think we mean that." |
Wed, 31 October 2007 "'Oh no, people are wiping my ass. That's horrendous.' I think I've earned it! 'Start wipin'.'" |
Tue, 30 October 2007 "Pick a fuckin' side, women!" |
Mon, 29 October 2007 "Live Free or Die. And you guys chose die." |
Thu, 25 October 2007 "Tell me what I'm supposed to feel, Keith." |
Wed, 24 October 2007 "I did feel like when I ate it it was made with a hard-on." |
Tue, 23 October 2007 "You said you weren't gonna go there, and you did." |
Mon, 22 October 2007 "The sincerity of your shit is amazing." |
Fri, 19 October 2007 "I was worried that I wouldn't get a boner, and then she would be insulted." |
Thu, 18 October 2007 "'Member when crazy made sense?" |
Wed, 17 October 2007 "I got ten days to give a fuck." |
Mon, 15 October 2007 "So he's watching you jerk off." |
Mon, 15 October 2007 "How do you get into someone's butthole like that?" |
Fri, 12 October 2007 "You want to eat his asshole; now you're on the side of guns." |
Thu, 11 October 2007 "I ride a long bus, and my shit stinks!" |
Wed, 10 October 2007 "Finally a Canadian I hate." |
Tue, 9 October 2007 "I shit my pants out of choice." |
Fri, 5 October 2007 "We say that to our ladies and horses." |
Thu, 4 October 2007 "There's too many cameras. You're fuckin' me. You're dead." |
Wed, 3 October 2007 "You don't even have to kill people to make a difference." |
Tue, 2 October 2007 "You beat your horse gay!" |
Mon, 1 October 2007 "I learned it's fun to let other people learn." |
Fri, 28 September 2007 "Tonight we settle all family fuckin' debts" |
Thu, 27 September 2007 "They're gonna analyze the video and find out who farted and fire them." |
Wed, 26 September 2007 "Your son has autism. And only your beautiful tits can save him." |
Tue, 25 September 2007 "We are no longer friends." |
Mon, 24 September 2007 "I'm very logical. I'm scientific. I will break you down. I'm mathematical." |
Fri, 21 September 2007 "I messed up. I didn't slash the." |
Thu, 20 September 2007 "I'd date the shit outta you, Patrice." |
Wed, 19 September 2007 "Do you think after Chemda and I break up the show can still work?" |
Tue, 18 September 2007 "Do we have to be naked?" |
Mon, 17 September 2007 "I gotta say, between your mouth and your hairy bush..." |
Fri, 14 September 2007 "A handicap ain't got nothin' on me." |
Thu, 13 September 2007 "Who can think of 9/11 at a time like this?" |
Wed, 12 September 2007 "Brother Love, why did you tell her? It was supposed to be a secret." |
Tue, 11 September 2007 "There's no such thing as in a good way with a hippie." |
Mon, 10 September 2007 "There's radio shows all over the fuckin' dial. Who gives a shit?" |
Fri, 7 September 2007 "Is it a hard thing for you guys to bring your own chair? BYOC." |
Thu, 6 September 2007 "He made me into his balls." |
Wed, 5 September 2007 "Every time I said, 'show me titties,' I saw titties." |
Tue, 4 September 2007 "What came first: the bully or the nerd?" |
Fri, 31 August 2007 www.KATG.com/live |
Thu, 30 August 2007 "Who says that? I think the Devil says that. I think that's the only person that says that." |
Wed, 29 August 2007 "Well, personally, my friends and I, we know exactly where the United States is on our map." |
Tue, 28 August 2007 "And I'll tell you this: It will not be podsafe." |
Mon, 27 August 2007 "Are you a retard, or am I an asshole?" |
Fri, 24 August 2007 "That's why this and my brother should both be in jail." |
Thu, 23 August 2007 "She looks like sucky sucky dollar." |
Wed, 22 August 2007 "Let me feel single in this porta potty." |
Tue, 21 August 2007 "And then we got naked and put something in me." |
Mon, 20 August 2007 "'I can't believe you shared this.' Well you shouldn't have done it!" |
Fri, 17 August 2007 "On bringing uh... uh... liquid refreshment: no liquor, no wine, no beer in any form." |
Thu, 16 August 2007 "I see what you're doing, Keith. Don't do it." |
Wed, 15 August 2007 "Jail did not tame you, and I like to see that!" |
Tue, 14 August 2007 "Why would I go into a situation where I'm kind of surprised I wasn't arrested?" |
Mon, 13 August 2007 "And these people are watching you on your knees?" |
Fri, 10 August 2007 "People don't understand my trials!" |
Thu, 9 August 2007 "Your marshmallow fat fuck is getting too big! Calm down!" |
Wed, 8 August 2007 "She's jerking you off with her shin?" |
Tue, 7 August 2007 "The maggots eat away the diseases and your penis." |
Mon, 6 August 2007 "It's like Keith and I went to like a marriage counseling weekend." |
Fri, 3 August 2007 "I'm not a whore, you bastard!" |
Thu, 2 August 2007 "Ain't nobody in this room Voldemort. Own it." |
Wed, 1 August 2007 "Alright this is it. Parked my car. I wish everyone who ever was nice to me well. See you in the next life." |
Tue, 31 July 2007 "Admit to yourself you're powerless." |
Mon, 30 July 2007 "Doesn't everybody understand that Keith is sensitive?" |
Fri, 27 July 2007 "You just picture 'em walkin' around that whole country like dummies." |
Thu, 26 July 2007 "Tyrone pissed in the bed last night." |
Wed, 25 July 2007 "Aughh, I don't want that bony hug." |
Tue, 24 July 2007 "Great news for members of PodShow." |
Fri, 20 July 2007 "I swear to God if I see you guys make out again..." |
Thu, 19 July 2007 "Everybody caught a case of ninth grade." |
Wed, 18 July 2007 "Rhian, did I kiss you?" |
Tue, 17 July 2007 "Not a nicer fuckin' country." |
Sun, 15 July 2007 KATG.com/live |
Thu, 12 July 2007 "Nobody was thinking about you, Keith Malley." |
Wed, 11 July 2007 "There's just nothing nice that come out of these fuckin' throats." |
Tue, 10 July 2007 "I wasn't walking around like an ape throwing shit, was I?" |
Mon, 9 July 2007 "Behave! Behave, Matthew!" |
Fri, 6 July 2007 "If I'm the classiest bitch of upstate New York then that's fuckin' sad." |
Thu, 5 July 2007 "Take out your dictionary, get your wine, and buttfuck each other." |
Tue, 3 July 2007 "Pussy has an amazing way of changing your point of view." |
Mon, 2 July 2007 "You were gonna kill yourself if I didn't take you back. What was going through your head?" |
Fri, 29 June 2007 "You had me balls deep, but God forbid I touched your hair." |
Thu, 28 June 2007 "Whatever she got is stronger than herpes." |
Wed, 27 June 2007 "'Suck my dick' means you may suck my dick at best." |
Tue, 26 June 2007 "I don't think anything is too far." |
Fri, 22 June 2007 "This is a doublewide, baby." |
Thu, 21 June 2007 "I'm having trouble hearing you ladies with all that bum dick in your mouth." |
Wed, 20 June 2007 "I don't know if you know this, but some women are C U Next TuesdayS." |
Tue, 19 June 2007 "All that needs edited out." |
Mon, 18 June 2007 "I guess she can just hand us the money and then drop his pants." |
Fri, 15 June 2007 "Can I call out the bitch who fuckin' turned me in?" |
Thu, 14 June 2007 "You broke out the Keith Malley Asshole Tone." |
Wed, 13 June 2007 "Dicks throw me. Constantly." |
Tue, 12 June 2007 "Is this the guy's way of sizing us up?" |
Mon, 11 June 2007 "I can't help you. You did the Chicken Dance." |
Fri, 8 June 2007 "You lose if you're all Cranky Bitchy McBitch." |
Thu, 7 June 2007 "Your ovaries will fall out your mouth." |
Wed, 6 June 2007 "Well hurry up, I gotta rape you." |
Tue, 5 June 2007 "You're goofy and stupid and you're not on my side ever because you're such a dummy dumb and you get high all the time." |
Mon, 4 June 2007 "If you think it's cool to spread and encourage this wave of misogyny then best of luck to you." |
Fri, 1 June 2007 "Please don't repeat this on the show." |
Thu, 31 May 2007 "Don't escalate me. " |
Wed, 30 May 2007 "That's what you do when a Dee is right there." |
Tue, 29 May 2007 "Can't wait for your spin-off show, Dummy." |
Fri, 25 May 2007 "When in doubt I reference my vagina." |
Thu, 24 May 2007 "'Where you goin'?' 'To fuck your friend. Good times and bad times...'" |
Wed, 23 May 2007 "Anyone who talks to me like that is getting talked to exactly the same way back. So prepare yourself if you want that to be our relationship." |
Tue, 22 May 2007 "Sex after anything cures it. Come on." |
Mon, 21 May 2007 "And if you don't like that, sir, you can eat out my inner asshole." |
Fri, 18 May 2007 "I don't know these clowns." |
Thu, 17 May 2007 "Lick my nuts; suck my deep fried balls." |
Wed, 16 May 2007 "Another podcast first?" |
Tue, 15 May 2007 "You're gonna be performing your face in a pillow." |
Mon, 14 May 2007 "I'm supposed to be doing this stuff in private." |
Fri, 11 May 2007 "I get upset sometimes. I get upset sometimes..." |
Thu, 10 May 2007 "He screwed her up the stage; he screwed her down the stage." |
Wed, 9 May 2007 "i was wondering if you would let me interview you two, its for a school project, it wont take long, ill just send you30-40 questions, and you'll send them back to me, with all the answers:D" |
Tue, 8 May 2007 "You walk around acting like I can fuck you. That's all you do." |
Mon, 7 May 2007 "You've been Phone Snapped!" |
Fri, 4 May 2007 "Chemda has what they call emotions." |
Thu, 3 May 2007 "We got a special guest: Dumby Dunce that'll just sit here all day." |
Wed, 2 May 2007 "Try to make money, and have a nice life. That's all I can tell you. We're all doomed." |
Tue, 1 May 2007 "Don't give us shit. Make me earn shit." |
Mon, 30 April 2007 69: The Girl On Vicodin (June 8 05) Keith creates a new robot-resistance movement. (7:30 to 9:00) 82: America We Stand As One (June 27 05) Interview with the great Dennis USA Madalone. (2:00 to 32:00) 83: USA All The Way (June 28 05) More HUAR news, including the MapQuest diversion theory. (15:15 to 17:45) Dennis Madalone redux and email responses. (2:00 to 8:45) 81: Earning Daddy's Approval (June 24 05) More robots in the news. Keep laughing, meat puppets. The Japanese and Hentai porn. (8:30 to 22:30) America We Stand As One by Dennis Madalone |
Fri, 27 April 2007 81: Earning Daddy's Approval (June 24 05) Keith's dad and his many, oh, lets call them eccentricities. (22:30 to 45:00) 59: Fuck a Title Wednesday (May 25 05) International basketball, Ethiopian cuisine, and Keith helps an ex as she runs the marathon. (8:15 to 19:30) 67: Stupid Money (June 6 05) Keith works at an old age home. (35:00 to 50:00) Calling it In (June 1 05) Keith gets some underwear for Christmas (27:00 to 39:00, with edits) 48: Lying, Dying (May 10, 05) Parents and cussin'. (7:45 to 16:30) 80: Gaylordy Lordy (June 23 05) Chemda and Patrice share stories of past loves and/or abusers. Keith reminisces about his school days and his insult book. (BEGIN to 12:00) |
Thu, 26 April 2007 74: The Greatest Generation (June 15 '05) Chemda does a clown job at a VA hospital barbecue. (BEGIN to 8:30) 52: Working From Home (May 16 '05) Keith witnesses a major confrontation at a kid's party and almost creams himself. (58:00 to 1:09:00) 66: Pain Is Good (June 3 '05) Chemda has to answer to a 10 year-old at her party. These little fuckin' bitches. (20:00 to 23:30) 54: Free Porn (May 18 '05) Chemda gets a post-party complaint, and the genesis of A-B porn is documented. (26:00 to 43:00) 57: Mommy & Me, DAMMIT! (May 23 '05) Keith, Curious George, a psychotic mom, and an assload of half-dead butterflies. (29:30 to 52:00) |
Wed, 25 April 2007 76: How To F*** (June 17 '05) Chemda and her brother, Michael, regale each other with stories of innocence and beauty. Count the number of times Michael says “twat." (4:45 to 56:30)
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Tue, 24 April 2007 71: Danny Yale's Mom is a Bad Parent (June 10 '05) - Chemda goes coo-coos McGoos over her food-packed gum-holes. (15:30 to 23:30) 72: Jackson Free, Ricans Jailed (June 13 '05) - Puerto Rican Day Parade blotter, more dental mirth, and mental dearth. (12:15 to 24:50) 78: Grooming: Not Just For Queers (June 21 '05) - A news story about a stabbing at Chuck E.'s leads into a discussion about man-grooming. Chemda recounts her recent root canal. (9:10 to 42:20) 79: When News Hits Home (June 22 '05) - Keith admits defeat at the hands of email, crime in the city, and the family dynamic in times of crisis. (34:15 to 56:00) |
Mon, 23 April 2007 49: DJ Quad (May 11 '05) - Prophetically, Keith injures his finger and learns what disability feels like. Then they talk to a real cripple. (BEGIN to 26:00)
58: Faking the Funk (May 24 '05) - Chemda and Keith lay into a podcast called "Israelisms" (surprisingly enough, still around) that think they, like others, can talk shit and still remain friendly. (15:00 to 28:00)
47: Fuck Paris Hilton (May 9 '05) - A brutal critique of the short-lived (thank Christ) Paris Podcast and, by association, the PodShow creeps who ate it up with painted-on grins. (BEGIN to 23:00)
65: What's in a Name (June 2 '05) - The seriosos dine with a pseudo-designer anger-fuck ex of Keith's, and the claws of Chemda are bared. Patrice details the delicacies of hooker-bookin'. (BEGIN to 16:00) |
Fri, 20 April 2007 "This is from the New York City Police Department. And how do you know Keith?" |
Thu, 19 April 2007 "Eat this you giant tree trunk piece of ass!" |
Tue, 17 April 2007 "We would rather be addicted to the most powerful heroin than be fucked by this old motherfucker." |
Mon, 16 April 2007 "I think Keith's first DVD broke up my relationship." |
Fri, 13 April 2007 "I've got a weapon in Central Park I gotta go pick up." |
Thu, 12 April 2007 "Lick balls. Hope for the best." |
Wed, 11 April 2007 "I'm not racist. Look how dark my girlfriend's skin is." |
Tue, 10 April 2007 "There is a divine blessing for brumski." |
Mon, 9 April 2007 "A-no-no-no! A-no-no-no! Welcome to New York City, Keith!" |
Fri, 6 April 2007 "Actually your boobies are some of the nicest boobies I've ever seen." |
Thu, 5 April 2007 "Brumski's the new way we do business." |
Wed, 4 April 2007 "That's what I did. That's what I did. I can live with that." |
Tue, 3 April 2007 "Do you do that with people you fake don't like? We had something, you fake fuck!" |
Mon, 2 April 2007 "Deuce wants to have an old Israeli sit-down with me, and that concerns me." |
Fri, 30 March 2007 "You don't call a girl a faggot, Homo." |
Thu, 29 March 2007 "Keith and The Girl will get his penis. I guarantee it. I promise you." |
Wed, 28 March 2007 "Now are you on Keith and The Girl's side? Now are you? Ridiculous." |
Mon, 26 March 2007 "Pod-people don't play nice with each other." |
Fri, 23 March 2007 "I get to see the Keith and Chemda that a lot of people don't get to see. And it's lovely, don't get me wrong. But..." |
Thu, 22 March 2007 "War is delightful. Yeah, to those that haven't yet experienced it." |
Wed, 21 March 2007 "I'm not startin' a fight..." |
Mon, 19 March 2007 "What a table of not nice people, including your wife, dude." |
Sat, 17 March 2007 "There's your fuckin' freedom of speech!" |
Thu, 15 March 2007 "Whoa whoa whoa. Now say that again in slower." |
Wed, 14 March 2007 "Can you understand why people would be homophobic? |
Tue, 13 March 2007 "If you dare call my shit a monkeybox..." |
Mon, 12 March 2007 "I'll tell you what: I beat you, and I would like you to call in the show and just admit that I am very very smart." |
Fri, 9 March 2007 "My penis is digital." |
Thu, 8 March 2007 "I'd like to kill myself and then get it back." |
Wed, 7 March 2007 "If you won the bajillion dollar lottery, would you still do the show?" |
Tue, 6 March 2007 "I can't love you this much and you not give a fuck." |
Mon, 5 March 2007 "And don't you dare go, 'What's the big deal?' If you don't know, then you're a fuckin' idiot!" |
Fri, 2 March 2007 "Liar, liar, liar with your pants on fire - always goin' back on your word." |
Thu, 1 March 2007 "There are no secrets. Only information you don't yet have." |
Wed, 28 February 2007 "Daily downloads of all their shows combined - all their shows combined at PodShow.com..." |
Sat, 24 February 2007 www.KATG.com/live |
Thu, 22 February 2007 "Secret notebooks and lies. Y'all got a good thing goin' here." |
Wed, 21 February 2007 "You have Brumski; I have Chamsa." |
Tue, 20 February 2007 "You're not that important. You're gonna be alive again tomorrow." |
Fri, 16 February 2007 "Now go get your cane, Little Baby Faggot." |
Thu, 15 February 2007 "I need Jesus to help me deal with you." |
Wed, 14 February 2007 "I'm not underage, but I'm a whore." |
Tue, 13 February 2007 "I swoop on suckers like an eagle not a sparrow." |
Mon, 12 February 2007 "No, balls smell good sometimes." |
Fri, 9 February 2007 "That's really gross. That's really the end of time." |
Thu, 8 February 2007 "I woulda really had the dick in the box. Who's gonna know?" |
Wed, 7 February 2007 "Why can't I think of anything but eat shit?" |
Tue, 6 February 2007 "Is any of this your problem? I'm just curious if that's your problem." |
Mon, 5 February 2007 "I don't wanna be in a foxhole with some bullshit knight." |
Fri, 2 February 2007 "Keith, just tell me what to do. I can't function." |
Thu, 1 February 2007 "You come from a long line of fucked up." |
Wed, 31 January 2007 "They wake up and piss their bed in your house? No. Sideline ho." |
Tue, 30 January 2007 "That's a stupid point though, and you know that." |
Mon, 29 January 2007 "This is what ethnics are like. They're just like, 'WAAAH!'" |
Fri, 26 January 2007 "We do Internet stuff now." |
Thu, 25 January 2007 "I don't have fuckin' time to keep you down. Who the fuck has time to keep your stupid-ass down?" |
Wed, 24 January 2007 "It's all in your head. They take like a bucket of nothing and don't dump it on you." |
Tue, 23 January 2007 "I'll drink his cat piss for a good pleasant conversation." |
Mon, 22 January 2007 "I'll do anything now. I don't give a fuck if I get fired." |
Fri, 19 January 2007 "And by the way nothin's real. I made all that up." |
Thu, 18 January 2007 "I eat your hate like love grenades." |
Wed, 17 January 2007 "It doesn't matter how cool of a chick you are; you don't need a show about your not boyfriend." |
Tue, 16 January 2007 "If you were my wife I'd divorce you for sayin' that!" |
Thu, 11 January 2007 "Patrice, have you had intercourse?" |
Wed, 10 January 2007 "I can't believe I'm here on such an important day." |
Tue, 9 January 2007 "KeithandTheGirl.com/donate. We know what all of you did." |
Mon, 8 January 2007 "No family supports any of that bullshit." |
Fri, 5 January 2007 "...and my grandmother walked in and took the doll away." |
Thu, 4 January 2007 "Keith wants to feel normal again. Quick, somebody admit it." |
Wed, 3 January 2007 "Life's a big lollipop to mechanics." |
Tue, 2 January 2007 "Happy New Year, _______!" |
Mon, 1 January 2007 - Segment #1 March 16, 2005 - Episode 8: "Clowning Around" (approx. 00:24 to 25:00) With Andrea: The three swap clowning stories and set the stage for all working malcontents everywhere.
- Segment #2 March 21, 2005 - Episode 11: "A Bad Day At Work" (approx. 01:18 to 22:15) Chemda does a clown job in Hell's tenement.
- Segment #3 March 27, 2005 - Episode 16: "Easter Spectacular - Easter Bunny and The Gay Cruise" (approx. 33:20 to 54:00) K & C go on a gay cruise.
- Segment #4 April 11, 2005 - Episode 27: "Then Stop Acting Like Your Stereotype" (approx. 3:50 to 21:25) Keith does a clown job for an Indian family and learns an important lesson about world culture and diversity. No, he doesn't. I'm just fucking with you. |
Fri, 29 December 2006 - Segment #1 May 6, 2005 - Episode 46: "Shit Doesn't Freeze" (approx. 3:50 to 15:45) With Patrice: Yep, THAT story. Plus, the first KATG discussion of the scourge that is glitter.
- Segment #2 April 27, 2005 - Episode 38: "Click Here, Mom!" (approx. 25:40 to 52:20) Chemda sneaks the parents' car out, Keith shoplifts, crashes into a fence, and tries insurance fraud. Keith tries his hand at deejaying, Chemda laments growing up female in a Jewish household, and more tales of juvenile delinquency.
-Segment #3 April 15, 2005 - Episode 31: "Jingles All The Way" (approx. 23:40 to 34:40) Patrice and Chemda get arrested.
- Segment #4 May 6, 2005 - Episode 46: "Shit Doesn't Freeze" (approx. 31:30 to 47:25) With Patrice: Lesbian experimentation, bachelorette parties, strippers, fucked-up party pranks, fightin' and what to do when the police come knocking. |
Thu, 28 December 2006 - Segment #1 April 6, 2005 - Episode 24: "I'll Find You, John Petrie" (approx. 23:00 to 54:00) K & C swap roommate horror stories, including the now infamous Messrs. John DeForest Petrie and One-Eyed Davis. Great drug stories, too. The good old-fashioned rock, indeed.
- Segment #2 April 7, 2005 - Episode 25: "The Relationship Hour" (approx. 21:50 to 44:32) How Keith met Davis, the paradigm shift of ex-roommates and ex-seriosi to "just friends," and more on the origins of our favorite podcasting couple.
- Segment #3 April 21, 2005 - Episode 35: "Retard Rundown" (approx. 9:30 to 25:20) With Patrice: a gossip item about Natasha Lyonne leads into more fun with Ol' One-Eye, state-of-the art apartment trashing and the resulting legal woes, and Chemda & Patrice swap stories on their experiments with artificial joy.
- Segment #4 April 25, 2005 - Episode 37: "School Up In Ya" (approx. 18:40 to 23:05) More fucking with Obi-Wan-Eye Davis. |
Wed, 27 December 2006 - Segment #1 March 30, 2005 - Episode 19: "Baby's First Phone Call" (approx. 17:00 to 41:00) More on stand-up comics, bringer shows, contest scams, and more leading up to the taping of Keith's second CD, "Children's Party Songs."
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Tue, 26 December 2006 - Segment #1 April 11, 2005 - Episode 27: "Then Stop Acting Like Your Stereotype" (approx. 37:55 to 48:45) Surf Reality stories, the nature of drug-inspired performance art, Feminism, the ex-roommates of Chemda, and the desperate measures a comic can take to win back a crowd.
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Mon, 25 December 2006 - Segment #1 March 27, 2005 - Episode 16: "Easter Spectacular and the Gay Cruise" (approx. 00:30 to 17:00) Discussion of Keith and Chemda's families, religious upbringings, and eventually breaking away from their respective faiths. They talk about their experiences with each other's houses of worship, and Keith recounts a relationship with a landlord/clergyman that gets a little too close for comfort. - Segment #2 April 8, 2005 - Episode 26: "Oy To The Vey" (approx. 26:20 to 35:00) Chemda avenges an injustice by calling an evil party entertainment agency under false pretenses. This leads into a large conversation about Jews and Jewish customs, Keith and Chemda's families, and the pressures of becoming an adult. They call Charlie and José to swap restaurant stories, which devolves into guy-talk: chicks and booze. - Sement #3 April 13, 2005 - Episode 29: "Documentary Do's and Don'ts" (approx. 16:20 to 24:15) Chemda walks in on Keith having some quality time, and they talk about masturbation. - Segment #4 April 8, 2005 - Episode 26: "Oy To The Vey" (approx. 56:00 to 1:04:00) Chemda calls Fun Factory again. |
Fri, 22 December 2006 "Fuck you. And you know who you are." |
Thu, 21 December 2006 "By the end it will just be Keith in a room. With a mic and a palm pilot." |
Thu, 21 December 2006 "In 2007: Fuck everybody." |
Wed, 20 December 2006 "This missile brought to you by KATG.com and USAF AMMO." |
Tue, 19 December 2006 "You don't get to be the asshole 'cause you were born that way. We all get to be the asshole." |
Mon, 18 December 2006 "How's that for a break?" |
Fri, 15 December 2006 "'Cause they seem like a couple right now! Girls, are you with me?" |
Thu, 14 December 2006 "God deliberately made us so that when sick shit happens to us when we're young we don't remember." |
Wed, 13 December 2006 "Hate 'em for being the equivalent of me breaking into your house and wiping a strange 12-foot dick across your neck." |
Tue, 12 December 2006 "This is like Keepin' It Real Take 2." |
Mon, 11 December 2006 "Whoa. A lot a fuckin' demands for bein' a heifer, honey." |
Fri, 8 December 2006 "She perks up when she hears the phrase 'tits were workin''." |
Thu, 7 December 2006 "Then you can write it on your Taste Chart how that girl was." |
Wed, 6 December 2006 "Me and every black rapper - are you kidding? You don't know us." |
Tue, 5 December 2006 "Still, I want them to know, it only takes an apology." |
Mon, 4 December 2006 "There's no way to fuckin' win, old man!" |
Fri, 1 December 2006 "Happy birthday; let's break up as an experiment." |
Thu, 30 November 2006 "Just keep readin' your newspaper headlines. It's doin' ya fuckin' wonders." |
Wed, 29 November 2006 "It reminded me of the kind of stuff that 6 and 7-year-old boys tell each other in the bathroom." |
Tue, 28 November 2006 "You're weird. That is stupi-creepy." |
Mon, 27 November 2006 "We all have to behave in a way that's better than what comes naturally to us." |
Wed, 22 November 2006 "Maybe you sign a waiver in case you hit somebody in the face." |
Tue, 21 November 2006 "Disney isn't liquoring me up to get through this bullshit another day." |
Mon, 20 November 2006 "You're the one who asked, asshole!" |
Fri, 17 November 2006 "Who's not a priest now? You're welcome!" |
Thu, 16 November 2006 "Spooky Manifesto: he's lookin' for ladies." |
Wed, 15 November 2006 "Anyway, thanks for your poo story." |
Tue, 14 November 2006 "Everybody knows at this point I get killed." |
Mon, 13 November 2006 "Let's open up the air mattress and sleep under the kitchen table like the celebrities we are." |
Sat, 11 November 2006 www.KATG.com/live |
Thu, 9 November 2006 "Now it's premeditated. You will go to jail." |
Wed, 8 November 2006 "They fuckin' ride horses and hit a dead goat's head around!" |
Tue, 7 November 2006 "Oh you're one of them? Go fuck yourself!" |
Mon, 6 November 2006 "That is sexy, when you were talkin' about in the car. I was just overwhelmed 'cause it was so hot." |
Fri, 3 November 2006 "Make fun! I'm the only one trying to make a difference!" |
Thu, 2 November 2006 "I was lookin' for a Teenage Girls Makin' Out, but wait a minute; I can use some tubing." |
Wed, 1 November 2006 "A good wife always knows her place." |
Tue, 31 October 2006 "Whatever damage BET didn't get done..." |
Mon, 30 October 2006 "This is the soundtrack to the inside of a stroke or a coma. This is what goes on in your head." |
Fri, 27 October 2006 "I decided to take my life a different route." |
Thu, 26 October 2006 "Sounds like somebody slept with the wrong person." |
Wed, 25 October 2006 "Wait a minute. I don't have to listen to this." |
Tue, 24 October 2006 "Good morning. You're dumb!" |
Mon, 23 October 2006 "Do you think I'm not gonna mind prison? I fuck dogs!" |
Fri, 20 October 2006 "We'd appreciate it, ladies, if you tickled these twos guys' balls as you were doin' it." |
Thu, 19 October 2006 "That's how Keith has sex. See that, kids?" |
Wed, 18 October 2006 "We shoulda kissed your ass a little more." |
Tue, 17 October 2006 "You start at the face, and then you negotiate." |
Mon, 16 October 2006 "...with a joker smile and hot smelly-ass balls slapping against my body repeatedly." |
Fri, 13 October 2006 "Fuck you, I quit!" |
Thu, 12 October 2006 "TheSimpsonsMovie.com" |
Wed, 11 October 2006 "Now I want to freeze your finish to see what the fuck it tastes like." |
Tue, 10 October 2006 "Did you invite me out to not have a good time?" |
Fri, 6 October 2006 "What the fuck, dude? That is gay. Of course your wife left you. That is stupid." |
Thu, 5 October 2006 "Patrice is crazy bad-ass tonight. I'm gonna have nightmares." |
Wed, 4 October 2006 "It is fuckin' torture to have shit in my brain that I can't share. I gotta fuckin' spill out every mother-fuckin' thing." |
Tue, 3 October 2006 "You were so fat! What happened? You were so fat!" |
Mon, 2 October 2006 "He's gonna do whatever I say." |
Fri, 29 September 2006 "Why are you such a dick?" |
Thu, 28 September 2006 "He knows he's the coolest, rockinest dude in town!" |
Wed, 27 September 2006 www.KATG.com/live |
Mon, 25 September 2006 "Oh my God. What the fuck? Your face changed!" |
Fri, 22 September 2006 "AKA I loved it, and I busted three nuts." |
Thu, 21 September 2006 "Spooky, did you hear yesterday's show? You can do whatever you want, dammit. You're an adult." |
Wed, 20 September 2006 "We better stick together 'cause we're both fuckin' nuts." |
Tue, 19 September 2006 "Damn, Keith, I already stomped on mine!" |
Mon, 18 September 2006 "Black People: Do you love Cheez-Itz?" |
Fri, 15 September 2006 "Do you have life insurance on Keith? I think he's about to have an aneurysm." |
Thu, 14 September 2006 "It's 50 First Dates of your boy dyin'." |
Wed, 13 September 2006 "Why are you talking? What are you responding to? My question is not done yet!" |
Tue, 12 September 2006 "Would you just end this relationship now? Are you kidding me?" |
Mon, 11 September 2006 "I've made a few queers in my day." |
Fri, 8 September 2006 "12-year-olds. That's where the money's at." |
Thu, 7 September 2006 "Don't nobody know nothin'." |
Wed, 6 September 2006 "Why you taking it so seriously?" |
Tue, 5 September 2006 "I do The Triple Finger. I do three fingers." |
Fri, 1 September 2006 "What's goin' on, Pubeless Cock n' ballz?" |
Thu, 31 August 2006 "Live free or die." |
Wed, 30 August 2006 "Take the pie. All the pie you can get." |
Tue, 29 August 2006 "Sorry, we smoked all $40." |
Mon, 28 August 2006 "She didn't get fingered; she got eaten out. I remember Chemda said she came in like two minutes." |
Fri, 25 August 2006 "It's a 30-minute drive to the airport, but at least we've got cum guzzling to talk about." |
Thu, 24 August 2006 "If you believe in God, admit that He likes jokes." |
Wed, 23 August 2006 "You guys play softball, don't you? You just come out and say what you feel. We call this show: I Hate This Guy." |
Mon, 21 August 2006 "I can prove my record, Ricky Gervais!" |
Fri, 18 August 2006 "No, I don't wanna be in your football thing! Now it's weird, isn't it? Now I'm the asshole!" |
Thu, 17 August 2006 "I'm not the one handing out candy in a shit factory!" |
Wed, 16 August 2006 "I bet you're not reading this." |
Tue, 15 August 2006 "When you need to urinate, do it in this or you will die." |
Mon, 14 August 2006 "But I haven't punched anybody in the face while they were sleeping, either. You've done a lot of things nobody else has done." |
Fri, 11 August 2006 "Cadet, you got a lot of balls to say such filth to me. And yes I have my shirt." |
Thu, 10 August 2006 "Look how he judges me so harsh." |
Wed, 9 August 2006 "Stare at him. Stare at him. Don't help him. Why do you guys help these people out?" |
Tue, 8 August 2006 "Each hour-long episode is podcast from New York and punctuated with several spit-semen-through-your-nose moments of hilarity." |
Mon, 7 August 2006 "I'm aborting the baby." |
Fri, 4 August 2006 "You're being used, and you know it. That's the saddest thing. You know it." |
Thu, 3 August 2006 "What's a gayfer?" |
Wed, 2 August 2006 "You're a goddamn podcast for 15 fuckin' minutes and you come on tellin' me what to do after 30 years of nonstop fuckin' whatever nonstop I been doin'!" |
Tue, 1 August 2006 "Effing Jews." |
Mon, 31 July 2006 "Today Bush addressed the NAACP and gave a speech to an entire audience of black people. At least that's what I'm told. I don't see color." |
Fri, 28 July 2006 "Lemme tell you something Adam Curry: You better tell your boy to shut the fuck up. 'Cause he's making you guys look ridiculous." |
Wed, 26 July 2006 "Will you stop interrupting me? It drives me crazy when I listen to the show and I hear you interrupt me. Left and fucking right!" |
Tue, 25 July 2006 "I have never been so utterly blown away by the sad state of affairs when it comes to podcasters' RSS feeds." |
Mon, 24 July 2006 "I just do it on Suck a Dick Wednesday. Bye!" |
Fri, 21 July 2006 "America loves shit." |
Wed, 19 July 2006 "And I liked that. 'Cause you don't get that in Jersey." |
Mon, 17 July 2006 "Can you get premature ejaculation insurance for an extra $50?" |
Fri, 14 July 2006 "You said you don't care about my country... Now you're saying fuck my grandfather..." |
Thu, 13 July 2006 "Are you having a Keith Klux Klan moment?" |
Wed, 12 July 2006 "If someone was touching you like that you would never date them." |
Mon, 10 July 2006 "I'm trying to find closure!" |
Fri, 7 July 2006 "I sat in my own shit for 45 minutes. It's so good!" |
Thu, 6 July 2006 "We don't need to tell them about the leprechauns. That can be our story." |
Wed, 5 July 2006 "Somerset, Pennsylvania: You anger me!" |
Fri, 30 June 2006 www.KATG.com/300 |
Thu, 29 June 2006 "Look at the anger in her face. Look at Keith like that." |
Wed, 28 June 2006 "You're not ready for the advanced course, baby. That's all." |
Tue, 27 June 2006 "We wanted to thank you for helping us find the solution to a particularly frustrating issue. Smiley face." |
Mon, 26 June 2006 "Why in God's name wouldn't you respond to those e-mails?" |
Sat, 24 June 2006 "Don't be sorry, baby, be you!" |
Thu, 22 June 2006 "I have a nervous tick. I jerk off at kids' parties." |
Wed, 21 June 2006 "What the fuck are you laughin' at? You do this! News flash: That's what you do." |
Tue, 20 June 2006 "I am too small of a man to look into the great mind of Brother Love."
|
Mon, 19 June 2006 "I hate that women use that as a weapon." |
Fri, 16 June 2006 "I've heard or seen you do some evil shit. I would never wanna be on your bad side." |
Thu, 15 June 2006 "New York: Tag. You're it." |
Wed, 14 June 2006 "Nobody's allowed to ding this 'cause Brad needs his fuckin' letter told." |
Tue, 13 June 2006 "When that epiphany happens then uh... just give us a call back..." |
Mon, 12 June 2006 "Everything, I think, is a test." |
Fri, 9 June 2006 "The shock, awe and horror on the faces of the audience..." |
Thu, 8 June 2006 "Seriously though, nobody tell Satan." |
Wed, 7 June 2006 "You were probably drawing with your vagina blood." |
Tue, 6 June 2006 "NOOO! NO, I'M NOT UNDER A LOT OF STRESS!" |
Mon, 5 June 2006 "Everyone's starting to be a little weird." |
Fri, 2 June 2006 "He's wasting 15-year-old piss in a jar?" |
Thu, 1 June 2006 "Seriously though, fuckin' reading books... If I can edit my book without reading it somehow, I would do it." |
Wed, 31 May 2006 "We see everything scumbags do!" |
Tue, 30 May 2006 "It's a thing chicks do. They don't know where they're at." |
Fri, 26 May 2006 "That's just for girls to go in there and jerk off to." |
Thu, 25 May 2006 "We are, honestly, I believe, the only radio station that would entertain a conversation like that." |
Wed, 24 May 2006 "The innocence of a child..." |
Tue, 23 May 2006 "DO THAT! DO THAT! DO ME THE FAVOR AND SAY THAT AGAIN!" |
Mon, 22 May 2006 "I understand what is appropriate and what isn't." |
Fri, 19 May 2006 "When you pee, now of course it stings, it hurts a little bit, maybe it lasts five minutes." |
Thu, 18 May 2006 "Why you quizzin' me? I don't know." |
Wed, 17 May 2006 "If you have an Asian loved one; Chinese, Japanese, or those other ones..." |
Tue, 16 May 2006 "You got good ears for hate." |
Mon, 15 May 2006 "I guess you consider that comedy." |
Mon, 15 May 2006 "As soon as you left, I was thinkin' of all the possibilities." |
Fri, 5 May 2006 "How do we like France today?" |
Thu, 4 May 2006 "I got out how to help child molesters. My work is done." |
Tue, 2 May 2006 "Whoever is the best fucker gets to make the most money." |
Fri, 28 April 2006 "I like any story that starts with 'ass' and ends with 'fists'." |
Thu, 27 April 2006 "You just read that it said not to do that!" |
Tue, 25 April 2006 "I think I've explored the limits of my sexuality." |
Tue, 18 April 2006 "I'm gonna be in the movies." |
Mon, 17 April 2006 "You're right, I'm sorry, and help me." |
Thu, 13 April 2006 "'Why your hands orange?' ''Cause I'm happy.'" |
Wed, 12 April 2006 "How do you sleep tonight, Ticket Giver? Huh? Is that what your family thought you'd be doing, Ticket Giver?" |
Mon, 10 April 2006 "I'm not gonna lie to you. I'm not good at juggling balls. Chainsaws? Very good." |
Fri, 7 April 2006 "You know what bothers me about gays? They ruined the word 'faggot'." |
Thu, 6 April 2006 "They're all gonna choke you when you get there." |
Wed, 5 April 2006 "The only thing I like better than doin' a crossword is just stompin' on some faggot's balls." |
Tue, 4 April 2006 "Call me a cunt. Put it in my ass. I'm a slut." |
Mon, 3 April 2006 "Whether I misunderstood you or not, we're gonna send you a warning." |
Fri, 31 March 2006 "I'm your guest! Treat me nice!"
|
Thu, 30 March 2006 "I was peeing blood. And not just reddish-color. I mean actual blood." |
Tue, 28 March 2006 "I'm ready to close that right on your bug eyes." |
Mon, 27 March 2006 "Give it over to the daddy. Daddy will know what to do better than you." |
Fri, 24 March 2006 "Suck your own monster cock since it's so gigantic." |
Thu, 23 March 2006 "So then you lied to us, didn't you, you little cunt bitch?" |
Wed, 22 March 2006 "She has to remind me that I need clothes." |
Tue, 21 March 2006 "And I'm totally opposed to this 'cause it's so wrong..." |
Mon, 20 March 2006 "If his mother catches him, we're goin' to jail." |
Fri, 17 March 2006 "I gave Balls a couple naked pictures of Hari." |
Thu, 16 March 2006 "Keith, your cock was cheated." |
Wed, 15 March 2006 "The day after that I bought a butt plug." |
Tue, 14 March 2006 "Don't make me laugh at this." |
Mon, 13 March 2006 "They're ruinin' my good name." |
Fri, 10 March 2006 "Today is a very special night. It's a magical night." |
Thu, 9 March 2006 "You shouldn't put that much technology in your vagina." |
Wed, 8 March 2006 "You can open it up and you got a dick in your face, absolutely." |
Tue, 7 March 2006 "I'm not Muslim, but I'm on their side." |
Fri, 3 March 2006 "Big gay balls to you." |
Thu, 2 March 2006 "This tastes like I got a cut on my knee." |
Wed, 1 March 2006 "The ignorance astounds me." |
Tue, 28 February 2006 "I'll make them be gay. I'm just tryin' to pee." |
Mon, 27 February 2006 "If we can redo the laws: Kill him." |
Fri, 24 February 2006 "They all know their place." |
Thu, 23 February 2006 "I can't believe I get that look from you." |
Wed, 22 February 2006 "Sandra, it is Suck a Dick Wednesday. I'ma see ya tonight. What are we gonna do?" |
Mon, 20 February 2006 "Don't fuckin' embarrass me like that." |
Fri, 17 February 2006 "You guys don't have viruses because nobody fuckin' cares about you." |
Thu, 16 February 2006 "Jesus is my sober. Fuck you!" |
Wed, 15 February 2006 "You know what I'm doing. Is this funny? This is - this is funny. You know what I'm doin'! You know I'm doin' everythin' right!" |
Tue, 14 February 2006 "Get away from the door, niggaaa." |
Mon, 13 February 2006 "I can't try harder 'cause there's something in my crotch." |
Fri, 10 February 2006 "I was about to say, 'DEUCE DEUCE', but are we saying that anymore?" |
Thu, 9 February 2006 "I'm fancy as fuck." |
Wed, 8 February 2006 "The Fag Community got us again." |
Mon, 6 February 2006 "Thank you for your quality letter, Sick Fuck." |
Thu, 2 February 2006 "I'll tell you what: Somebody will owe somebody an apology tomorrow." |
Wed, 1 February 2006 "Does your girlfriend ever do that, guys?" |
Mon, 30 January 2006 "You know you're just my friend. Right?" |
Fri, 27 January 2006 "This whole world doesn't make sense! I gave Keith beer!" |
Thu, 26 January 2006 "I can calm down, and I can get my crazy in order." |
Tue, 24 January 2006 "Save it for the show." |
Mon, 23 January 2006 "Why am I even thinkin' about this? Fuck you!" |
Fri, 20 January 2006 "And the dick looks surprisingly like your dick." |
Thu, 19 January 2006 "The first killing is always awkward." |
Wed, 18 January 2006 "I need the sick stuff." |
Tue, 17 January 2006 "This is what your kids are watching, by the way." |
Fri, 13 January 2006 "It's not my fault, but it definitely wasn't right." |
Thu, 12 January 2006 "Fattest Nation in the World say, 'What?'" |
Wed, 11 January 2006 "Who you callin' boyfriend? We're not fuckin'." |
Tue, 10 January 2006 "Cock blood does taste the worst." |
Mon, 9 January 2006 "Oh, we got another cripple! I'll take it..." |
Fri, 6 January 2006 "I devote entire days to blowing you. Wednesday. Heard of it much?" |
Thu, 5 January 2006 "Good mornin', everybody. We're drinkin' at Malley's Neighborhood Pub." |
Wed, 4 January 2006 "Please stop saying stuff like this! Please! Do you see the record button is on?" |
Tue, 3 January 2006 "I seriously think I might shit my pants this episode." |
Thu, 29 December 2005 "Deuce is out; Spooky's in." |
Tue, 27 December 2005 "All of a sudden the ATF makes sense." |
Fri, 23 December 2005 "Do you know what dead mouse smells like?" |
Thu, 22 December 2005 "You fuckin' bitch. Don't even mention that. Don't even say that." |
Tue, 20 December 2005 "Stick somethin' in your asshole. Who's gonna know?" |
Mon, 19 December 2005 "So, 1 to 10: How gay are you?" |
Sat, 17 December 2005 "Oh my God. I didn't know you people really looked like that." |
Thu, 15 December 2005 "We gave bandanas to all the Indians when we gave them AIDS." |
Mon, 12 December 2005 "I'm Douchebag Wiggle." |
Thu, 8 December 2005 "What the fuck show you listenin' to?" |
Wed, 7 December 2005 "If somebody can do it, chances are I can do it." |
Thu, 1 December 2005 "Nobody knows you better than you." |
Wed, 30 November 2005 "When did we become homeless?" |
Tue, 29 November 2005 "I can't even explain it. You'll see. You'll see..." |
Mon, 28 November 2005 "Good to talk to you before we all die." |
Fri, 25 November 2005 "Crazy. White. People." |
Wed, 23 November 2005 "All of this. Everything I see in this building is my skill." |
Tue, 22 November 2005 "If you're Batman or you're trying to get blowjobs, you can wear those shirts." |
Mon, 21 November 2005 "Apologies don't last forever, Honey. You got your fuckin' apology." |
Thu, 17 November 2005 "Don't make babies with scalawags." |
Wed, 16 November 2005 "That's the thing with lesbians; they got so much goin' for 'em, but they don't fuck dudes." |
Tue, 15 November 2005 "Well the robot didn't show up. We're not at Stage 3 of HUAR yet." |
Mon, 14 November 2005 "Hey all you assholes, come and listen to us. It's the Keith and The Girl show." |
Fri, 11 November 2005 “In come the real-titted, girls, you know? It’s like we got the lunch bitches.� |
Thu, 10 November 2005 "It only takes one misunderstanding." |
Wed, 9 November 2005 "I'm lookin' for two stick figures. One of 'em's always drinkin' I guess." |
Mon, 7 November 2005 "You know you really have to work hard, and you have to give 'em UH! UH! UH!" |
Fri, 4 November 2005 "No-no, I think you can be a normal person. No-no, let's keep tryin'." |
Thu, 3 November 2005 "You were just saying 'what an asshole' so Stephanie can pee in her pants." |
Wed, 2 November 2005 "That wasn't the bet! The bet was: Can I drink on antibiotics? And I won!" |
Tue, 1 November 2005 "So what's your problem with me, Chief?" |
Fri, 28 October 2005 "I don't understand why it doesn't smell like shit and piss. '311?'" |
Thu, 27 October 2005 "If I were a doctor, I might go in and scalpel some bullshit." |
Tue, 25 October 2005 "Why don't you just take out your balls? 'Where is Bally?' 'Here I am.'" |
Fri, 21 October 2005 "I quickly get rid of it 'cause I feel like the government's on the other end." |
Thu, 20 October 2005 "I couldn't think of a phrase or something that would be on Wheel of Fortune that doesn't have a curse word in it." |
Wed, 19 October 2005 "Easy, Dane Cook. You're still pretty." |
Tue, 18 October 2005 "Good for you you got fat." |
Mon, 17 October 2005 "You're tryin' to say 'I love you' in a nice fuckin' way!" |
Fri, 14 October 2005 "The human body will shake, so you're gonna need a tripod." |
Thu, 13 October 2005 "How many times do I have to lie to you? Once!" |
Wed, 12 October 2005 "If the husband doesn't get home in time, there's gonna be a quickie." |
Tue, 11 October 2005 "I know those little sensitive kids can't kick my ass. That is the difference." |
Fri, 7 October 2005 "My vagina hurts as you're saying this." |
Thu, 6 October 2005 "And really, me saying nigger is wrong; 'cause when I think it, I mean it. I don't mean it with a 'a', I mean it with a 'e-r'." |
Wed, 5 October 2005 "How'd ya know? I was on cocaine. I forgot to mention that." |
Tue, 4 October 2005 "She loves to slice wrists. You would think she's perfect." |
Mon, 3 October 2005 "Crawling under barbed wire through mud: Looks cool; not really fun." |
Fri, 30 September 2005 "You are listening right now! You have herpes! I know it!" |
Thu, 29 September 2005 "I can't make up my mind about Dane Cook. So my question is: 'Doug Stanhope; do we like Dane Cook?'" |
Wed, 28 September 2005 "So that's 40 percent of the people thought I was an asshole." |
Tue, 27 September 2005 "You can run back with your dick in your hand and press 'ALL IN'." |
Fri, 23 September 2005 "Thank you for making me understand the definition of beauty." |
Thu, 22 September 2005 "I bet you still gotta use bigger and bigger vibrators until finally you need a jackhammer." |
Wed, 21 September 2005 "I just decided it was bullshit and washed it out of my brain." |
Mon, 19 September 2005 "1 in 4 Africans has AIDS. And there's 5 of them in the tent." |
Keith and The Girl
Keith and his girlfriend talk shit. KeithandTheGirl.com
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| 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 |
| 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 |
| 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 |
| 29 | 30 | |||||
Syndication
